Pallative care vs Hospice
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Kathy: My heart goes out to you and your family. I will add your father to my prayer list. It’s always so hard to loose someone you love, no matter who it is. But you will find comfort after he passes onto his eternal life because you will know that he is no longer suffering.
I lost my beloved husband Tom to CC on 11/20/2011 and although it was painful to see him as he was before passing, I felt such a sense of joy and calmness after he passed. Naturally I did not ‘want’ to lose him but I also did not want him to suffer any more. He passed away, at home, in my arms just as he wanted.
I pray for peace for your Dad, and joyus celebration of his life. The year of birth and the year of death is not what is important, it’s the dash between those dates, because the dash represents all that he did in his life, the people he touched during that time and what he accomplished during that time.
Hugs,
MargaretKathy….Due to the blockage of my husband’s biliary tract we avoided everything by mouth. Rather then using anti-nausea medication in pill form we preferred suppositories. This may not be necessary for your Dad however; it provides another option if so needed.
(Our Kris used to call it her little “bullets.”)
Your Dad’s pain should be brought under complete control. I don’t know how often Hospice personnel will visit, but make sure that they can be reached at any time as the medication may need to be adjusted. (At times we had the physician call in medication to a nearby pharmacy so that we could pick it up.)You are doing everything right, Kathy. May your Dad find the peace and comfort he deserves and may you treasure these wondrous moments forever. He must be so very proud of you.
Hugs and love,
MarionOh, Kathy I know what you are going through right now and in a very strange what is happening is so unbelievable. I am glad that he is sourrounded by his children and that love is all around him. I am wishing for his meds to take hold today as all we really want at this point is his comfort, he is already at Peace with himself and our world.
Marions & Lainy,
I want to say how much I appreaciate your kind words of encouragement. We had the nurse here yesterday and they are changing him from the morphine to fentyl patches which should hopefully arrive today.
He is still having terrible vomiting at times and hopefully his “kit” will arrive today with the ani-naseau medication and that will settle his stomach.
I am with my 2 sisters and 1 brother and we are all spending time with him and helping in any way we can.
He has been very alert when he is not in pain or sick so we are remembering the “old days” when the whole neighborhood knew you and your family and how great it was that we didnt have to grow up as fast as the kids today do.
He told us that he has started to have very calming “awake dreams” and I know that this is also part of the passing process. He said that he doesnt want to move at those times because they are making him feel so serene.
Thank you for being there!
Love,
KathyDear Kathy,
I am sorry to hear your Dad is still suffering and I hope they can get his nausea and vomiting under control. He deserves some peace. If it his time to go, I hope you can all be with him and he passes peacefully. My prayers are with you. I am sorry your heart is breaking. I wish I could do something to help.
Love,-Pam
Dearest Kathy….You have been a great daughter to your Dad. He is fortunate to have such loving children.
Kathy, excessive vomiting and accompanying nausea can be relentless for some patients and it can be difficult to control. It can get to the point to where not even salvia can pass through. I made sure that my husband was treated aggressively which meant, in his case, that his medication needed to be increased substantially. Of course, this is not something you can take on however; you may want to make sure that the physician is notified as he will have to put in the order. Staying on top of the nausea and vomiting is one of the most beneficial things you can do in order for your Dad to reach the comfort level he deserves. My heart is with you in this difficult time.
All my love,
MarionDear Kathy, you are a wonderful daughter and you ahve done well! Could be it’s taking a little longer to get him comfortable as the wait was long but I am hoping he find his peace soon. It is so very sad but none of us want to see our loved ones suffer so. Prayers and thoughts going out to all of you!
Thank you all for all of your input and prayers.
Dad finally allowed us to call Hospice in yesterday. it was a big step for him.
He told them he was tired and was ready and then he also told my sister and I the same thing and that he wanted to be with my mother who we lost almost 5 years ago. We let him know that although we will miss him we understand that it is time for him to go and they we will be ok.
The priest also came and prayed over him and he reached out his hands to my sister and I and we prayed with him.
