Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 19 total)
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  • #57230
    marions
    Moderator

    Terry….sounds as if things are looking up a bit and I am wishing for it to continue. Know that we always are here for you and that we will support and love. But make sure to reach out to the professionals, as they are trained to help with the bigger stuff.
    Hugs and love,
    Marion

    #57229
    missingwayne
    Member

    Thanks all, I live in Denham Springs, right outside of Baton Rouge, LA. Today is Thursday, I cried last night it wasn’t as bad as Saturday. My daughter was going to take off tomorrow to be with me, but last night she told me she couldn’t, so I’ll have to do this all alone. Her and I both will be off Monday and Tuesday for Mardi Gras. I know Tuesday she is going to parades. Been to one local parade Saturday, it was a home town family parade, there is no way I would go to the other kind. I’m planning on going to get my medicine in the morning, stop by her work at LSU, I guess I’ll go out to eat with me, might take it to the cemetary and have a picnic, that is if it’s not rainning. I will be there at his grave at 4:27 pm. My group is having a Valentine group thing tonight, I had decided not to go, but after I spoke to my therapist I decided to go. I try to think about all the good things, but right now all these pictures keep poping in my head of those last few days. Today was the day they told me we needed to go to hospice, OK I was in such denial. I don’t want to forget those pictures in my mind, but I would like to have the good one’s to take over.

    Thanks,

    #57228
    marions
    Moderator

    Terry…..The people on the hotlines are there to listen to us. Stories never are too long. Please, reach out – they are there to help.
    Hugs and love,
    Marion

    #57227
    lainy
    Member

    Hi Terry. I forgot to ask you what City you live in.

    #57226
    missingwayne
    Member

    I have a hot line, but it would take so long to tell the story. I do go to my regular therapist today after work. My most severe depression, anxiety, and grief comes in the late afternoons. Usually while at work I don’t have time to think. I do have his picture beside my computer.

    #57225
    lainy
    Member

    Hi Terry, I understand and I am so very sorry that you are still in so much pain. I am wondering if you have a help line you can call when you cannot reach anyone else?

    #57224
    darla
    Participant

    Dear Terry,

    I too understand and so do many others here. Know that I am thinking of you and share your feelings of loss and loneliness. Hang in there. We are all here for you.

    Love & Hugs,
    Darla

    #57223
    pamela
    Member

    I’m sorry you are still in so much pain. I will pray that you will get through this week. Wayne would not want you to be so sad. My thoughts are with you.

    Love, -Pam

    #57222
    missingwayne
    Member

    I miss my Wayne so bad, this week I know is going to be the worse in the year. Valentine’s Day, then Friday 2 years. Saturday was a really hard night I was by myself like always. The crying started, the screaming started, and then I found one of his toys, in the top computer drawer. I’ve looked in that drawer a million times, never paid attention, to these small knives looking things, in a little thing that goes around your wrist. I felt them they really feel sharp, so I went down my arm then the other, I felt better soon I stopped crying. I tried to call my chaplain from my hospice group before I started no answer. No one but her and my therapist would understand, the hurt I’ve been going through.

    #57221
    darla
    Participant

    Oh Terry, embrace those moments. I truely believe and have had some similar experiences. All those others have not been through what we have and have no idea of what we are going through and experiencing. When I read your post it made me smile.

    Don’t block out everyone, just stay clear of that awful neighbor. When you want to talk or share your experiences just come here. We all get it. :)

    Take care Terry.

    Love & Hugs,
    Darla

    #57220
    lainy
    Member

    You got that right, Terry, no one, nothing can take away our memories. I also have a suggestion for you that has helped me. Since I have had so many “visits” from Teddy I started a log in my computer and dated what all has happened from the day he passed. Every song I have heard played that meant something to us, every light that has blinked and etc. When I feel really lonely I just open up the log and read about how he is all around me and I feel so much better. Here’s to Memories.

    #57219
    missingwayne
    Member

    Lainy, my Wayne had those beautiful also, my daughter has those same blue eyes. I sitting at work with a picture of my Wayne, on my desk from my daughters wedding. He missed high school graduation, due to heart surgery, he was in her wedding, and we attended her college graduation together. Memories, they are ours forever.

    #57218
    lainy
    Member

    Terry, do not stop believing! That WAS Wayne calling your name. I don’t feel anything was connected to it except that he wanted you to know he is around you. I have awakened twice this past year to Teddy calling my name. Everyone calls me Lainy but he called me Elaine. It was oh, just a whisper, but I know it was his voice! I believe. You have been doing so well, please don’t throw your wall back up. Just steer clear of the wierdo. Sounds more like it was a religious thing and for some reason he wanted to touch someone who had been visited by a deceased loved one. You know you can always call the cops if he bothers you more but you have come too far to let him wall you up! Actually perhaps that was Wayne that night letting you know how proud he is of you!

    #57217
    missingwayne
    Member

    You would not believe, or I think y’all maybe the only ones that would believe. Thursday night I went to bed as usual, medication for sleep and all. Well at 3:00 I woke up suddenly to Wayne’s voice, he only said one word “Terry”, it was so real, and I am positive it was his voice. So I go to work later that morning, I am so excited that I heard his voice. I met up with all the unbelievers, of course like I said most of them have not had a major loss. One told me I hope you didn’t answer because gives you bad luck, I lost my husband, and bestfriend, and you go home to yours, and I’ll have bad luck.
    When I got home next door neighbor, I don’t know that well, asked how my day was, I said OK. He has been going to Bible study, so I told him of my exciting news, this man started to get into my space, I backed up, he came forward, I had my arms crossed, I backed up again, he said he wanted to touch, then he wanted me to look in his eyes, I told him that I was uncomfortable with this I left. I wondering if Wayne had come to warn me against this pervert. I haven’t had this problem since I was in high school. The next day I was going to go to my car, I saw him outside in the front yard, I shut and locked the door. I’ve had a wall up around me for a long time, the first time I talked to a person I don’t really know this happens. Well I have my wall up, tightened, and nailed shut. He gave me the creeps.

    #57216
    darla
    Participant

    Hi Terry, I am so glad you posted this. I think of you often hoping you are doing OK. I totally understand and agree with everything you are saying and feeling. Only those of us who have been through what we have can really know and understand what it is like. Just keep on doing what gives you comfort, that’s what I am doing. I still have my tree in the living room too. It is just a small artificial bubble light tree, but Jim loved vintage bubble lights and so do I. I enjoy sitting her at night watching the lights bubble. It is so relaxing.

    My Jim had brown eyes and I would give anything to be able to look into them one more time and give him a big hug. You’re advice to every to love & hug their loved ones daily is so important. I hope everyone takes it to heart and does just that.

    Take care Terry.

    Love & Hugs,
    Darla

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