My mom
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Hi everyone,
I know that so many of you can relate to how I am feeling today, I had no idea that today would be so hard. It is our first holiday without mom. The pain is so intense.
It is almost harder since Max is here. My heart breaks that she isn’t here to enjoy him, and vice versa. Oh how she was so excited for him to come.
Thank you for being here,
AmyAmy,
I think we all have experienced what you are feeling. For everyone else, life goes on, but for those of us who have lost a loved one, someone important to us who was a major part of our lives, it will never be the same. Just know that we all understand and you can come here and talk or just rant & rave all you want. As Pam said, we really do all understand and care.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaAmylea,
I can only reiterate what everyone here has said. My Mom died on April 3, 2009 and I still can’t believe it really happened. I miss her most on my way home from the hospital after work. That’s when I usually called her to check in. I didn’t lose my grandmothers until the ages of 95 and 94 so I really expected to have my Mom at least 20 more years.
It will get better but I’m not sure it really ever stops hurting. I still catch myself starting to dial her office number. (She was still working full time at 76 because she liked to work)
Hang in there and come here often…it really is helpful that people here REALLY understand.
Oh……and by the way…..the pointy end of the tulip bulbs go up! ..lol Just think of them pointing to where your Mom is!
Hugs..
PamTo dear Amy, I read your post about your mum and it felt so familiar – my mum has CC and has been given a poor prognosis. I have to be honest and say that I have felt these very same fearful emotions strongly (indeed it was horrible when my mum was so unwell that she couldn’t even hold a conversation, there seemed to be so many things she had told me that I couldn’t remember, and I am fearful of how much I will miss her). I guess we always need our mums – I am in my early 40s and still need mine! My mum has even spoken about her own mum, and how she missed her when she died (of old age).. and how much shes looking forward to (hopefully) seeing her again in her next life. I could never deny her that, however much I want her to stay here with us.
I guess, in nature, nothing stands still, and if it gives you any comfort whatsoever – I can see very clearly from your mailing that your mother gave you the best gift of being a wonderful caring mum for your own daughter, and taught you the real pleasure of mothering and gardening – the joy of growth and discovery, nurturing.
I’m sure your mum is watching over you proudly, seeing you do everything just right, proud that her passions are being passed onto your daughter and in turn future generations.
I know this doesn’t take away the deep pain that you are probably feeling or your great sense of loss – but I hope this gives you some feeling of comfort when you miss her most. Wendy xmy mom died on july 12 2009 and i am stll trying to get use tp her not being here i have her death certificate and that was hard for me to look at me and my mom were close and i am the one daughter so we did a lot together here a hug
What a lovely, lovely poem, Lainy. I’m so glad you’re going to keep it for Maddy, Amy. I have some wonderful memories of my grandparents & it’s lovely to think that some things don’t necessarily change in these rapidly changing times.
I’m thinking of you, Amy, & am so sorry for your loss.
Patty,
Thank you for your post. I hate it that we have had similar experiences, but it is so nice to have people who understand how I feel. Just this last week two of mom’s friends and I went to an event that hospice was holding. It was so nice to have them to talk to about Mom. They loved her also. Thankfullly none of my friends have lost their parents, so they do not understand what I am going through. I also agree with you that even though we can be surrounded by tons of people we will always feel alone without our moms. I never imagined that it would be this hard. I have lost my dad, grandma, and grandpa, and while those were all difficult, it was nothing like this.
Thank you for sharing your feelings with me.
AmyAmy,
I also found that some people seemed to think that they should avoid mentioning my mom or asking questions about her. I think this is just people not being raised to be comfortable talking about these things. Also, I have found my mother’s friends more open to talking about her so it is perhaps related to what a person is going through at different ages. In other words, friends my age are not ready to confront their own parents’ mortality and so avoid the topic of my mom.
