Mum – 74 yrs old given 6 months last July 05
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Hello Susan,
I see that you haven’t posted for a while, but I”m new to this forum and I’ve been looking over the postings and I see your mother’s situation is similar to mine. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but how is your mother – has she passed? I’m in the “waiting and watching” phase with my mother, wondering how long she has, looking for specific symptoms, worrying and worrying. She was just diagnosed two months ago, but she is in Stage 4, with her entire liver covered in tumors and some on her lungs. I’m just looking for any information about end-of-life care and what I should look for.I’m so sorry if your mother has passed – and if she hasn’t, I’m sure we would love to hear the happy news.
All the best-
JoyceHi Everyone
Well the steroids have done the trick. Mum is eating well again, not as much as a person without this but doing really well.
I washed mum’s hair yesterday and styled it for her, she looked like her old self again. She is walking much better, still a little unsteady but there is a difference.
What a change, we are pleased for every good day we have, hopefully she will feel confident enough to visit my daughters new house, I know it will mean so much to my daughter for her granny to see it.
Mum’s attitude to this has been the key for her, in her mind she dismisses this horrible cancer and tries to get on with life.
I think she realises now that she will have to use wheelchair when she goes out, but hey she is going OUT.
Hopefully back to the day hospice next Monday, I know she enjoys going and hasn’t been for a few weeks.
Life’s good at the moment, I will take that for today, hope everyone is OK, back on my rollercoaster ride!
Take care all, Susan
Mum has been out of hospital now for quite a few weeks. She came out very very weak and has lost a lot of weight.
Mum had a terrible chest infection which she has only just been given antibiotics for she is also now on steroids. Mum was very low, I haven’t seen her that low before, she is so fed up and wants to know when she will feel like her old self again. Mum has been on the steroids for 3 days, seems a little better and eating more.
She is so weak though, can just about get downstairs, she tried a shower yesterday but ended up really tired and was sick afterwards.
Small steps every day, hopefully mum will return to feeling a little better soon, it will take time. You can tell her muscles aren’t strong and I don’t know if this can be built up or not.
Everyday is precious, more than ever now, it was a shock at first to see how much mum had changed but we are getting there.
This is really a roller coaster of emotions, at one point I thought my mum was near the end of her life, now I hope we are on the right side of this set back.
Who know’s, I pray every night for her, I am not particularly religious and doubted at first if there was anything out there, but I still hope.
My daughter moves into her new house today, and I am hoping at some point mum will be fit enough to see her new home, I know that means a lot to my daughter.
Take care everyone, Susan
Hi Caroline
Always nice to see a reply from you, glad to see you are still fighting, I absolutely believe this is all about how you are mentally as well.
Mum is a fighter like you and it shows when we visit, this makes this awful experience a positive on for both her and the family.
You are right, there should be more documentary’s like the one we just had. People think I am strange talking about end of life so openly. They don’t tell be but I know by the way they react. May be in the future things will change, I can only say it will be for the better.
We organise a pram and cot for a new born, but don’t think about the end of life for ourselves or our loved one’s.
You know half of me wants to ask how long now and the other half doesn’t, not a bit like me I usually like to be in control.
We have April rain showers in England, but the daffodils are blooming so looking forward to the spring weather.
I watched Oprah today, the one where she had Heather Small on singing “what have you done today to make you feel proud”. I love that song and yet another guide to live each day by.
Keep smiling and take care, Susan
Susan-
I wish we had more TV shows in America like the one you described instead of our “reality TV shows”, many of which seem more staged than real – sort of like these wrestling shows. I think they should do a reality show called “Cancer” which would help educate people about cancer.
I hope you can get one of your mother’s doctors to tell you where they think she’s at. My oncologist is pretty good about warning me that I may not have that much longer. There are days though, when I use my “override” button and just tell myself that I’m not leaving this world until I’m damn good and ready, cancer or no cancer.
I have a post on the clinical trial section about how that’s going for me. Some good and bad. I have a really bad rash, but on upside I’ve got way more energy. They tell me that the rash is a sign that the drug is working.
Thinking of you and your Mum,
CarolineMum is still in hospital, not quite sure why. She is eating well and drinking. I don’t doubt that the time is getting nearer, it is very scary. I can see mum is weaker, her stomach is swollen and her ankles slightly swollen also.
I watched a programme in England “how to have a good death” it was very good. A gentleman on that programme was dying, he’d had prostate cancer which had spread to his lungs. It was frightening to see his progress, one minute healthy and the next not.
They showed how the patient goes on a seemingly healthy path for a while and then it takes a very rapid down turn. I wish someone would tell us if we are on that down turn. I will try asking someone at the hospital either today or Monday. No one likes to commit themselve to a timeline, I understand why but desperate to know.
