My mom is not doing well

Well, it’s that day. That day when your face-to-face with it. This morning, I spoke with mom’s doctor and she asked me if mom wanted to be at home, in hospital or at a hospice.

Mom went into the hospital on November 24th for a stent replacement. It was just past the three month mark and we didn’t think much of it. Her jaudice returned but we were on top of it this time. She went to the radiology clinic where it took all of 10 minutes to replace. Then she had a clear lunch due to the meds and home we went. She was tired but that seemed normal. Over the next few days she seemed to get more tired but we put it down to the hospital meds wearing off. She still had an appetite and was functioning reasonably well. However, slowly but surely we realized she wasn’t bouncing back the way we all expected.

The thing is, she was doing so well these past few months – much better than I thought she would when she as first diagnosed. She had moved into a new apartment in a Retirement Lodge and was really liking it. She made new friends and was really having a ball. We’d arrive and find her down with everyone enjoying entertainment, getting a manicure or just having tea with her friends.

She was so much stronger than she had been this past summer. And she was enjoying life so much.

Over the past few days, her bilirubin count has jumped to 189 – that is compared to the 118 count last week when she went to her stent replacement appointment. She’s fairly glowing and incandescent now.

She also has pretty severe acities (fluid build up) in her abdomen which is causing her to be short of breath. And her appetite has virtually disappear although she is loving green grapes. Finally her heart – her incredibly strong and beautiful heart – is now beating irregularly.

We’re going to see her tomorrow (I am bringing my two girls as well). Blake will take the girls to their cousins after they visit Oma and then one of my sisters and I will sit down with mom to make sure we are doing what she wants – home, hospital, hospice. I am grateful that the lactulose helped her memory and confusion so that we can still have this discussion before we can’t (something we never would have discovered if it hadn’t been for this site).

I am so grateful for my sisters and brothers. And I’m also grateful that today the pain is not bad. And so far, she’s not vomiting although she is taking very little in. I’m trying to hang on to these goods things so I stay grounded and don’t get carried away by the incredible sadness I feel.