November 8, 2010 at 11:34 pm #43314charleaParticipant
What a wonderful thing you did when you cared for Tad at home. I am a nurse and have cared for so many patients in the hospital where family were not in attendance when the patient died. You gave so much comfort at great expense to you but it meant everything to Tad even when he was comatose. God bless you.November 2, 2010 at 8:33 pm #43313devoncatParticipant
PLEASE remember to be kind to yourself. You are right, perhaps the pain can not be shared for it is in your heart and your home. But like your last sentence says YOU are not alone.
You will find your way out of the darkness and pain for the simple fact you must. You have children that need you. But you will be amazed by the help you will get if you let people.
We dont have the answers or the cure to take away the pain or a wand to make everything right. We only have an ear to listen, extra strength to spare and the experience that though the pain will never completely disappear it will lessen. Grief takes many forms and there is no time line. You will find the strength.
KrisNovember 2, 2010 at 8:12 pm #43312lsismanParticipant
to KevinKY – you are so lucky you had a hospice facility option. In MS and TN there are no hospice facilities, you have no choice but to die at home. It is awful, horrifying to the children and the vision of the end stays in your head forever. Only if the patient has a medical issue that puts them in the hospital can they have hospice attend to them and they may pass there. Hospice came in only for things I needed, oxygen delivery, catheter insertion, bedsore adhesive pads. They stayed no more than the time they needed and were gone. Honestly there was nothing for them to do. They came at the end, to do paperwork and await the funeral service car to come for pickup. I was not sure if I wanted to drive to a facility, if there was one, to visit and what if I missed his last breath, and I didnt’ ahve the kids with me. the schedule would have been intense, in the end, we were able to sit with him every hour and help him adjust his postion, they don’t have someone sit by your bed 24 hours in any facility I know. He got intense attention and love, but yes, it was awful to see . I can’t say too much about Hospice, I felt I was Hospice! I just wish everyone the best help they can get.November 2, 2010 at 8:06 pm #43311lsismanParticipant
Unfortunatley sharing the burden does not help or make me feel better. It is my loss and I will be me in my house raising kids alone. No escape and no options. I’m sorry …. It has been interesting to read how many people this cancer hits through this site, but nothing comforts the pain as it can’t be shared, it is for me and my family to live with and live through. I pray that so many that get this, LIVE and have success beating this thing, I pray that some research in the future can detect this ugly thing early, but for those that are unfortuantley, my heart goes out to each one of you as it has been a awful painful upsetting experience for me as a caregiver and now a widow at 48. This experience has been awful for my kids and my worst struggles are yet to come working full time and raising kids with no family or friends that can help. God bless everyone, and thanks for this site and letting people know THEY ARE NOT ALONE.November 2, 2010 at 6:17 pm #43310nancypkeenParticipant
So sorry to hear about your loss. My heart goes out to you and I hope for brighter sunshine days ahead for you. I know you have been through very difficult times.
NancyNovember 1, 2010 at 6:01 pm #43309sunshinecaregiverMember
I know your heart is broken. Remember a burden carried alone is so heavy, but when friends share the burden with you it is so much easier. You can feel the comfort of all your friends at this site. We all share in your grief and loss. Take care and know that we are all praying for peace, loving family memories, and rest for the caregivers.November 1, 2010 at 1:03 pm #43308kevinkyMember
I am very sorry to hear of your loss. My sincere condolences. My wife, Kristin, passed away last month in a hospice. She had originally thought about hospice care at home, but in the end, she decided against it because of the effect her dying here would have had on me. I’m so glad she made that decision–it’s hard enough being alone in this house that feels so empty without having the additional knowledge that she died here.
The care she was given in the hospice was outstanding, and she died peacefully and with dignity. Her room faced west, and while she was there, there were gorgeous sunsets over the bluegrass farmland she could see from her bed, birdsong wafting in through the open windows. Friends and family surrounded her until the end, and I was even allowed to bring the dog to say her final goodbye. I could not extol the virtues of hospice care more.
My best wishes to you. We are both beginning a very rough time.October 31, 2010 at 11:00 am #43307katjaMember
Thank you for that Kathy,
It had worried me too, both for Margaret and myself, but you are right, Hospice will guide as to what is best.
KateOctober 31, 2010 at 9:06 am #43306kathybMember
Please do not allow a graphic description of a death to influence your decision and your husband’s wishes on what to do when his time on this earth is ending. Hospice can guide you to make the best decision at that time.
My father-in-law died unexpectedly at home. We found him. I’ve been with someone who died in the hospital. My father died this fall at home under hospice care.
Death can be very peaceful. It can be very undignified. We don’t have a choice.
Unless a caregiver plans on dropping the family member off at the hospital/hospice and not returning, they will be a part of this experience.
KathyOctober 30, 2010 at 11:28 pm #43305mlepp0416Participant
Isisman: So sorry to hear of your husband’s passing. Words cannot express….
I know that my husband wants to die at home and after reading your post, I’m not so certain about that anymore.
Hopefully your good memories will erase those memories of his final days and you will be able to remember him as he truely was, not the man that CC turned him into. I hope you will return to this site as you work through your grieving process.
Hugs and Prayers coming your way.
MargaretOctober 30, 2010 at 10:53 pm #43304tlsinftlMember
I am sure words can’t express the pain you must be feeling, just know that all of us are here for you! Find your favorite photos of Tad and your fondest memories will overcome the images from the past week…my thoughts are with you.
tomOctober 30, 2010 at 8:29 pm #43303jeffgriederMember
My heart reaches out to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.October 30, 2010 at 3:59 am #43302tiapattyMember
I am so sorry for your loss, you will need all your strength as a family to get through the times to come. As you grieve, it is important to reminisce about the husband and father that everyone knew, it helps so much in getting past the images from his last days that are so painful.
PattyOctober 30, 2010 at 1:50 am #43301slittle1127Member
My heart goes out to you and your family. In time, good memories will replace these difficult ones. May you find peace and comfort in the years you have shared. This is such a difficult walk to make, but your Tad had you there to love him till the very last breath. God bless you for that and may His peace engulf you as you face the days ahead. Blessings, SusanOctober 30, 2010 at 1:45 am #43300magicParticipant
I send my sincere condolences to you and your family.I felt that he would go soon and I think your honest and realistic posts were good for this board.Given the pain issues and suffering he endured it must be a relief to you although very sad too.Good luck with the coming challenges. Janet
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.