The programme also showed how we all should talk more about the end of life and what we want. I am glad to say that we have done this with our mum and know her wishes, hopefully we will get it right for her.
Hope you are all keeping sane and surviving this horrible experience. Susan
Hi Caroline
It is Mother’s Day in England today, so will go to the hospital to see how mum is. She wasn’t well last night, and had a fever again in the night. She isn’t eating too much and looks really tired.
I hope you have a good trip and enjoy every minute of it.
Take care everyone, Susan
Susan-
I am so sorry to hear that your mother had to go to the hospital, but maybe they can get rid of the infection and she can feel better again, at least for a while.
I have been getting so tired at night. This started before I got on the clinical trial medication. We’re making an effort to come home after work, relax, and go to bed early.
We leave today for a short trip over to Utah. My husband loves to go rockhounding. We’re meeting up with another friend and we will look for geodes and petrified wood. I will mostly stay in the truck and read, crochet, or nap, but hopefully, I’ll make a few “finds” myself. Just glad I have the energy to go with my husband.
I will think of you while we’re over in the Utah desert,
CarolineThank you Caroline.
Just returned from the hospital as my mum collapsed this morning. They think it is an infection and are doing tests to see if the infection is coming from the gall bladder.
She will be put on antibiotics via IV and have a few tests done. Hopefully her temperature will come down and everything will settle back.
Just another little set back, we hope that is all it is, mum is doing so well at the moment but this disease is taking over her I know.
Thank you for reading this and my prayers are with everyone, Susan
Susan-
Just a note to say that I’m thinking about you and your Mum.
Caretakers, such as yourself, have to have care as well, so be sure to do good things for yourself.
-Caroline
Thanks Patricia, you are right I know I have to be careful for my own health as well. I have a very good husband who is there for me, but I feel I can’t let it all out yet, I have to be strong for mum. I do try and spend time for me, just reading a magazine or watching TV makes me relax.
I keep going, and try and put a smile on each day, as I know it is precious.
You must take very good care of yourself. Two very stressful life events – your mother’s illness and the redundancy may affect your immune system and make you vulnerable. So please take a little time out for yourself to keep yourself well.
meditation and relaxation is very good for keeping your body strong.
Do you have anyone who can share the care with you?
My thoughts are with you
PatriciaHi Everyone
I thought I would let you know how my mum is, she is sleeping more and feeling really down about it also. I take her out but we have to make sure we have a wheelchair, and it usually isn’t for too long.
My mum still enjoys shopping, so I am grateful for that but I know it does tire her out.
She is more sickly so all the signs aren’t good.
I mentioned in my previous email that I am off work sick at the moment, I was told last week that I my not have a job to go back to, they are going to make me redundant.
Everything seems to happen at once, and I must admit I am really worried about mum now, my thoughts for mum are 24/7. I wasn’t well this weekend and I think that was due to the worry.
This is so awful to go through….
Susan-
You go, girl!
Both of my parents have passed away. When my father died, I went through a major mid-life crisis. I ultimately left my husband in an amicable divorce after examining what I really wanted in life. My mid-life crisis was one of the best things that ever happened to me! My ex and I are both remarried to people to whom we are much better suited. My ex seemed to have more respect for me after I left him than when we were married. He said he admired my strength to address our issues and get on with life, and I think he was relieved that I spoke (and he didn’t have to be the one to do so.)
My mother died in 2000 after a long decline in health, and she went in a peaceful fashion. Again, I re-evaluated my life and left my job as City Treasurer here which was quite stressful. It was a great experience, but I have no regrets for leaving. I took another job in government accouting which was way worse, but then an opportunity to buy the local bookstore fell out of heaven into our laps, and it all worked out. You don’t get rich selling books, but it is a lot more fun than governmental accounting.
So I think it’s great that you are spending more time with your mother and considering your options. I hope your mother is doing as well as can be expected. I suspect you’ll come to really cherish this time you are spending with her.
I’m so sorry we all have to go through this, but communicating on this website is a great help to me, so thank you for listening.
My thoughts are with you and your Mum,
-CarolineThank you Caroline for your post and I am sorry to hear yet another personal story about cancer.
I am at the stage now where I don’t care what they think, my mum is everything to me and so precious.
I can see the progression in her, her personality has changed slightly also.
Some good may come out of all this awful situation. I too am re-evaluating my life and planning on attending a part time 10 week counselling course. I really would like to do some good with my time here, rather than pushing paper round all day. It has got to be more satisfying.
You take care and have quality time with people you care about, isn’t that what life is all about.
Good luck, Susan x
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