need help –advice please!!!

Discussion Board Forums General Discussion need help –advice please!!!

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  • #71439
    pattimelt
    Participant

    My heart goes out to you. I have been going to a cancer support group & the pastor who leads it always says, “We are all terminal”. Only God knows the number of our days. The only way I am getting through my CC is by the peace God gives & all the prayers of friends & family. God walks with us through all our trials & tribulations. The joy of the Lord is my strength! God bless you !

    #71438
    thebompie4
    Member

    oh darla
    that makes my heart so sad.

    my husband keeps telling me i will be strong enough….sometimes i just
    wonder. he has always been the strong one.

    i’m so sorry for your loss. it makes me cry real tears (everything
    makes me cry real tears lately!) :(

    Thank you SusanLane…my husband has said those exact words to me
    as well. I tell him we all love him, and that’s why we’re so sad.

    I was reading the Last Lecture yesterday by Randy Pausch (sp?) and he says in the book version how after he gave this lecture, he invited his wife onto the stage and told everyone it was her bday and they all sang to
    her and he hugged her tight and she whispered the words in his ear, “please don’t die…”

    it just about killed me…i can’t tell you how many times i’ve said that to my husband.

    it’s nice to know i’m not alone.

    i will keep working on trying to enjoy NOW.

    one day at a time.

    #71437
    susanlane
    Member

    I ask myself the same questions everyday. My husband told me how it makes him so sad to see me so sad. So I am trying to enjoy our time together and make each day a gift. I hope that is helpful. You are not alone.

    #71436
    darla
    Participant

    Dorien,

    In my case things went so quickly with my husband I didn’t even have time to think about anything. I kept thinking we would find out what is wrong, fix it and go on. Less than 2 months later he was gone. All I can tell you is that things do have a way of working themselves out one way or another, as I found out. The future will take care of itself and life will go on as it is meant to. We have no control over any of it, so if you can, please try to focus on the here and now and enjoy whatever time you have together as a family. I know that’s not easy, but if you can live for now and not worry about the rest, you will have no regrets. My heart goes out to you and your family. Nothing about dealing with this disease is easy, but I truely believe we learn that we are stronger than we ever thought we could be. Just take it all as it comes. One day at a time.

    Love & Hugs,
    Darla

    #71435
    thebompie4
    Member

    Thanks Lainy for your kind words and advice.

    My husband is CONVINCED that everything will work out–he just feels like
    it always does!!!

    (he’s usually right)….
    this whole thing just makes me so mad (and sad and mad and sad).

    at no one in particular…just that it “happened.”

    i (in particular) like to be “in control”…so this is especially hard for me.

    (since there is no way at all to be in control)

    #71434
    lainy
    Participant

    Dear Dorien, of course you made sense. How Teddy and I got through was by talking, talking about everything and being very open, and then believe it or not we laced it with humor. You don’t want to ever look back and feel you did not spend enough time making memories for you and the kids. As for finances I recall that others filed for disability when they could no longer work. I know this sounds weird but I always say when things look like they can’t get any worse something always turns everything around and my kids (now in their 50’s) said it was true. Not very scientific but somehow it always happened that way. When my daughter got divorced the oldest was 10 and the other 3 were 7, 5, 3. She never wanted to leave home to work until they were much older so she did Day Care at home and she made some decent money. I think she took in 500.00 a week and I am going back 15 years ago. Just remember where there is a will there is a way. So, my bottom line is, things will take care of themselves as you go along and try to just enjoy your husband and family and take it day by day, You will never be sorry for the attention and love you bring your family.

    #8305
    thebompie4
    Member

    I am reaching out for advice to those of you who have done this before.

    My husband has stage 4 CC….in liver and lungs.

    He is considered terminal. No one can predict WHEN he will “terminate”
    and we are proceeding w/chemo and hoping for the BEST amount and MOST
    amount of time possible.

    At the moment, he is doing great. We have heard/read/seen stories where
    people with his diagnosis have gone anywhere from 8 weeks (which we’ve now passed) to 3-4 yrs. He is young and otherwise healthy.

    Unfort. with this *#(&$# cancer, there is no predicting …well, ANYTHING, it
    would seem.

    There are some VERY real and very hard realities that we will have to
    face upon his death (well I will be the one facing them).

    Finances, and raising 4 kids alone, seem to weigh the most heavily on my mind.

    These are very real, and very serious issues, that are understandably hard.

    I am TRYING to find a way to have “joy in each day” WITHOUT
    CONSTANTLY worrying about the future…but I am finding it very hard.

    We’ve talked a lot, put all things in order that we can–but there are some
    things that will just plain be hard no matter WHAT we do now.

    So my (long winded) question for those who have walked this path is this:

    HOW do we put aside all the very real, very hard “fears and worries”
    about what is coming and be joyful NOW? today? tomorrow?

    How do *I* learn how to not worry every second of the day?

    We haven’t even hit the “bad stuff” yet (when he’s REALLY sick and
    not working and all that jazz…) Those things give us BOTH anxiety too.

    Terminal illness is really hard.

    The fact of NOT knowing when/or how long/ also makes it hard to make
    any plans past next week ….

    I would love some real life advice on what has worked for people …

    Thank you!

    Dorien

    (I hope I made sense)…

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