Missing my wonderful mom
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dear hopeandgrace,
you have put my own feelings into words. I lost my sweet mom, who was also my best friend to cholangiocarcinoma on 4/30/2007. she fought bravely for 15 months. I miss her so much but i can’t let myself think of her too much because i feel as if i have been punched in the stomach real hard. I have been robbed of the only person who genuinely loved me. I live each day as it comes and nothing is the same. You will never stop missing your mom but the feeling of being lost will slowly start to ease up. I still read these forums to remind myself that I am not alone, I am not the only one out there who Loves and misses their mom and would give anything to be able to hug her or pick up the phone and hear her voice. I would give up everthing that I have just to sit and laugh with her. But I will make the best of the memories until we meet again. My heart goes out to you, you are definately not alone, I too have a gaping hole in my life. DianeOhhh Hopeandgrace, I am crying for you right now. ‘Beautiful warrior’ is such a strong descriptor of your Mom. It is great that you believe that you’ll see her again, and what a reunion it will be. When I get really down, I try to imagine my Dad having his own daily reunion with family and friend that passed before him. When he passed I wrote him a letter that included the names of a great many people that I wanted him to go pass hugs on to, hoping that it would keep him busy & not lonely in the next life.
It was the two week anniversary this week of my Dad’s passing and I cried myself to sleep last night, trying desperately to imagine that he was giving me a hug goodnight, so I certainly know what you mean by longing for that embrace.
I’m so sorry for your pain and loss. You’ll continue to be in my thoughts and prayers Hopeandgrace.
Tess
All of you speak such beautiful words, I am crying as I type this. I, too, have a breathing issue. Sometimes I think I just stop….like the sadness in me takes my breath away. Sometimes when I am driving, I have to take my seatbelt off because I feel like I am suffocating. Maybe b/c I am slowly watching my dad slip away a little more everyday. He is still here, but not really here. I can’t feel any kind of closure. I cant think of “memories” of him and smile, or feel good. I just feel empty, watching this flower just fade to dust.
Hopeandgrace, I am so sorry for your loss, you are way to young to lose your mom, my heart goes out to you and your family. I don’t really know how much I believe of anything these days, but I do believe in the Heavenly God, and we all go home to him one day. Your mom is with you and will be waiting for you when you come through the gates of heaven. Joyce is right, your mother will always be with, just not here on earth, she is holding you up from above.
Peace and Prayer to you and your family
BarbaraI would like to add my sympathetic thoughts for you and for your dad too.He sounds like a good type.This greiving business is all a struggle for us.It is like being in a parallell universe
take care JanetDear hopeandgrace,
There is no one in this world who can replace a mother. I know how you feel, especially with my own birthday coming up. I used to joke that my mother should get presents on my birthday, since she’s the one who did all the hard work.
And I’ve had problem with breathing, also. It’s part of intense pain, I suppose. As Patty said, I often feel like I’m in an alternate reality, and I think it’s my coping mechanism: even after 2 years, 2 months, 4 days, I refuse to believe she’s gone. I wait for the call, the visit, the email. I know it won’t come, but it helps me get through the day to pretend to be delusional. Funny how we develop strange strategies to live through the pain.
Your mother is always with you, whether you want it or not. I told my own daughter that I would always be with her, no matter what, and I believe it. I would cross the barrier of death for my daughter, and I know my mother would do the same for me. Your best friend is always there for you, though you may not be able to talk to her or touch her. I tell my daughter that all the love my mother felt for us can never die: it is around us all the time, protecting us (this helps when she has nightmares and I just think it’s a nice thought).
All your life, you will feel the loss of your mother. And all your life, you will feel her love and her encouragement and her beautiful memories. One day, hopefully, the good will overshadow the bad. I hope you find some peace and comfort in this horrible time of new grief. Your mother was lucky to have such a daughter.
Joyce Mhopeandgrace,
I am so sorry for your loss. Your father’s words are very eloquent and they made me cry.
I was also very proud of my mother, she wanted to hang on to see her grandchild born and she wouldn’t let go of that even when her doctor gave up, she told the doctor she would sign a DNR if she could postdate it.
When my mom died I felt for weeks that I could not breathe properly, it felt like there was 100 lbs of pressure in my lungs and I could not exhale. It is almost eight months and I still feel this sensation sometimes.
Yesterday my sister said it is still hard for her to believe it all happened, that she is not here, and I knew exactly what she was talking about. Some have said this cancer is like a nightmare and it is strange but I still do feel I am in some alternate reality and maybe my old reality will reappear. This is not rational, I guess it is difficult for my consciousness to adjust.
Patty
I am so sorry to hear of your Mom’s passing and the grieving that you now are experiencing. Take comfort in knowing that she is in a better place & no longer suffering or in pain from this horrible disease. I know how hard it is for those of us left behind, but remember that she will be with you forever in your heart & memories. Take care & know that you and your family are in my thoughts & prayers.
Darla
I am so very sorry to hear of your moms passing from this world. My heart breaks for you and your family. I also have a daughter close to your age and it sounds like you and your mom have the same wonderful relationship that my daughter and I share. Best friends …forever, honey. I do beleive that such a loving bond between a mom and her child never ever can be broken. As a mom I know that we moms would find a way to remain in our childs lives no matter where we may be in this world or the next. She will always be your best friend…no one can ever take that away from you! I pray that you will always feel your moms love. God Bless you too, deb
My mom passed away on my birthday almost a month ago. I’m eternally grateful for the personal reminder of her victory over this monster. It truly was reason to celebrate, and we certainly did. I was with her when she left. She was so brave, and in the words of my dad, most certainly a “beautiful warrior.”
She is not gone – she is somewhere else. I long to hear her voice, touch her cheek, feel her embrace. There is a gaping hole in my heart, in my life. She is my best friend and I am constantly wanting to tell her things. Sometimes it hurts so much I it feels like someone knocked the wind out of me.
I know I haven’t posted much, but I continue to pray for you all and check this site daily. I am so pleased for my mom and so proud of how valiantly she fought the battle. I miss her so much. It sounds so trite to say that because it just doesn’t do justice for the feeling.
I continue to live in the Truth that our reunion isn’t far away – but this grief is so deep.
God bless you all.
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