New here -how to deal with the emotional part
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You are right that we need to take care of ourselves. I have already been to the doctor as well for my migraines & then throwing up with acid reflux all due to the stress. I got the talk from my doctor that if I don’t take care of myself I won’t be able to help my mother. Way easier said then done. I do take melotonin at night to help sleep, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. My doctor suggested an anti-depressant as well.
I am having a very hard time with all this. My mom is 5 weeks post whipple surgery & still struggling. She still has the IV tube & stomach tube & can’t tolerate the stomach tube yet although they just tried to use it last night. She ended up with diarrhea & throwing up
She also starts chemo on Monday which scares me because she hasn’t fully recovered from the surgery but that is what they want to do.I wish this wasn’t happening. I hate seeing my mom go through this.
I am positive when I see her though but when I am not with her, it is hard to even get simple things done. I need to be able to cope because this is my life now.
Now I feel guilty for feeling so down & writing it on here. Just a bad day I guess.
Thanks for understanding.
BeckiBecki, thank you for your post. It is helpful for us who do feel lost in how to help our family members who have this. I can’t get the energy to do anything more than flip the channels on the t.v. However, when I am with my mom I am very upbeat and positive. It is only natural to have these feelings. So thank you for posting…I don’t feel so alone. I have been fortunate to have the summer off of work so that I could be there for my mom and pretty much just get charged up for another year of work. Like I said all I want to do is either take care of my mom, watch tv or sleep. After several visits to the doctors I did find out that my iron level was extremely low as well as my thyroid was completely out of whack. I do get tested regularly for a basic thyroid test, but they did more detailed test. This type of stress can take a toll on your body, so please don’t forget to take care of yourself.
I also have a lot of trouble sleeping. When I am working I usually have to take a melatonin to help get to sleep. I have been okay the last couple of months being off of work, but have resorted back to the pills the last couple of night. Be careful if you take something for sleeping. I did have a doctor give me ambien and it made my depression so much worse. I wanted to drive my car into a wall…not because I wanted to kill myself, more because I just needed a break from thinking about my mom and this disease, my teenage daughter was having problems, and of course, none of this helped the relationship with my husband.
I just wanted to share all this with you because I want you to take care of yourself just as much as you would take care of your mom right now. I know, easier to say than do. I had someone tell me to try HTP (I think that is the name of them). It is a pill that you can find at whole food. I call it my happy pill. It releases seratonin in your body to boost your mood. It helps…I’ve been turning my house upside down to find the pills again.Good luck to you and your family. And if you have any tips on how you have helped yourself, please share…for the rest of us.
Dear Becki,
I can totally relate to your emotional pain.My mother was diagnosed 1 year ago. She just turned a young 66, this may.
I honestly can say the last year has been a blur, I have cried SOOOO much, I never knew one could cry so much.
I have physically been present for my family, but emotionally not there for my husband or children, because I feel my mind is in the clouds or researching, or trying to figure or fix this for my mother.
My mother also did the surgery and lived with me for 5 weeks status post. I took the time off of work to help take care of her, I also hired someone to help me.
Please feel free to call me @ 410-394-6163, facebook me (roni dinkes) or even email me at ronidinkes@yahoo.com.
I am here, and am going through the same thing, thank g-d there is this website so people can connect and go through this journey together.
Please stay in touch. Sending many hugs your way.
Regards,
RoniThank you Sissy! I have not shared my emotions with my mom yet. She had the whipple surgery 4 weeks ago & is still recovering from this. We haven’t even spoke with an oncologist yet but I guess that is the next step. It is nice to hear from someone also who is going through this, even though I am sorry to hear that you are. I’m sure there will be lots of praying & crying with eachother in the near future. Right now I feel like we are all taking a step back & breathing deeply. Kind of like a mini break before the next step in this process.
I never thought of it as in my mom would be worried about leaving us. Thank you for sharing that. You are so right though, only God can get us through this.I’m sorry you are having to go through this too. You are so young. I know no one wants to deal with it. I will pray for your healing as well. I do hope you keep me updated.
Becki
Becky, It is completely normal. It is apparent how much you love your Mom. I understand because I love my Mom the same and it would be devasting to me as well. Let me try to explain how your Mom is feeling. I too was recently diagnoised with the same cancer. I am 46 with two adult children but the fear of leaving them is just as great as if they were small children. Your Mother is feeling the same way. Share your emotions with her. That will give her the freedom to do the same with you. The two of you can lean on each other during this time and PRAY, PRAY and PRAY. Christ is the only person that can really get you through this. Pray with your Mother and ask God for healing. If you pray giving thanks of all that God has already provided you with, he will deliver healing and peace. Read James 5: 13-18. There is power and peace in prayer. Love in Christ, Sissy
Thanks for the warm welcome. I really did not know where to turn. My mind just started reeling from this & I did not know what is normal or not. I did read the link provided, thank-you, about depression. I saved it so I could read it again if needed. I do feel depressed but it sounds like that is normal for what I am going through with mom. My goal today is to walk. I have kind of shut down. Just having somewhere to write & have others understand helps alot.
