One year without Kris
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Mary, it does get lighter. I often think what a cold person I would be if I still didn’t have many moments where I just tear up. The deeper we loved the harder we miss.
This is not funny but in a way….I am having a terrible bout with ulcerative colitis. Its been going on months already and I am ready to scream from the Prednesone. So, yesterday I had a major set back, talked to the GI last night and will see him tomorrow. BUT I have come to think that I am concentrating on myself for a change and that is overtaking my missing Teddy. Not sure if that makes sense but I think it is something else for me to think about and get the job done and it kind of numbs the ‘missing’ for awhile. Not sure I am explaing this right but I am high on Steroids right now!!! I think I am also feeling that Teddy is around me again as he comes through Music on the oldies station! During the month of Christmas it was all Christmas songs and I really missed him. He is back! I have kept a log since he passed and I am up to 48 times this last year that I feel he has come here. When I feel real lonely I just read the log. I think about you a lot, stay strong.Hans,
I loved Kris so much, for her humor, her enthusiasm, her friendliness, her love of life and most of all for her hope. It helped so many others here. The world isn’t the same without her. We miss her so much too. I lost my husband Tom in November and I now understand the pain more than I could ever imagine before. My world will never be the same without him. Right now I too seem to embrace the pain at times and keep things to myself but I have hope that in a year things will also be better. If not better at least “lighter”. I’m glad you continue to post. Please continue to do so ,so we know how you are doing. Best wishes to you, MaryHans:
I know what you are going through, I just lost my husband to CC on 11/20/2011 and no one knows what pain we go through until they experience it themselves. Hang in there. My pain is still raw and I’m sure it will get better with time, I never thought I’d be a widow at age 59, but it’s something that I have to deal with.The date of birth and the date of death really does not have a lot of meaning, but the DASH between those dates has a lot of meaning. It represents what that person did during their life and that is what counts.
Hugs,
MargaretHans,
Kris was always so full of hope and optimism. We all miss her too. Thinking of you.
Love & hugs,
DarlaHans, Not only was Kris full of hope, she filled so many of us with hope. It is what keeps me going – hope for the future- hope for a cure for the many still suffering. Kris truly was/is a special soul. She is not forgotten; her many inspiring, heartfelt, sometimes painfully real, full of humour posts are still read as she continues to give hope.
I understand your “embracing the pain”. I too have lost my spouse and I use the pain to strengthen myself and bring understanding. Like Kris I find laughter in each day. Wishing you a peaceful 2012. NancyThank’s everyone!
And Thank you Betsy, I’m allright, spending today at the summer house with our cats. I find I am very greatful it’s a green winter here, as it contrasts with the incredible amounts of snow that surrounded K’s last decline and passing away. I talked to her mom a little while ago and she and her dad seem OK, although sometimes a little less so, as one night expect. We deal with it quite differently – they try to focus on other things than the pain and find it helpful to distract the thoughts as much as they can, while I think I am more inclined to embrace the pain. Perhaps a natural difference – burying your wife in some horrible way is more natural than the devastation of loosing a child, which goes against the order of time and life…
Hi Hans,
I think of Kris all the time. She had a way of writing and conveying information that really appealed to me. Sometimes I come across her postings and I feel like I’ve been stung by a bee….at first I’m surprised by the sting and then I cry a little.
She made a big impression on me.How are you?
Love,
BetsyHans….one of the many insightful and honest postings Kris had made on this site-what a huge hole she has left in our hearts.
Know that I am thinking of you.
Hugs
MarionDearest Hans, I can’t believe it’s been a year and then again it’s been a year for me as well. I know Kris and Teddy have met, he loved strong women! I also know that you and Kris had the kind of love we did and when I am feeling that deep pit I say to myself, “Shame on you. You had a love for 17 years that most people never know in a lifetime”. That seems to help me. We still miss Kris with her wisdom, humor, and bravery!
• I wish heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again.
• I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.
• I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.
• I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
• All I have are memories and pictures in a frame.
• Your memory is a keepsake, from which I’ll never part.Dear Hans,
Our Kris was an amazing woman! I think of her a lot especially whenever I see daffodils. We were all fortunate that we were able to share part of her life and gain so much from her insights into this monster of a disease.
Your quote is one I have in my computer at work. I have shared it and Kris’ story with several people that were either terminal or had a family member facing a terminal diagnosis. Her incredible hope was infectious and will be such a legacy that she leaves behind.
I hope your pain of losing Kris is morphing into the memories of how incredibly lucky you were to share her life. I think of the both of you often.
Hugs!
Pam
I never had the honor of knowing Kris, but from what I have read she was very loved on this site. She had such hope and that is what my daughter who is suffering with this disease has as well. My daughter’s hope will never die either. God bless you on this very difficult day. I know Kris is smiling down on you from heaven. Even in life she seemed like such a beautiful angel.
All the best to you,
-PamA year ago today Kris passed away peacefully in her sleep. Her last 24 hours had been difficult, but that seemed to have passed, and she was tired but not really confused. The last medical news had been encouraging. She knew that she was dying, but she was not without hope. She was never without hope.
Some three months before she had written this:
devoncat wrote:I am terminal. I will die. Most likely soon. Yet I have hope. I will always have hope. Hope does not have to die when the facts are given. The doctor knows statistics, he knows what is most likely to happen, not what will happen. I hold onto that. I have seen wonderful things on this site as well as truly heartbreaking.Kris
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