My mums journey
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Dearest Jan, I am so very sorry and please accept my sincere condolences on the Passing of your dear Mum. To die is to take the last step in the road to Eternal Life.
I’M STILL HERE
I’m at your side each night and day,
In your heart is where I’ll stay.
You can feel, see or hear, I am not gone, I’m always near.
I’m the colorful leaves when fall comes round,
The pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I’m the first bright blossom you’ll see in Spring.
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I’m the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
And you’ll see that the face in the moon is mine.
I’ll whisper your name through the leaves on the trees,
And you’ll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.
I’m the salty tears that flow when you weep,
And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I’m the smile you see on a baby’s face.
Just look for me, I’m every place!J an….. I’m so sorry to hear of your mom’s passing and hope that as she has found peace, you and your family can begin to heal. It won’t be overnight….not next week ….or next month, but little by little, the saddness will be overshadowed by good memories. Her illness was a very short part of her life compared to the years before and the memories of those years are what will help you get through this time. Prayers for you and your family.
Julie T.
Dear Jan,
My condolences on your loss. It is a blessing that the end was peaceful and pain free. You have that to be grateful for at the end, but so much to be grateful for – the memories of all the good times with your mum.
Take care
RanganiDear Jan,
I too am sorry to hear of the passing of your dear mum. Please accept my sincere condolences. I too am glad to hear that your mums passing was peaceful and pain free so please take some comfort from that. Please know that we are all here for you and my thoughts are with you and your family right now.
Hugs,
Gavin
Dear Janet,
I am so sorry for your loss. You have my deepest sympathy. You can take some comfort in knowing that she was not in pain in the end. Keep her with you forever in your heart and memories. Take care.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDear Jan,
I am very sorry to hear of your Mom’s passing, but I hope in the future it may give you a small bit of comfort that although much too soon, she did not suffer at the end.
My heartfelt condolences are with you and your family,
CatherineJan…..please accept my most sincere condolences. Your Mom did it her way and it allowed her to pass on in the most gentle and kind way.
My heart goes out to you and your loving family….may you begin to heal, one day at a time.Hugs and love,
MarionHello All
I knew it was coming but it was not supposed to be now. I needed all your advice for which I am eternally grateful and touched my mum every day. My daughter arrived on Saturday night and as usual we all went to see Mum on Sunday.
I helped brush her teeth and she told us to use aloe Vera for stings.
As always we left saying we would be back after lunch and I spent time with her doctor , we discussed a change to the anti nausea meds and again were told probably long weeks.Thirty minutes later Mum had asked for a bed pan and as it arrived Mum took her last breath.
No warning signs, not even for the professionals. Her heart stopped.
I miss my mum more than words will ever express .
I can say no more now but thank you to all you brave wise people. The gifts of your advice mean Dad was more able to cope and I had quality time with my mum. But I do feel she left before her time .
I am grateful she had no pain and still looked like Mum but I truly thought I would know when the end was near.
I love and miss my mum.
Thank you all.Jan, I echo what Joe has said about not pushing Mom too much. Her energy is being used up by fighting the “monster” and there is no energy left for good things. And the meds she is on are pretty sapping. The most important thing at this point is her comfort. I just had idea about your Dad. Perhaps a clergy could help you in talking to your Dad. Acceptance in what is to be sure makes a difference when and if that time comes. Honestly I believe your Mum is trying to show you that she would just like some peace. No one can blame her. Sending you and yours all my best.
Jan,
Going home will be good, but it won’t be a huge celebration either. The absence of having nurse/doctor come by every 2 hours to check vitals will be nice. At times I sat guard outside to say “Papers, please. You’re here for something completely unnecessary? Come back later.” Not having that stress is good, but its replaced with sitting around.
I’ve come to believe that the stent in the duodenum prevented by mother from having this very violent vomiting end, which I’m thankful for. It wasn’t like she had this peaceful, beautiful passing but it wasn’t panicky or super intense.
Becareful on the pushing your mother to do things. I don’t think we understand how they feel or how weak they are. She’s probably not eating much and she’s on medication, so where does the energy come from to do anything?
Good luck,
Joe
Hi Jan,
My mum is 86. Its almost 3 months since first visit to doc, her stent was put in to relieve jaundice a week after that. She too has momentary episodes of deep sleep/unconsciousness. It sometimes lasts just a minute. This started recently and happens almost as soon as she sits up from a sleeping position. It could be drop of pressure, recovery is so soon, it is difficult to figure out.
She had bad ascites in the first two months and though the parasentisis taps were done, they did tire her. She started using wheelchair to get around about 6-8 weeks ago as she was exhausted after taking a few steps. We decided not to push her to do more, but do what kept her most comfortable. Now she does not take any steps. We can see the exhaustion when move her from bed to chair.
It is hard to see, someone who was in control of her life and attending to all her needs, become so dependent now. My thoughts are with you. TC and be strong
RanganiJan….a gentle probing and verbal nudge may work out well. You know your Mom best and instinctively will recognize her limitations. Perhaps it works, perhaps it won’t entice her to sit on the bed, but in any case, you know you have tried.
Similar to your Dad, some people can’t fathom loosing their spouse. His denial may be the only way to cope with the situation.
I admire you for handling everything so well.
Hugs,
MarionHi Gavin
Thank you for that. Still working with Dad and will make that contact.
Most appreciated and appreciate your posts.Hello All
Well the roller coaster continues. Mum had the two stents in the duodenum and definitely that has stopped the continual vomiting of awful brown liquid. I think my mum expected to leap out of bed and life would be normal for a while but instead Mum has been bedridden ever since and has lost all confidence in her ability to move , mainly due to the fainting spells.
I really do not know where we are going and keep trying to find out from the doctors as this just feels like no mans land. They believe blood pressure and postural hypotension are the main factors, we can’not risk tablets to increase standing bp due to a fibrillation.
Yesterday I think my mum had a mini breakthrough as the doctor did tell her they will send her home even if it is in a hospital bed!
When I got there for the afternoon the physio had taped a list to mums bed of times for her to be sat up in the bed. May seem like a little but compared to the last three weeks sitting upright with the assistance of the bed, is an improvement.
I do hope that these changes in position will get the blood moving around again and maybe we will be able to get Mum to sit on the edge of the bed next week.
Has anyone got any advice? I do not want to be the evil daughter pushing my mum but if she can do more I want her to want to do it. It is so unlike my mum to just want to lie there when she does not have to. I know she is scared of vomiting and passing out but I am scared if she does not try she will never get out of this bed again.
Love and prayers and a big hug to all the people on this forum because I am learning we have to take each day as it comes and you are not alone.
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