Now in Hospice
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Dear Melinda,
Thank you. It just helps so much to be able to post here and get some love and care from those who have been down this road or are on it now with loved ones. It’s a bit of a helpless feeling to know a loved one it’s declining and my heart breaks.
Thank you for your prayers also. I hope Friday will bring some good news in the midst of all the trouble. I hope my MIL can regain some of her clarity and sharpness.
Hopeseeker
Definitely saying a prayer for Rosemary, and for you and your family. I am glad the hospice nurse was able to put a catheter in and that her pain is under control……many hugs and prayers coming your way.
Melinda
Hospice nurse came out and put a catheter in for my MIK. There’s no infection that the nurse could tell of, but just a complication of the cancer. She is refilling her meds for her too since she’s had to use more lately.
Hosoice nurse is coming back on Friday to check on her and make sure she’s not in pain or having trouble with the catheter. She’s having pain, but the morphin is keeping it under control.
I talked to my MIL on the phone and she sounded very groggy and was confused about several things. I know the morphine and breakthrough meds are making her a bit loopy. She forgot what she was going to say several times and didn’t know the nurse had refilled her prescriptions. She also said she forgot to ask the nurse about glasses for her double/blurry visio and getting her teeth fixed (something she has wanted to do but wasn’t able to for so long). It broke my heart to hear her saying she was going to ask about glasses and getting her teeth fixed knowing she doesn’t need glasses. I did not break down in the phone because I didn’t want to worry her or upset her, but my heart is breaking.
Thank you all for your support and any suggestions or advice you can give. We will be going to love on and be with her again in a few days. I’m glad they are able to get her pain under control, but the effects of the drugs are making it hard to communicate for her and for her to stay awake long.
Say a prayer for my MIL (her name is Rosemary) and for the rest of the family in these next few days, weeks and hopefully months.
Hopeseeker
Update:
It seems my MIL is having some complications cropping up. She’s having a lot of pain and having to take her liquid morphine every 2 hours along with her time release morphine and her breakthrough pain meds.
Her sister says she’s not been able to urinate in 2 days, she’s having some trouble putting sentences together and she has double vision along with the increased pain. Could her stents be blocked, is it cancer progession or is the morphine causing this?
My aunt is going call the Hospice nurse to see what to do. The nurse is set to come out tomorrow which is very good since she will be able to evaluate my MIL better that way.
Hopeseeker
Dear Mary and Cathrine,
She is only 60 and just feels she should have more time here with family. She knows where she’s going when she dies and has peace with that, but is just not wanting to leave her son, grandkids and rest of the family. We will be visiting with her again soon and it always seems to cheer her up.
Cancer is so cruel. I wish there was a cure. She wanted to keep fighting the cancer with chemo, but her body couldn’t handle the chemo anymore.
Not sure how long she has with us still and no one really does. We just pray for peace and comfort for her as we show her love and let her know it’s ok for her to go when the time is right. We have told her we will miss her of course but we would never want to prolong her days of pain and suffering here for our own selfish needs….this is so hard. I knew these days were coming, but nothing prepares you for the downward spiral a loved one goes through with cancer.
Hi-
My heart is breaking for you, your family and MIL. When we had the hospice coming once a week for Dad, they offered a counselor or a spiritual person to come and talk with him. This might be worthwhile to see if you could get for your MIL.
love and hugs,
Catherine
Dear Hopeseeker,
Thank you for such a sensitive description of your visit with your MIL. It sounds like, despite how tough this all is, you and your family were able to create lovely and happy moments for her.
I was wondering about one reflection you have made – about your MIL feeling unready and fearful. Does she articulate specifically why she feels this way? Sometimes people find it hard to explain their fears. For example, if she is fearful of pain or worried about unresolved business or about other family members, there may be ways to comfort her, through her medical providers or through actions or reassurances your family can make.
Your MIL must be very comforted by you and your husband’s care and devotion. Please count on my prayers. I am hoping the hospice care brings her many good weeks and months ahead.
