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Dear Wilma,
My 72 year old mom was diagnosed last year and she will complete 6 months of chemo in the next 2 weeks. I understand what you’re going through as do all of the wonderful men and women on this site. No one else knows more than these great people here.
Realistically, it is not going to be easy. My mom has been admitted to the hospital four times in the last 4 months for issues related to CC. She now has a blood clot in the portal vein, currently on coumadin. She also has GI bleeds due to the pressure caused by the clot. It seems one thing causes another problem… There are days that I want to just want to scream…
I can’t imagine what my mom is going through. The best that I can do is to love her, be there for her, spend time with her. I really am trying to stay strong for her. Sometimes it’s hard, but you have to.
I am a nurse too and this gives you a different perspective on what our patients and the family members go through and I do believe I am a better nurse because of it.
I know you hear it all of the time… ‘stay strong’, we’re praying for you, etc…’
I have learned that prayer is something powerful and staying strong will get you through tough times like this. I think it’s hard for our loved ones to see us crying and falling apart. When my mom sees me crying, she loses hope. And hope and faith is soooo important to battle thru the treatments for this damn cancer.Hi Wilma, how is your husband doing? What are they doing for him now? Good to see you again, and I think you are much stronger than you gave yourself credit for.
I asked for wisdom.
God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity.
God gave me brawn and brain to work.
I asked for courage.
God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for patience.
God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.
I asked for love.
God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favors.
God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted.
I received everything I needed.Just saying hello and I am still here reading all the updates and posts. I am praying for each and everyone of you daily. God bless and keep you in his loving embrace.
Wilma:
We love to hear the good news, as most of us have stated in one form or another. But many of us have vented and asked questions on this site. It is for all emotions and news, along with questions.
I know you are still fact gathering, so I’m directing you to the new developments section. I am really interested in what Gavin posted today about Thomas Jefferson University in Indiana. While they say it is not a cure, it has worked to kill or shrink the cancer cells. I don’t know much about it, but you can be sure I am going to ask my surgeon and my onc about this. My surgeon might know something about it because he’s really into research. He’s one of the best in the country when it comes to dealing with cc.
And just so you know we really DO vent, and we really DO get scared, look in the general discussion(?) area. I’ve posted a few vents. Just recently it was “some people just don’t get it”, all about how people tell me I don’t look sick blah blah blah.
I hope you and your husband can find a place and a treatment so you, too, can publish in the good news section. It really does feel good to share good news, even if it’s just to say blood counts are good on chemo! We love to be cheerleaders for each other. And keeping a positive attitude, although really hard, is one of the most important things to keep.
I don’t know how I would feel as a nurse. You understand much more of what is going on, which is both scary and empowering. At least you don’t have to go home to look up things like “resection”. I had no idea what that was 15 months ago. I didn’t know a lot of things 15 months ago. and I wish I hadn’t had to learn but that’s how it goes…
A big hug and wishes for some good news for you and your husband.
Dear Wilma,
Thank you for reaching out, remain positive, make every moment count. This disease can be a roller coaster, so just strap yourself in for a wild ride and only g-d know the plan. Take good care of you and your family, we are always here. I have met the most wonderful, strong, people on the website and am forever thankful for these friendships!
With love and hugs,
Roni
ronidinkes@yahoo.comDear sweet Pam,
It is all ok. Yes we are here for each other. God has joined our lives for a mutual benefit. We are in this together. To be able to talk about this has and is so helpful and rewarding. I have been praying for your daughter, you, and your family. It seems you have a very special husband! A wise man. I guess we certainly can learn from our male partners especially when our emotions are so fragile and sensitive. God bless you and your family and please let me know how your daughter is doing. I look forward to talking with you more. Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out. I’m here for you.
WilmaDear wzhalb,
I would also like to apologize to you. I was sitting in the waiting room when my daughter was in having her procedure so I was super sensitive when I read your post. I showed my husband your post and he told me I should let you vent because he could see you were scared, angry, panic stricken, etc. I had already written my response and still felt the same when I wrote it. I know now you were scared and just needed to let your frustrations out as we all do. You didn’t want to hear about anybody else’s good fortune when things around you were crumbling. I totally understand that now and hope we can get over this and support one another. I hope you will post what you are feeling no matter what. I have no right to tell you what you can and cannot say. I apologize again for opening my big mouth when I should’ve kept it closed. I wish nothing but the best for you and your husband. I am here for you if you need me.
Love, -Pam
Wilma…don’t set any rules for yourself. We don’t come equipped with special training in facing the possible loss of our loved one. You are traveling a difficult road in unknown territory; the terrain is bumpy, rocky, and frightening. Just lean on us; we are here for each other.
