My Mother in Law
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Dear Theresa welcome to the site where you will find the most caring and loving and “smartest” people in the world! I agree with all above posts in that your M.I.L. is probably in a sate of shock and also does not want to burden anyone. My husband, Teddy, is going to be 77 this month and as a 4 year survivor we have already decided long ago no more surgery. We will fight in other ways as both ways have been successful. Its just such a personal decision and there is no right or wrong. As for talking about it we talk, talk, talk as it seems to make us feel better, the more we talk the more we understand. I also believe that when something is talked about there is no other “gossip” as its out in the open so no reason for people to speculate on what is happening all the time. Your M.I.L. sounds a like a pretty strong lady and I have a feeling she will not jsut sit idly by….but if she does that’s her call. Please keep us posted.
Hi Theresa,
I just wanted to join the others in welcoming you to the site although I am sorry that you have to be here. This is indeed a great site where you will get a lot of help, support and advice so I hope you stick around and ask a load of questions.
My dad was 64 when diagnosed last year and his CC was also deemed to be inoperative due to the location of the tumour, it was too close to a major artery so the surgery would be too risky in his case. My dad did not display any symptoms at all until his juandice appeared and he was admitted to hospital then diagnosed 3 weeks later, and by then it was too late for surgery.
I agree with everything that others have said in being there for your MIL and supporting her as best you can. I know it’s not easy and everything probably still seems like a bit of a blur right now and hard to take everything in. Hopefully soon your MIL will talk to you some more about the decisions she has made and what she is thinking.
My best wishes to you and your family.
Gavin
Theresa,
Welcome to the board. As Julia said you are still shocked and in disbelief that your Mum in law could be suffering from CC after displaying no symptoms and appearing well.
CC as we have seen very often displays no or very few symptoms until it has taken hold. It creeps up insidiously and silently…..
At the moment I would say for you to support your M-i-L and respect her decisions and thoughts, she may well be as bewildered and scared as you are.
Very often patients go into ‘protective mode’ of the care-givers, when in fact the family and loved ones want to do everything and anything to help. Marion put it well when she said your M-i-L may well not want to burden you with her illness.
Just to say that I am thinking of you all as you make this journey alongside your precious mother in law.
Katie
I’m so sorry to hear of your mother-in-law’s diagnosis, Theresa. If she was only diagnosed on Monday, you must all still be in SHOCK &, having heard the diagnosis of my sister’s cc a few short weeks ago, I know how massive that shock is.
My sister’s initial reaction was “tell no one unless you absolutely have to!!” whereas I was incapable of seeing anyone without feeling a desperate need to blurt it out; her reaction has since come round to “any one who asks what’s wrong, has the right to know” whereas mine has shifted to “why should anyone need to know except your close loved ones?”
I know our views & attitudes towards her cc will continue to shift (I feel I’m on shifting sand all the time with this disease) but we’ve got to a stage where we talk it through so she can get what she basically wants & I can find a way of being comfortable with it.
. Hopefully, in time, your mother-in-law will be able to explain her wishes (or even shift towards your way of thinking) & you will all feel able to deal with this together.I send my very, very best wishes to you & your whole family.
Julia x
Hello Theresa….and welcome to the site not one wants to belong yet everyone is happy to have found. Tumors over 50% of her liver may prevent any type of surgery or radiation due to size of tumors and/or location of tumors, and multitude of tumors. I think that your Mother in law is fighting this cancer – and she is doing it – her way. Possibly, within the next few weeks you might have an opportunity to speak with her on a more personal level. She just might reveal a bit more as to why she is not choosing to have another qualified physician look at her medical records for a second opinion. And, why it is so very important not to have anyone know that she is sick. She might be overwhelmed with the information (that is understandable) or she may have set opinions based on experiences in her life. She may also not want to burden others with her illness thereby, causing be hurt and fear. I am hoping and wishing for you to get to the bottom of this. In the mean time remember to reach out to this board. Everyone will try to help you work through this.
Best wishes,
MarionTheresa..
Welcome to our familiy of friends, each of whom shares a common and strong bond. Rest assured this is a close familiy and you will receive support, answers learned from experience, hugs, if you need them and some realism if you may need that!
You are facing one of the hardest question that carers or family have to face, especially where it concerns older parents. Of course you do not want them to go and there are very succesful examples if you care to spend time lookink at our families stories. It is natural that you wish your MIL to live as long and as well as possible. It is one of our mantras to ensure that we receive as many opinions as possible. Think less about the doctor and more about the patient. Why did the surgeon not advocate surgery? Lack of experience or better knowledge?
Anyway, the one thing to be careful of is “what do you want?” It is too easy to assume that you will know best. Everyone must listen to the advice and ONLY THEN can the patient make the final choice.
Good luck to you all and try to keep in touch with us.
Ron
The doctor just confirmed that my mother in law has CC on Monday. He said that it had not metasticized and was not in her lymph nodes but that it was stage 4 since it was in 50% of her liver. She refuses to get a second opinon. She began chemo on Thursday. I am at a loss for what to do. I would like to make sure that we pursue every avenue of getting her better. She doesn’t want anyone to know that she is sick. She is not displaying any symptoms except for a bit of weight loss. The doctor said surgery was not an option but I am not really sure why. She is 80 years old but to look at her you would probably guess her at 60. She is very active and until the last couple of weeks had not been in the hospital in 40 years. She goes with her friends, picks my kids up from school and just goes and goes. I always thought that she would be around for a very long time. It breaks my heart to think that she is not going to fight this. Any suggestions????
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