March 13, 2011 at 11:15 am #47163katieloumattMember
Sending my deepest sympathy on the loss of your darling husband Barry. I think the speed that which cc works sometimes takes us by surprise….
Wishing you and your young family peace and strength as you face the days and weeks ahead.
Hugs to you all.
KatieMarch 13, 2011 at 6:06 am #47162slittle1127Member
Oh Melanie – I wish we could be there to hug you and help carry the pain you are suffering right now. It helps to be able to talk about Barry and your love, your life. The pain is so awful and I am so sorry. It’s only been 6 weeks for me since my beloved husband died, and I feel like an alien when I go places and I have to force myself to go. It just seems like such a huge mountain to climb. Climbing it when you just want to pull the covers over your head is overwhelming. Please come and share your feelings often. We are so willing to listen and as you share your pain, we get in touch with our own and hep you carry yours. I am praying for you. SusanMarch 13, 2011 at 1:39 am #47161lainyParticipant
Melanie, I feel your pain but please know that it does get better. Never stops completely, but you accept it and eventually life moves on. Everything in due time and we all run on our own time. You will be busy for awhile with plans, paper work etc, etc. Remembr you have taken care of Barry for a long time and while that burden is lifted it also changes your life and routine. You feel you are not needed like you were and that in itself is an adjustment. Sadly there are so many adjustments to make. I find myself now approaching our first big Holiday next month (Passover) and Teddy will not be here to hide the Matzo and then instead of giving the prize to the Grandchild who finds it, he gave equal amounts to all 4. This is going to be a big one to climb. Don’t worry about meltdowns, other people, just do things as you feel comfortable doing them. You must give yourself at least a few months to adjust. I am sure that is what Barry would want. I told my sister, Melanie and my Brother Barry that you and Barry are on our site! Come as often as you desire and if you like you can also e mail me, if you need to ‘chat’. We are all here for you and since we are all going through this for the first time we try to help each other. We care.March 13, 2011 at 1:38 am #47160darlaParticipant
I agree with everything Nancy said. In the beginning it all seems so surreal and like her son, my husband did not want a funeral and also didn’t want me to have to go through all of that. When it happens so fast it is over before you even have time to realize what is happening. I think in many ways we go through a type of post traumatic stress syndrome.
Come here whenever you need to talk or just vent your feelings. It does help. You will stay strong for your kids and as the other Nancy said, they need you and you need them. You will all get through this somehow and be OK, together.
My heart aches for all of you. Thinking of you.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaMarch 13, 2011 at 12:18 am #47159mlepp0416Participant
Melanie and family:
Words cannot express….I am so sorry for your loss.
MargaretMarch 12, 2011 at 8:32 pm #47158nancy246Participant
Dearest Melanie, Keep venting it’s okay. We are here. Let your grief come. People grieve differently. Whatever you need to do is okay. I agree with Nancy that I think your kids coming back will help you. They need you, you need them. And you can talk to us about Barry anytime. I’d love to hear about him and I will tell you about the love of my life Doug. I am praying for that strength for you girl, but I think you already have it. Sending lots of love and prayers from Revelstoke B.C.
NancyMarch 12, 2011 at 3:27 pm #47157gracefulmeadow86Member
Melanie – I’m so sorry for your loss
I know everything seems so raw right now, especially with having to make all the funeral arrangements. That was my “numb time” when my dad passed. It really didn’t hit me until that commotion was over and I had to get back to my “normal life”. Like Lainy always says, i’m trying to make my “new normal”. Its a struggle every day, but knowing that my dad would want me to move on and lead a happy life without him is comforting. I’m sure your husband wanted the same for you and your kids.
I’m thinking about you guys a lot and wishing you comfort wherever you can find it right nowMarch 12, 2011 at 2:38 pm #47156nur1954Participant
Melanie – I understand how you are feeling right now. You have gotten through the past four months in a surreal world, always hoping you would wake up and this nightmare would be over.