Regards, Mary
Hello again everyone,
We had a good, albeit very emotional visit with my MIL yesterday. She is so very emotional and cries often. She still keeps saying she is not ready to die, and that breaks my heart. We all must face the end of life at some point, but some are just not ready as early as they have to be faced with it. I feel her tears and emotions are very common with patients who are nearing death, but can anyone chime in on this?
My husband and my MIL had to have some very difficult talks about the end of her life and what her wishes were. That was so hard to witness. The emotions were high, but the love and care were very present too. We loved on her and told her over and over how special and loved she was. This is such a hard and trying time for our family. I know many of you have walked this path before so I feel welcome and supported in sharing this info here.
Thank you again for your help and kind words. We are praying for many more days and months for my MIL, but we are cherishing each visit and hug we can right now.
Hopeseeker
Dear Cathrine,
Thank you for your input. She is still at home but with home Hospice coming once a week for now. This has helped both my MIL and her sister because of the great care and suggestions they give.
Dear Hopeseeker,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. When we moved Dad to hospice, it allowed Mom to focus on being his wife and left the caregiving to the hospice workers. I hope she stays comfortable and know that the hospice is there for the family too.
Best wishes,
Catherine
Dear Gavin,
Thank you for your reply and kind words. Knowing that I can ask questions and get support and suggestions is so helpful.
As much as we hated for this stage to come, it was also a relief due to her being so sick from her chemo regimen. She can actually eat better now. She has a few things she would like to do and chemo is not a hindrance for her now.
She does have swelling in her feet, ankles and abdomen, but not enough to drain at this point. She is supposed to get some compression socks to help her feet and ankles some, but she said it’s not going to help much because her liver function is declining which is causing the swelling. She is a bit jaundice, but not like she was when she went to the ER back at the end of March. She shuffles when she walks and is tired very easily. She’s not vomiting like she was when she was on chemo so that’s so good.
The Hospice nurses are so helpful. She is taking several different medications for things that before she just had to suffer through. She does sound a bit drowsy when we talk to her or see her, but I assume that’s the pain meds doing their job.
I pray she can stay comfortable and at ease these next days, weeks and even months. She has been through a lot and this cancer has not been an easy.
Hopeseeker
Dear Hopeseeker,
I am real sorry to hear the news about your MIL and the start of Hospice care for her. I can still remember how it felt when I was told that my dad had been taken into in hospice care all these years ago. It was tough to take and I can understand how your husband is feeling right now.
Hospice I know will do everything that they can to make your MIL as comfortable as possible and that now I would argue is of the utmost importance. The sleeping a lot is so very common as is the swelling and there are things that can be done to help with the swelling and draining of any fluids. Nausea could be an issue and at some point a syringe driver to help with getting meds in could also be an idea. My dad had one and it really helped him loads as with the nausea he was bringing up tablets before they could have a chance to work. Hospice will be able to advise on this but remember always that we are here as well.
From a personal point I and both my dad had nothing but great things to say about the quality of care that he got when he was going through hospice care and I am sure that your MIL will receive outstanding care as well. It is good to hear as well that your MIL is feeling better after having had the chemo stopped now. Please know that I am thinking of you all loads.
Hugs,
Gavin
KarenD
She is doing well. She’s a spunky and upbeat lady. She has been taking amazing care of my MIL. The family seems to be taking it all in stride now. Everyday it seems my MIL is feeling better. She is yellow and has a lot of ankle and feet swelling, but is eating better and sleeping better too. Those things alone can make a person feel like new again!
I am glad that the dr stopped the chemo. I feel it was really hindering her quality of life and that seems to be the case as she now is feeling somewhat better and eating a bit more.
Positivity,
Hospice nurses are doing a wonderful job and they have set things in place to make her time left so much more comfortable and the quality of care and time is better. It is very hard knowing the end could come in weeks, but hope we have a good few months instead of weeks.
That is great she will be getting quality care. I know this is tough and one day will be facing the same with my mom.
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