It has been over a year that my mom is gone now and as I type this I am trying not to cry. I think when you lose your mother, even if you have plenty of people around you, you will always feel a little more alone from then on.
Patty
Lainy and Sue, Thank you for your kind words, just what I needed.
Lainy, I am going to print out your post for Maddy so that she can cherish it when she gets bigger. Maddy and my mom were wonderful friends, just like my grandma and I were. Thank goodness for Grandmas. I was lucky enough to have my grandma until I was 28. I wish that Maddy could have had Mom until then. She doesn talk to Grandma daily. She will look up at the sky and talk to her, sooo cute!
Sue, Mom so badly wanted to meet you. She just had too many bad days to make plans to come and meet you. Maybe we could get together sometime. I would love it!!!
Thanks again to all of my friends!
AmyAmy,
I am so sorry you have to go thru this. I lost my dad and my mom a few years back, and I hurt so bad knowing I couldn’t talk to them again. But it does get better. It really does. But it will only get better on it’s own schedule. I think about you everyday (I still have your mom as a friend on facebook…now don’t cry about that!!! I am just not ready to take her name off. That’s silly, isn’t it?) I never even met her but she sure seemed like a wonderful woman.
Don’t rush things. You need to get thru the sad to remember the wonderful sometimes.
Hugs,
SueDearest Amy, everyone grieves in their own way. I truly believe that your mother is all around you and the day will come when you will feel her watching over you. I bet she guided you in the tulip planting. What a beautiful idea to write you letters. I have an idea for Maddy. She could make her very own scrapbook of her grandma. How wonderful that your mother acknowledged that she knew how you felt about her. Please just know that she really is not going to ever leave you.
TO MADDY:
Happy little angels
Layed down their harps one day,Hi everyone,
I have been having a really rough few days. It seems like everyone that I know has moved on except for me. I am NOT ready to move on. People call and invite me for lunch or want to talk, but it is about day to day stuff, and I just don’t want to hear about it! I don’t want to sound selfish and sound like I want people’s sympathy, I just don’t want them to forget that my wonderful mom is gone. I just down right miss her. I miss her voice, I have so many questions that I need to ask her. The other day I was planting tulips, and I didn’t know which way they went… Mom was our gardener, so this is my first time
. I so badly wanted to be able to come in and ask her what to do, but I couldn’t. Also, Maddy has been sick, so I wanted Mom’s advice about what to do……The pain is just so much. She wrote us letters for us to open after she was gone, and she wrote in mine that she knew that I would miss her the most, boy was she right. I have been so emotional nearly every day this week, my poor husband. Thank goodness that Gary is a gift from God, but I know that I am still wearing him out. NOTHING can replace the love that you have from and for your mother.It is so nice to be able to come here and share my feelings with people who unfortuantly understand exactly what I am feeling.
Lots of love,
AmyAmy,
I am thinking about you too. I dont know the answer to your question, but wanted you to know that I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts.Kris
Hi Amy,
I think about you every day. I wish things could have been different but at least you were there for your mom, and she was there for you. Time does make things better, but she will always hold a special place in your heart.
I think you are correct on the hepatic failure/CC explanation. I assume the CC eventually causes the liver to fail, so that would be the “official” cause.
Hugs,
SueHi everyone,
Almost 2 weeks have passed since Mom left us. Things are really starting to set in now. I can tell that the adrenalin is gone, reality is setting in. Maddy, my 5 year old, is having a rough time. At bed time she cries for Grandma. I miss her every day!
I received Mom’s death certificate yesterday (still can’t believe that I am saying Mom and death certificate in the same sentence)!!! It lists acute hepatic failure first, and cc second. From what I can see online acute hepatic failure is when your liver shuts down, is that right? Is that common with cc? Here I go asking questions again, and I know that cc is so unpredictable.I am so thankful to have this group. So many people in our lives have gone back to their everdays, and I sure haven’t. It is so nice to have you guys to talk to.
Love, Amy
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