Hugs,
MarionI would like to thank many of you for your words of acceptance and encouragement. To know that my anger and fears are normal and to be able to express them without being reprimanded or judged is so valuable and precious to me at this point and time. Like many of you I am dealing with emotions I can not explain nor do I know what to do with them. To be able to verbalize my feelings and know you love and accept me is so precious to me. I am still in the early fragile stage with many questons and many thoughts. Still in the fact gathering stage. Thank you for hearing me out when maybe my expression of frustration was nothing more than fear. I do have a strong faith system but my husband’s is much stronger. I am praying daily to God for strength, grace, and mercy. To anyone I have offended (Pamela) I apologize. That was never my intent. This is all new to me and being a nurse has not made it easier, actually it is harder. So with that said, I will remain positive and encouraging with any further posts from here on out. Again, thank you to those of you who have been uplifting with your words.
Hi Wilma, This dreaded disease has no rules. Some pass quickly with no response to treatment, some respond to treatment and do well to have it return, some live a number of years, and the few survive. Everyone is working hard to better the prognosis. Getting mad is not a bad thing! Getting mad is better than being in apathy! Many of us here have walked your road and I feel for you. It is not easy. Sending hugs to you and your husband. Nancy
Wilma:
I, too, have times when I’m angry. I come here to vent, as many of the other members here know. I have always been a healthy person. A few years ago I changed my eating habits and started trying to be more healthy. Then March 2011 out of the blue I was diagnosed with cc. No sickness, no warning. Just a gallbladder attack.
I still ask “why me?” And i still get angry. But I love going to the good news section when I’m down and feeling sorry for myself. It gives me hope that i can beat this horrible disease. I don’t know what I would do without this family I have found.
And yes, some of the posts hurt. And some of them I can’t even read because I get so upset. But without the hope that I get from this site I don’t know what I would do.
I don’t have a spouse or children to lean on. I live alone. I would love to have someone here to support me and give me a strong shoulder to cry on. That makes me angry, too, that my ex boyfriend decided he didn’t want to deal with it anymore. But I WILL beat this, and I know that for the rest of my life I have to worry about recurrence. But I will do what I have to do, and I will have a good life, for as long as God will let me stay here on earth.
We post on here to give and get support. I ask questions, and answer people when I have some experience in what they are going thru. Most of us are patients and/or caregivers. Some are actual surgeons or nurses, or others with a good background. We are here to help each other and for a place to go to ask questions and get support.
And I love each and every one of the people on here that try every day to help us thru this rollercoaster ride.Dear Wilma,
When I first read your post, I have to admit I was a bit offended. I don’t feel anyone on this site sending encouragement to other fellow CC members should be considered “crap” as you put it. I, for one, give my heart to everyone on this site and care so much. That really hurts me to hear you feel like that. This is a place to come for encouragement and a sense of comeraderie. I hope you were just feeling bad the day you wrote that and didn’t really mean that. This site is a lifesaver for me. I am sorry your poor husband is suffering and you are scared and worried. I know the feeling. My 26 year old daughter has this terrible disease and hasn’t really begun to live her life yet. I am furious about that. That is not fair. I get mad when others complain about having a bad hair day or a bad day at work. Walk for one minute in her shoes to see what it feels like. I understand your frustrations, but please feel happiness for the CC members that are doing well. They give me and I’m sure a lot of others hope. That is all we have.
-Pam
I am completely relating to you when you describe all your feelings. I have felt them all, and anger is a hard one. I wish you and your entire family lots of strength. I hide a lot of my tears around others, but the minute I get alone, is when I tend to fall apart. Stay strong, I know, easier said than done.
Hi,
From your message,you wrote”You would never know that I was a hospice nurse…..huh!! Isn’t that irony at it’s best or worst?”I think that is the price the medical professionals,like you and me have to pay for caring the general public; Be strong and confidant outside ;comforting patients as required ;helping those in need more than you can;and trying to rewind and taking it easy as time allowed.
It is especially tough if your are the patient or caregiver to a close relative.
But I am sure with God’s grace,everything will be ok.
God bless.Thank you all for your words of faith, hope, and encouragement. I truly am sorry to sound so cold and angry but I am at a loss as to where to go from here. I do not mean to sound bitter or angry but I am. I don’t want to make light of your hopes and words of encouragement but maybe I’m not in the receptive phase yet. I know you all know exactly where I am coming from and maybe that is why this is the only place I can truly vent. My heart is heavy and I can’t stop crying when I am writing this. Just know that my strength and courage is present for my husband and our family when I leave here. You would think I had a split personality! I can not let them see my fears or my tears. Thank you for allowing me to vent and say things I wouldn’t normally say to anyone. You would never know that I was a hospice nurse…..huh!! Isn’t that irony at it’s best or worst?
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