Mum – 74 yrs old given 6 months last July 05
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Dear Susan-
I am glad to hear that you took some time off to spend with your mother. I have cc and I don’t know how long I have. I had my liver resected last November, and already the suckers are growing back. My next step is to get into a clinical trial for sorafenib and should find out next week if I will be accepted.
I actually have two friends coming to town this weekend to see me. One of them would probably be coming anyway as she is coming to cross-country ski. But another one is coming out of her way, and I know it’s because we both realize that I may not have that much time left. It is a little upsetting to admit this, but I have to be realistic about what may lie ahead. So, I am contacting lots of friends and relatives so I can get some last visits in while I’m in good health. I’m sure your mother will want to spend as much time as she can with you. I don’t want any of my loved ones to jeopardize their work situation, finances, or health for me (my sisters each have offered to donate part of their livers to me), but I’m sure it is invaluable to your mum to see you as much as she can.
Long before cancer became an issue for me, I had two older friends that lived in the Dallas area that had cancer, so I flew down to see each of them over a weekend. I had just started a new job with a strict boss and had no time off, and as luck would have it, my flight got cancelled out of Dallas. I had to miss a day of work, but I stayed late several nights and made it up and my boss got over it. She later left and asked me to apply for her job, so apparently, it didn’t affect her opinion of me in the long run. As both of my friends died within the year, I was so glad I made the trip to see them. Each one was almost like a second parent to me.
Very best of luck to you and your Mum. Seeing you will do her good I’m sure. I don’t have my own children, but each time I see my sisters or stepson, it feels so good.
-Caroline
Thank you Susani for your post, it is so helpful to know there are others out there that are going, or gone, through the same experiences.
I took the big step and am taking time off work at the moment. Mums appetite has gone, but she does still try to eat a little. I know I will never get this time back again, and that is what I think when I feel guilty about letting the people at work down. Hopefully, they understand and would do the same in my position.
My mum seems really strong, mentally, she has such a positive attitude. Although she seems to get days when she feels sickly and tired, just 1 day a week at the moment. I think this is probably the type of cancer she has that causes the sickness.
I am sorry you lost your husband, I hope you have lots of happy memories.
Thanks, Susan
I lost my husband in November of 2005. He had been diagnosed about 15 months before. I was not working and am soooo thankful I had time with him. Take off work and spend time with your loved ones. You will never get the time back and you will never regret it. I would imagine your loved ones know what is happening to them. It is hard to talk about it but they probably know deep down that they don’t have a lot of time. I am very comforted by the fact that my husband and I spent a year hoping for the best but also talking about the what-ifs. He kept fighting to the very end but he was also prepared. He did not give up or lose his spirit even though he knew it was getting bad. The end happened very quickly for my husband and it was very peaceful. There are some signs you can watch for, losing weight, not eating, getting disoriented, etc. There are some good books on hospice and end of life issues which may help you recognize what’s happening. The doctors and, especially the nurses, can also help you. Don’t be afraid to ask how long they have or find out what is happening. I wish you all the best.
Hi Randi
Thank you for reading my post and replying back.
I know exactly what you mean, you try and go day to day as normal.
However, if you take time out to be with them you are sort of saying they haven’t got long left and this could upset their spirit.
My brother always say’s what ever decisions we make now it will be the right one.
Good luck to you and your family Randi,
Regards, Susan
Hello Susan
My dad has cholangiocarcinoma cancer of the bile ducts and has been diagnosed since february 2005 . He has had chemo for 7 months last year but in november they said tumor is progressing and stopped chemo.
He is not getting better and like you I am thinking about taking time of from work to be with my parents. Here in denmark I can even get my normal salary during but it requires the accept of my father and I feel it is the same as saying that he is soon leaving us so that might take away all spark of life in him, the little that is left.
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone
Kind regards Randi
I am grateful for any site that offers some insite to what we as a family are going through.
My mum has been ill with pains for over 4 years now, and after numerous tests they finally decided that it was gall bladder pain. I was in no doubt of this as 4 years ago I, at the age of 22, had to have mine removed after going through a year of pain – so I understand exactly what the pain is like.
Once they operated last July, they found cancer all over the gall bladder. We have since found out that it is also in the liver, surrounding lymph nodes, also spotting in the lungs. They estimated an average of 6 months life span. I know this is always vague and happy to say my mum is still doing well.
She has lost some weight over the last month and her appetite has gone a little also, she occasionally feels sickly (but not often). My mum has decided not to have chemo as she feels there would be no great benefit from this for her and is worried that she wants to feel as well as she can, for as long as she can.
I am very proud of my mum for her bravery, I never realised what a strong women she is. Through her bravery she has provided us with just the same sort of attitude.
I do get very scared at times, I really worry about the time when things will get worse and this has been praying on my mind more and more now. She is getting a little slower in walking and I notice that her hands shake a lot as well.
I work, and I really am battling with myself on whether I should be taking time out to be with her. The place where I work have been really good with me and I can take time out whenever I want. Because they are so good I feel really guilty in letting them down, but then again I know I only have 1 mum.
I don’t know how long we have and would be grateful for anyone who has been in this situation to advise how things progress.
Many thanks for this website.
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