I do need to stop looking at the statistics. I know this cancer is bad but you are so right that everyone is different. Only God knows when my mom will die & right now she is very much alive. I am going to focus on that & getting her well again.
I think the hard part too is we don’t have a plan of action after she recovers from the surgery. The surgeon states his job is to get her better after the Whipple first. He did notifiy an oncologist who stopped in to see mom but we were not there. I guess this will be the next step.
But after reading Gerry’s comment about taking one step at a time, that gives me a start. Something to focus on.
I hesitated to write for a few weeks on here. Just the fear, I don’t know but I am so glad I did. Everyone of your comments helps in some way.
Thank you so much,
Off to the hosptial again,
BeckiBecki
Welcome to this site, where you will find lots of support as you act as care-giver to you Mom. When we first hear that a loved one has got cancer, it’s very scary and your emotional reaction is perfectly normal. I had a whipples in May 2010 and I found having short term goals helped, like firstly recovering in hospital after the operation (3 weeks), recovering at home before returning to work (2 months), getting throughout the blood tests/scans etc. As regards statistics, I would echo Marion’s view – ignore them and focus on your Mom’s recovery.Take care and come back often.
Gerry
Dear Becki, welcome to our family but so sorry you had to join us. My husband had a Whipple and watching a loved one go through that surgery is enough let alone the prognosis after. Has the doctor mentioned how he wants to proceed? Honestly once a treatment is set in place the fright turns to fight and you will be at the forefront. You sound like a wonderful daughter and like the others said we don’t listen to statistics as everyone is so different. Where is your Mom being treated? Eight days is not very long after a Whipple and once Mom is home and feeling better you will feel better as well. I know some more members will be checking in here today and perhaps you can get the names of some good books but in the meantime try to take care of yourself and accept help from those wanting to give it as family and friends do want to help. Please keep us updated on your Mom and we are wishing for the best.
Hello Becki and welcome to our site. I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s illness. It is shocking and scary when a loved one is diagnosed with a serious disease. Life is out of control and we desperately try to regain that control. Be assured that the feeling of the sadness you are dealing with is a normal reaction to what is happening in your life. On the other hand though, it amazing the strength we gain when confronted with a difficult situation. You already have demonstrated much strength by tending to and supporting both, you
hi becki,
welcome, i wish i didnt have to welcome you but you are in the right place for many of the answers you have questions to…you will find out that the people on this web site are not only careing but also very, very knowledgeable….all that you are feeling and going thru is all very normal…all of us here have gone thru what you are feeling, believe me we feel your pain…. i dont know if your emotional pain will get any better, mine didnt but we are all different…..but you will be able to handle it better in time…..the care of your mom will be in the fore front….your dad is going to need you to help him and believe me that is going to keep you both busy….arm yourself with knowledge, knowledge is a very powerful tool when fighting this monster…..tell the doctors that you want copies of any tests your mom has had…find out what is the next step the doctors have in mind, be sure the doctors are knowledgeable about treating bile duct cancer… forget what you have read about statisics none of us come with a expiration stamp only god knows….i hope mom is feeling better and i will pray for her……i know others will chime in hoping the same…….ron and lucilleMy mom was diagnosed about 6 weeks ago with the bile duct cancer. She has now had the whipple surgery 8 days ago, still in the hospital. I have so many questions & not enough answers. They did test 9 lymph nodes & 5 of them have cancer. Not good news. I love my my mom more then anything, as I know everyone knows what I am talking about. I hate the hosptial, not because they are bad or anything, I just want her home. She lives with my dad & between the two of us we having been taking shifts up at the hospital. Mom is 75 years old but to me that is just too young.
The hardest part I am dealing with is the emotional pain I feel. I sometimes can barely function. Is this normal? Will I accept it & move on? I have read the statistics & know they are not good. I just feel like I am in a hole sometimes. When I am not at the hospital & am wanting to be there but then feel guilty I am not home taking care of my family.
Does anyone have any good books to read that can boost my hope? I don’t want to be so down all the time. I am positive when I see my mom but when I am by myself I cry all the time. Sometimes I am up all night, can’t sleep & can’t stop crying. I just need to know that this is normal & something I have to work through?
Becki
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