Discussion Board Forums Grief Management money issues

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  • #53895

    I’m kind of new around here, and lost my mother 2 weeks ago to CC. I know it’s not the same as your spouse, but it’s devastating to me.

    I just want you to know that I feel so bad for you. I have a family of 6, and we struggle every single day with money. I don’t know how we’ll make it some days. But you know what, Theresa, each night I go to bed, and I wake up and start another day. I know it’s going to be just as sucky as the day before, but I do it anyway. I owe it to my kids, if no one else. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s hard, and they days are long, but somehow, things work out.

    Just know that we may not have the answers, we may not even “understand,” but we are all in this together, one way or another. We can do this…one day at a time.

    Hugs, sweetie!

    #53894
    darla
    Participant

    I have to agree with you two ladies. Some people are just toxic to us and we need to stay away. Whatever it takes. I have a few of those situations too and am learning that it is best for me to stay away and stick with those who care and are supportive.

    I’m another none caller. I too talk when people call me, but don’t often make the calls myself.

    Theresa, it sure does seem that your daughter has some sense of knowing when she is needed. You are fortunate to have her in your life.

    Love & Hugs,
    Darla

    #53893
    lainy
    Member

    Know what Theresa? Sometimes we just have to keep the bad out of our lives. If Wayne felt the same way as you do then this woman does not exist. I had to laugh when you said you don’t make phone calls as I don’t make many either!!!
    I don’t know why I just don’t. My friends understand and call me and if someone calls I will talk a long time, I just don’t make many calls. That is some story again about your daughter, wow.

    #53892
    missingwayne
    Member

    I don’t know if I mentioned it, I have this thing about talking on the telephone, really not talking on the phone. My therapist talked me into calling to pay my house note. She advised me to call Wayne’s sister, the biggest mistake of my life. She told me anything to be spiteful and hateful. I told her she was lucky I allowed her to go to the hospital, hospice, and the funeral. She said she was his sister that I couldn’t stop her. Then I explained the law to her, when you get married your spouse becomes your next of kin, then parents, then children, I told her she was down the line. I knew it was a mistake to call, I found out the one I wouldn’t allow to to go to these places is moving 4 miles from me. I know we will run into Wal-Mart, the last time we saw her, I told him she was sitting across in a restraunt, he refused to look around to see her. Four year prior was the last time they saw each other, she told her that she loved him. (Yeah right!)
    I almost forgot, I was getting ready to call one of the people on my call list when guess who called, my daughter Heather.

    #53891
    pamela
    Member

    Dear Theresa,
    I think it is so awesome that your daughter shows up when you need her. She is like your little guardian angel here on earth. Maybe your husband somehow let’s her know when you need her. I am glad you are doing better. Take care and remember that a lot of people care about you.

    Love, Pam

    #53890
    missingwayne
    Member

    I have a son who lives out of town, and he has two daughters. My daughter lives nearly 50 miles away, I call it the other country. I live 25 miles east of the Mississippi River and she lives 25 miles west of the Mississippi, but she works on this side, in LSU. I still have most of Wayne’s things where he left them, we didn’t know that when he went to the hospital, he would never come home. We have two sheds with all different toys of his, probably sooner or later most will go to my daughter and her husband, a lot have never been used. Some I’ll keep I can use a electric saw if I need to, and a drill. I have a couple of kits in the utility room. Thanks for caring.

    #53889
    lainy
    Member

    Theresa, I am so proud of you! What a big step that was for you and your daughter. I bet Wayne is feeling real good right now!
    Fortunately for me, when Teddy knew his time was limited, he made up little bags for all the kids and Grandkids. Everyone got something. Next came his tools and etc in the garage. I had to do nothing when he passed except for some clothes which I gave to all the kids after his Memorial. My daughter took about 10 suits to a homeless mission. Didn’t know what else to do with them but I told my friends if they were on the expressway and saw a homeless person begging and wearing a suit it was Teddy’s. The Mission was very greatful for the clothes. Sometimes you just really surprise me and that makes me happy. Do you have just the one daughter? Any Grandkids or other family near you? You are very blessed to have such a wonderful daughter and its amazing how she just happens to show up when you need her.

    #53888
    missingwayne
    Member

    I had therapy after work yesterday, she waited until it was time for me to leave that she told me that my friend who is paying for it stops at the end of the year. She asked how I felt, I know I got very quiet, I felt my blood pressure raise, and my depression drop lower. I got home went to bed, I heard my dog barking over and over, I looked out it was my daughter. I told her that it seems she shows up when I’m down. My daughter told me she would pay for my therapy, not to worry. I did another first, my daughter the other day was talking about going to buy a air compressor. I bit my upper lip, and said we have one in the shed, which belonged to her dad. That’s the reason she came over, but that was the first one of Wayne’s toys to leave my house. I was sad that Wayne would not ever use it again, but it is in a good home, I know Wayne would be OK with that. That didn’t stop the tears then and now but it is still in the family. I told her also that I have some attachments somewhere still in the boxes never used.

    #53887
    darla
    Participant

    Theresa,

    Thanks for posting this good news. Glad you have things more under control. And thanks for bringing awareness of CC to your work place by wearing your CC shirt and green ribbon on pink day along with the pink one. Good job! :)

    Love & Hugs,
    Darla

    #53886
    marions
    Moderator

    Good to hear that you are feeling much better, Theresa. Please, stay well.
    All my best wishes,
    Marion

    #53885
    lainy
    Member

    Way to go Theresa! I had a feeling the meds had something to do with it. Wishing for you to stay on the upward trend, that makes us very happy! And love that you are wearing the CC shirt! Thanks for letting us know you feel better.

    #53884
    missingwayne
    Member

    Thank you, for your notes, its been a rough time. Once I got my med.s by Tuesday I was feeling better. Still sad, still cry, but right now I’m holding my own. I do have people on my contract to call if it gets that bad, that time my daughter called me. Other times I have called my therapist. The lady that told me to drop my insurance so I could get it from the mental health place, do taked into the fact that I’m diabetic, high blood pressure, thyroid med.s, potassium, iron from my oncologist, and medicine for my inherited tremmors. After I broke my thumb last week I also found out that I inherited all my mothers arthritis. I get very discourage but I’m trying. By the way today at work was pink day, for breast cancer. I’m wearing my green cc foundation t-shirt with a green ribbon, under it I did put a pink one. Cc is not fare to the patient, or to the familes. Thanks

    #53883
    kathyb
    Member

    Theresa,

    Tears came to my eyes when I read your first post. My prayers have been with you.

    Kathy

    #53882
    pamela
    Member

    Dear Theresa,
    I read your post the other day and felt so terrible for you. I was afraid to say anything to you and I am sorry. I didn’t want to say something that could have made you feel worse. I felt you needed more professional advice than I was able to give. I realize now that all I needed to say was that I care and that might have helped. I am sorry and I do care about you. I hope you are able to find happiness one day.

    Love, Pam

    #53881
    marions
    Moderator

    Theresa….of course we care. How could we not? We are in this together. I am worried about you, Theresa. Theresa, I don’t know whether you are aware of this, but there is a suicide hotline. I don’t know they number in your area however please, find it, write it down and have on you at all times. In addition to your counselor please, write a note to our Dr. Giles. Use this link
    http://www.cholangiocarcinoma.org/ask.htm
    and please do it immediately.
    Know that you are loved and know that the dark clouds will lift for the sunshine to warm your heart.
    I am thinking of you,
    Hugs
    Marion

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