Missing my Husband

Thank you Lainy, Marjo & Pauline for your comforting words,

And thank you for letting me know I’m not alone.
I am grateful for that, but sad that you are no stranger to the anguish I feel.
I would hope noone ever be forced to endure such heartbreak in their lives, but I know all too well of the many who come before me & after..

I talk to my husband too & hope that he somehow hears me.
I tell him that if there is a heaven. I know that is where his soul is.
I only hope that he is receiving all the love he so generously lavished on others throughout his lifetime. That would make me so happy.
He was truely an angel who came down from heaven & rescued me.
I guess I always knew someday he would have to return, but that
time would always seem too soon.

Thank you for being here for me..
Love,
Cyndi

Thanks Sue, jclegg & magic,

I feel so much better knowing I’m not alone & can purge some here.
Each day brings new unexpected challenges it seems.

Startled awake this morning from a nightmare.
It started out pleasant. I was on the beach with my family & friends around me & we were building a water slide in the sun. I was having fun.
Then me & my nephew’s wife Kellie went for a long walk together.
She wanted to show me a secret place to go swimming.
So we started walking down this road surrounded by steep hills on each side & I noticed the sky beginning to get dark & cloud over.
Suddenly she crossed the road & climbed up a steep hill which led to a flimsy gate hidden in the underbrush. I followed.
Once there, we realized we’d been followed by two strange men.
We started kicking loose gravel in front of them under the gate to try & make them slide back down the hill, but it didn’t deter them.
They just kept standing there staring at us through the gaps in the gate.
Then she handed me a jacket & said to put it on because where we were
going it was going to be cold. I didn’t want to follow anymore & I was scared
of going to this new place, but I was afraid to go back the way we’d come because I knew the two strangers were there waiting for us to come out.
Then I woke up.
For some reason, this dream absolutely terrified me.
When I sat up, the house seemed dark, empty & eerilly frightening.
I told myself “I don’t want to spend another night alone in this house”

Is it normal to have frightening dreams like this?
I never have nightmares usually.

Thinking of taking my cats & going to stay with my parents a few days..

I hope you are doing okay,
Cyndi

Thanks very much for your kind replies & poems.
I’m terribly sorry that you have lost your loved ones too in this way, so sorry.

It’s so difficult to face being alone & every day it just gets harder.
When I wake up, the first thing I think is “Why am I still here?”
As I realize just how large a role my husband played in every single aspect of my life, I become unbearably frightened & curl up unto a useless ball.
I just don’t know how to stand on my own two feet.
He was my sole supporter mentally & financially. I never had to think alone.
I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me & the sky has come crashing down. Nothing feels right & normalcy has gone out the window. What I am left with is all of the things he had or was building that I havent the foggiest idea what to do with or how to complete.
I feel so bad that he didnt have time enough to finish or fulfill his dreams.
He didnt even have enough time to finish drafting his will, poor baby.
I hated to see him suffer, but I sure do long to see him again.
So sad, so very very sad..

Ah well, thanks for letting me vent..
I’m glad there is a place like this for me, thanks & it helps some.

Much appreciated & again, thanks for your kind & comforting words..
Wishing you wellness & happiness,
Cyndi