My husband is fading away

Discussion Board Forums Supportive, Palliative & Hospice Care My husband is fading away

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    Hi Jeff,

    Thanks for your remarks. I must admit too that I have been beating myself up about it all as I can’t understand how Alan got such a cancer especially when statistics say that it is very rare in the western world. Can I get it perhaps? Is it in the environment or is it genetic? No one seems to know for sure how people get it? Is it from the food we eat?

    That is hard as well – the not knowing why??

    I won’t let it rob my future but it is hard at this stage to consider enjoying a future without Alan as he was to be my future but I will try with God’s help.

    His was so quick – He had very few symptoms before diagnosis except that he was tired a symptom which I also have because I have CFS and so nothing to pin cancer on.



    Jenny …It’s so hard to keep up with everyone, but in case I haven’t already ,I would like to pass on my sincere sympathy with loosing Alan. I can only imagine your loneliness. I can say without imagination this cc slowly but surely affects the liver and lungs. Alan would want you to use your internal strenght and press on with life and take good care of yourself I’m sure ;just as I would want my wife of 31 years to do the same as well. If not this monster of CC will continue to damage life in another way; that we can’t let happen. We have control over that aspect to a greater degree. Don’t let it rob your future Jenny.

    God Bless,
    Jeff G.


    Hi everyone,

    How is Colin Fran. I feel so much for you. My husband went through the fevers etc. and he went blue in January, had DVT etc. and was hospitalised for 10 days until he died on 15th February. He was only 57 and we had been married for 33 years. This is a horrible cancer that is called the silent killer as it seems by the time people know they have it, it is only a matter of time in most cases as it affects the liver and lungs.

    I miss my husband Alan so much. It is so lonley and my life is so different now. I am probably not looking after myself as well as I could be at the moment either but will have to try and live on for him. He would want that.

    I live in Queensland Australia. Teresa sorry to hear about your Alan.



    Fran –

    We went through a similar situation with Mike. May God be with you and give you peace and strength. Know that all of us on this board love you and Colin. Keep talking to him, holding his hand, whatever is meaningful to you, let him know how much you love him, how blessed you’ve been to have such a beautiful life with him, and when he crosses over, just how much you will miss him. Also remember that it will be very helpful if you give him permission to go when he’s ready, if you haven’t already done that. And, that you will be fine (even though you know that this is the hardest situation you’ve ever endured.) I’m sending you a huge hug, and am here for you.

    Love, Joni



    Fran… My heart goes out to you! May God give you the strength to make it through these trying days ahead.
    God Bless You and Colin.
    Jeff G.


    Oh Fran
    just reading your latest message brings heartache and tears for you and Colin. I truly understand where you both are at this time.
    My Alan was pretty much the same. He had been out and about with his friends up until the last 5 days and transferred some money out of his account just two days before his ending. I asked the nurse if it was cruel for me to say “I hope he goes soon.” I did not wish for him to suffer any more than he needed to.

    It is only when you have been on this shared journey, that we understand. We will all be here for you at any time. I hope and Pray that both of you will find love and peace at this time. love and light Alan’s mom


    Oh Fran,

    My prayers and thoughts are with you. Just know that God will always be there for you, will comfort you, will hold you in His arms and eventually ease the pain of losing some you love so dearly.

    Love in Christ,



    I thank you all for your kind words and prayers. Colin is no better, his doctor came in today and gave him extra mophine, he feels that Colin will pass in the next few days. I am now resigned to the fact that we will not have Christmas together, I would not wish him to linger in this awful state, the pain and loss of dignity are so hard to watch, I know he has given up and I just wish him peace and eternity without pain, I love him so much I want him to go, love Fran



    Colin sounds amazing with his fighting spirit. Both of you are in my thoughts and prayers.



    you and family are in my thoughts and heart Fran. Every moment is precious.
    Hold on to each other and know we are on your side.


    Thankyou all for your prayers and kind words, I am glad to say Col has not had any high fevers for 3 days now but is very fatigued. His Doctor has been wonderful and explainedthat the fevers are caused by the tumor. Colin has such a strong mind, that up until Wednesday he was still getting up each morning and going about his chores in the garden. He now has accepted that his body cannot use any energy apart from what the body needs to survive.
    My husband is such an amazing man with a strength that I admire, it has been a hard lesson for him to realise he can no longer do the things he loves to do in the garden and now is allowing me to take on those chores.
    His Doctor has said he may not make it to Christmas, he has been a Doctor for 25 years and has learned never to make pridictions on how long someone has because the human soul is an amazing thing and it will decide when the time is right, love Fran


    Hi Fran

    All of my thoughts are with you. I went through the same thing this time last year with my husband Ken and I can honestly say I know what you are going through. Ken was given 6 mo and made it 4. He made it through Christmas (with a strength I wish I had) and he left us on Dec 27th.
    Cherish every moment you have with him!



    I am wondering about the infection, which I assume is causing his temperature to spike. Fran, have you discussed with his physician the possiblity for him to be on an IV antibiotic ?
    Hoping and wishing for him to have a reprieve.


    Dear Fran I am so sorry I also do not know much about the high fever,
    I do not wish for you to have any more anguish however I know that my Alan realised for himself that something was happening. He told me his head felt like a goldfish bowl.
    I also feel that we ourselves know when the time is ever near.
    My heart aches for you and your family and we would all hope you and Colin have some sharing and peaceful time for this xmas. love and light Alans mom


    Fran, my heart goes out to you. Christmas should be a time of rejoicing, but when one of our own is facing an illness such as this, it takes on new meaning. I pray that you have this Christmas as a family and that Colin has the best care possible to help him in the best possible way.

    Missing U

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