The one blessing — at least for me — was that my son did not want a funeral service. So, for the first weeks after his death, I was able to just sit back and come to terms with his loss. We had a memorial service for him a month after his passing. It was more of a celebration of his life in our Church hall. We had a slide show of beautiful pictures from John’s life, I displayed copies of letters I had received from friends all over the world, and displayed photos that John had taken on his many adventures. A few very close friends spoke and we played music that was so important to John. Cake and coffee….and that was it. It was very cathartic and healing, but still took quite a toll on us. I’m not sure what you believe in…or how you feel about some things….so this is certainly a personal decision, but my doctor gave me a very mild sedative to help me get through those first few months. Honestly, it did help. I was afraid it was going to put me in a “fog”, but it didn’t. The dosage was mild enough to just help take the edge off my overwhelming emotions and that was another way I got through.
Having your children home may actually help you somewhat. They are young but you will see the light in their eyes every day and you will know that you will carry on for them. Find whatever “crutches” you need, and then lean on those crutches. Counseling helps for some people….I didn’t go because I have a huge support group (family and friends) who let me vent to them. I also have a few close friends who have suffered losses and they were a wealth of comfort to me.
I’m not a very religious person — so people saying it was “God’s will” actually made me a bit angry; but I knew they were trying to help, so I took it with a grain of salt. My husband is very religious, so I knew those thoughts were helping him. It’s very overwhelming and you may just need to disappear a bit every day — go into your room — and have a good cry. There is nothing wrong with that.
I’ll be thining of you and wishing you peace. Vent away….vent away….vent away – NancyMarch 12, 2011 at 2:16 pm #47155melanie71Participant
I don’t know how so many have gotten through this. My grief and despair run so deep, and yesterday was simply awful, making arrangements, purchasing a plot, having his clothes returned to me. His family starts arriving today and I know I need to be strong but I can’t stop crying.
A lady from my church came by last night and gave me all of these scriptures about widows, and kept telling me how much the Lord loves and cares for me and I have to say I felt no comfort from that at all. I think it is too raw and too soon for me to hear that, and all I want to talk about is my husband – not God. And kind-hearted people keep calling and wanting specifics about how much food to bring and when – I do appreciate them and know they’re doing something wonderful for us, but they sound so cheery and it forces me to sound cheery back, while only reminding me even more that he’s gone.
Anyway, please pray that I’ll have the strength to get through this, to pull it together before my kids come back home today (they’ve been with grandparents). I think I must have been in some sort of denial phase these past 4 months, believing he was going to get better, or at least that it would never happen this fast, because it has hit me as if it were totally and completely unexpected.
Thanks for lettting me vent,
MelanieMarch 12, 2011 at 5:39 am #47154joolz822Member
I am sorry for your terrible loss.March 11, 2011 at 8:22 pm #47153lisaParticipant
I am so sorry for your loss. May God bless you and the children and may he be with you in this time of grief.March 11, 2011 at 8:21 pm #47152nancy246Participant
Dear Melanie, I am so sorry to hear of your beloved Barry’s passing. I guess there can be some comfort in the shock of him going quickly in that he will be suffering no more. My kids are grown and in their 20’s and this is hard for us, I can’t imagine with 2 young children. I hope you have a lot of support there for you as you go through this most difficult time. You know we are always here for you so do keep in touch. Thinking of you often and sending much love to you, your children and the rest of yours and Barry’s families. Barry will be with you forever.
NancyMarch 11, 2011 at 6:03 pm #47151micsylParticipant
Gone too soon. My heart and prayers are with you and your kids. May you feel the gentle presence of your Barry, and may this light and love be with your children as well.
with love and strength to you and the children.
MichelleMarch 11, 2011 at 5:02 pm #47150darlaParticipant
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed in a short time and suddenly also. I truely know and understand what you are going through. Try to be comforted by knowing he is no longer suffering and in pain. He will always be with you and your children in your heart and memories. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you at this sad time. Keep coming back here. It does help.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaMarch 11, 2011 at 4:52 pm #47149ziggydogParticipant
Melanie – I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away 3 weeks ago and I have found this site to be both helpful and a great comfort. My thoughts are with you and your children. Life has become one day at a time for me and I have found that to be the best way to exist. My e-mail is firstname.lastname@example.org should you ever want to contact me. Advise that was given to me – easier said than done – is “take care of yourself so you can take care of your daughter”
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