My Wayne
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Terry, Teddy’s eyes were blue also. I still find it very hard to talk to him. As strong as I have been about everything else I simply break down when I try to talk to him so I just put the words in my mind but don’t vocalize them. Went to my new ONC today and man, the minute I walked in (big office 8 ONCS) all the girls were going, “Oh I remember Salvatore, he was so cute and so sweet”. That did it. I couldn’t stop the tears. I also told the new ONC I am here if he should get anyone with CC and they would like to talk. He said that as a matter of fact he had a couple of people. What I am trying to say is that I may be strong most of the time but I do understand what you are feeling. On the Grandchild thing, it will happen when the time is right. Here’s to our ‘ol blue eyes!
That’s terrific, my daughter wants one so bad, she has gone to a few doctors. No baby yet. I journal everyday, yesterday I wrote that everyone needs to tell their family I love you, at least everyday. I can tell Wayne I love you but it’s not the same, as being able to look into his blue eyes, and give a hug and a kiss with it.
Dearest Terry, I am so glad you posted as about 2 days ago you crossed my mind and I had every intention of putting a shout out to you!
You don’t need to make any apologies as to how you remember Wayne! My gosh, I am sure some people think I am totally off the wall with how often I feel I hear from Teddy. I think the tree is a lovely idea and when you are ready you do what you feel. On my dining room mantle I have Teddy’s Urn, our song, “When I Fall In Love” framed, our wedding picture and a huge picture of him watching over the house. Why? Because it makes me feel good! Two years is not that long and I think you do sound much better than before and that is good. I too am meeting my new ONC today and it is also where Teddy was being treated but that doesn’t seem to bother me. Keep doing what you are doing and if you want to take off on the 17th do it! Stay well.
By the way folks, we have a brand new Great Grandson (Teddy’s Granddaughter gave birth 12 days ago) and no joke, he is the picture of Teddy and that is not just me thinking that, his kids said it too!!!I haven’t been here in a while. I’m still on my med.’s, as long as I am I feel ok. Christmas was hard, and the New Years wasn’t as bad. I was with my daughter for Christmas. When I went to my therapist yesterday, I told her that I’ve still have my tree up. She asked why? I said I guess it’s like a semi memorial for Wayne. I have a lot of ornaments of him on the tree. Around it I have pictures of us, pictures of him, and a picture of us and my daughter at her college graduation. There’s also flowers, poems in frames, and candles.
I guess it makes me feel close to him, is the reason. In 2 weeks it will be 2 years, the longest two years of my life. I wish it had been me instead of him, then he would have to pick up the millions of pieces, called a life. I’m not happy I don’t know if I will ever be. I went to the oncologist Friday to have blood work, a friend of mine was on the other side of the hospital on the in patient oncology unit, I could not go see her. It is hard enough to go into the oncology doctor’s office, different doctor, but to go on that floor where we spent four weeks, is impossible for me. She also has the same doctor that Wayne had. I already told my boss that I am taking off on the 17th, she said maybe I need to come to work to get my mind off of what day it is. Of course, this is a person that has both parents, husband, and children. I wish to be so lucky. My last thing hug your love one’s, and tell them you love them daily, we know what it’s like to go through God to be able to do so.Love,
Terry
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