Mom with CC

Hi Landr,
I actually posted a reply to your original message and I don’t know if you saw it, so I’ll copy and paste it here. Hope everything’s going okay for you –
– Joyce

Dear Rob and Lewanne,
I feel so terrible for you – and your family. I know how difficult this is for you. I’m very surprised that the oncologist is sugar-coating the information he’s giving – that’s unethical and I didn’t think doctors did that anymore. Was anyone else there when the doctor said these things? I’m just asking because I know sometimes people (especially parents) try to hide the real facts from their families, so perhaps your parents are aware of the prognosis but are trying to protect everyone else from that knowledge? Or maybe they just heard what they wanted to hear and they’re in denial. If the doctor DID misrepresent things, that makes it very tough on you and I believe he should be up front with your mother and let her know EXACTLY what the situation is. It shouldn’t be up to YOU to have that painful task. My mother was given a brutal and blunt assessment when she was diagnosed — they told her she’d live maybe a year and she only lived for less than 2 months after — and my mother was very depressed but it was better that she knew. Even then, she didn’t make all her plans and get things cleared up before she died because she kept thinking she had more time (we all did) and of course we were all secretly hoping for a miracle. So, a little bit of denial is helpful and even necessary to keep your sanity, but people should be told that they may not have much time.

My mother was also stage 4 and to my understanding, Stage 4 always means there are metastases to distant parts of the body – lungs, bone, etc. So I would ask about that, too. Your mother’s symptoms are alarming to me because they are very similar to my mother’s during the last two weeks of her life, so I would urge you to hurry and prepare her for the worst. I know that sounds terrible, and I”m not saying that she won’t hang on for a few more months or even a year, but the course of this disease is very unpredictable and can become aggressive very quickly. The swelling is very worrisome, especially if it’s not getting better with water pills.

I wish you the very best and I hope you get that miracle that I was counting on for my mother that never showed up. Everyone here has a lot of information that you can’t get anywhere else since doctors don’t go into too much detail and it’s a pretty rare disease. Ask any question and someone on this forum will try to steer you in the right direction.

Please remember that my mother’s experience may be vastly different from yours, and don’t lose heart.

Take care –
Joyce