My first week of dealing with the loss of my wonderful Dad
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Thank you Frances – and everyone else for your comments. It’s a comfort to know that what I’m going through is ok and normal.
It’s the funeral tomorrow and I’m so anxious.
Xx
Dear Sammi,
I am so sorry for your loss–and just wanted to add a few words even though I myself am still going through the grieving process, having lost my mother 3 months ago.
I won’t describe my situation as I’ve just written about it in the preceding thread, but I wanted to let you that I felt very much the same way and was going through the exact same process, crying every day. It must have been a relief my mother no longer had to suffer–and so like you, I finally started to catch up on sleep.
I nearly quit my job but, like you, knew that my mother would not have wanted me to stop for her. It was a wise decision as it distracted me in a good way: it reminded me that I have my own interests and that life is worth it. Otherwise, I would have been relentlessly hounded by memories and feel even more overwhelmed. (Trust me, there were days when I just don’t want to climb out of bed either.) I am now returning to the book that I was supposed to have completed before my mom got ill–and I tell myself that she would want me to complete it and dedicate it to her. So at times when I am doing other chores and feeling especially down, I urge myself to return to the project ASAP–no browsing online!
You are fortunate to have two young daughters. Love and cherish them (as if you need to be reminded!) : that is what your father would have wanted. And one day, when you least expect it, you may see aspects of your father in them–if not already. Or perhaps there are aspects of your father in you that you would like to develop? Whenever I tell myself “try and be as smart and efficient as mom,” it helps me get through tough patches.
Not least, I wanted to add that I have fond memories of your city. I was there from 1994-2001 and enjoyed every minute studying there. Some of my happiest recollections are of my parents visiting me, particularly my mom when she came to see me over the Xmas hols in 1998 (why not Xmas in England?) We had the best time watching telly (I had just bought one), trying restaurants and pubs, and heading out to London on the weekends.
I wish you the best and hope you find peace: I second Darla–grief has no time frame as it is very individual.
Frances
Sammi, I agree with Marion & Lainy. Grief has no time frame. It is very individual and there is no right or wrong to it. It just is. Hugs, Darla
Dearest Sammi,
The people who think there is a time limit for grief have never lost a piece of their heart. Take all the time you need. No rule book. No time frame. No judgment. Grief is as individual as a fingerprint. Do what is right for your soul.
Sammi…..that is what grief is all about – they say it is the price we pay for love. There are no quick fixes – we have to go through it. You are doing everything right, dear Sammi, you give to your children and you mourn the loss of your dear Dad. Each of us grieve differently; there is no time line, but the intervals of sorrow will lengthen – with time. You too will get through it…lean on us…and anyone able to hear you out.
My heart is with you,
Hugs and love
MarionSending you hugs and strength. Thank you for sharing this post with us and continuing to help others in this position….you are one amazing daughter!
MelindaNot sure, but hope you can feel the hugs coming from the other side of the pond.
I am so sorry for your sorrow.
Catherine
I don’t know how other people experience a bereavement of someone close to them but these are my thoughts of my first week of coping with the loss of my amazing Dad.
Firstly, no matter how long I knew this day would come, the shock, pain and sadness literally took my legs out from under me the evening I was told he’d just passed. The noises coming from me as I sobbed like never before sounded like nothing I’d ever heard.
Then the numbness and emptiness started.
I went back to work the next day, because that’s what he would have wanted. And to be fair, keeping busy at work helps me get through each day.
Since he passed, I’ve found that I sleep really well but have very vivid dreams. For the 6 months from his diagnosis to his passing, I rarely slept well. It now feels that each night I’m making up for all those sleepless ones.
First thing in the morning is tough, that’s when I remember that it’s real and not a nasty dream. Getting out of bed is an effort, it would be so easy to bury myself away under the duvet and not leave the house. I have two young daughters and if it wasn’t for them that’s probably what I would do.
Once I’m up and about I then feel able to face the world and so my normal day begins.
I find myself talking to him out loud a lot – people who see me must think I’m a crazy woman. But it comforts me.
Back home in the evening, once the children are in bed, the tears start. Sometimes they silently travel down my cheeks and other times I sob like a little girl. Which I feel I am, even at 38 years old – a little girl who has lost her precious Daddy.
So that’s my first week of sadness. I’ve yet to get through the funeral and I know that will bring its own challenges.
I take lots of strength from managing a memorial page for him, having his belongings around me and regularly looking at pictures of him when he was happy and well.
Thank you for reading. God bless all of you who are going through the loss of a dear loved one from this nasty disease.
X
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