They have started him on oxygen and morphine but he is still in pain although we have given him as much as he wants as we were told to do. He was up all nite retching and throwing up so they are coming back today to adjust his medication and bring something for the naseau.
He told me this morning that he wishes he would die already as he is so tired and I am hoping this will be fulfilled sooner rather than later.
I will miss his guidance, laughter and LOVE.
Broken-hearted daughter,
KathyKathy,
It is one thing to disagree on funeral arrangements when someone’s wishes are not known. Tell your sister when she dies she can make the decisions! Or maybe your father can put her in her place!
The road ahead is a difficult one, I pray he gets his wish to pass quickly.
Patty
Kathy,
Hospice is a godsend. They know what they are doing as far as pain management and they have the medical equipment that can allow you to stay in your home. They also have some great literature about end of life that helps people understand the stages and what to expect at end of life.My sisters and I just went through this with my Aunt when she was dying of lung cancer. They were so helpful and they get drugs in amounts that alleviate most of the pain. No one has to be in pain, no one.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
-Randi-Dear Kathy, there comes a time when we must tell our parents how it’s going to be. There is no good reason on earth why Dad should be suffering so much when Hospice could give him a more peaceful journey! I always feel it’s barbaric when there are so many things to ease one’s journey and they are not being used. Besides the meds for pain, there is Oxygen for breathing that also helps relax the patient and there are also meds for agitation. If he knows his time is limited it’s time to let him know that you understand and are going to do what ever it takes, and he must let you, to help him be more peaceful. It also helps to tell him that it is OK for him to go to his peace and that you will all be all right! I know it sounds off the wall, but it does work for you and for him. PLEASE get Hospice in today and let them do their thing, Percoset probably isn’t doing much and he needs a much stronger med. Best of luck and prayers going your way.
Kathy: Your situation sounds so familiar. Dealing w/my step children when planning my husband’s Tom funeral for instance. At one point I had to say to my step daughter “Who is paying for this?” That put her back into her place. Then within 24 hours of his interrment, she was on the phone asking for things out of my home. I told her that her dad said that she was to get his mom’s china hutch and her brother was to get his truck. End of story, they have what he wanted them to have and the rest is mine to do with as I see fit. If and when I’m ready to part w/something then I will make those decisions.
Pallative care is pretty much when Home Health comes into the home and they do Physical and Occupational therapy – their goal is to get the patient back to the point where they are able to care for themselves w/little or no assistance.
Hospice is where they come in and help the patient to be as comfortable as possible until the patient passes. My Tom was so weak that there was no way that he was going to be able to do anything such as PT or OT and the Home Health (Pallative) team realized that after spending 5 minutes with him and they called in the Hospice team.
The hospice team w/send out a Social Worker who will go over everything with you, ask questions about the needs of the family. They will bring in a Hospital bed, oxygen and will decide what type of supplies are needed. Supplies being medications such as liquid morphine, drops to help dry up the excessive secrections in the mouth/throat, stool softner if necessary. They will make all the arrangements after the patient passes. They will direct you to NOT call 911 but to call them at any time day or night. A RN can be at the patients home generally w/i 30 minutes after you call. They will assist the family in any way possible.
Once the patient passes, you call the hospice team and they come and do not have to do any kind of examination of the patient other than to observe that the patient is not breathing. Hospice w/take care of contacting the cornorer and reporting the death. The cornorer will tell the Hospice team to contact the funeral home and then the funeral home w/come for the patients body. The funeral home comes at any time of the day or night. They will be dressed professionally suit and tie even if it is 11:30 pm. I only know this because my husband went on Hospice on Friday the 18th of November 2011 and passed on 11/20/2011. The best decision I made was to allow him to pass away at home with dignity and without any pain. Thank heavens for liquid morphine.
I will add your dad to my prayer list. As for your sister, let her have a mememoral for your dad if she so chooses to do that. But I believe that your dad’s wishes should be honored.
Go with God,
Hugs during this difficult time.
MargaretDear Kathy,
I haven’t been through any of this so I don’t feel I should comment. What I can say is that I am sorry your Dad is in pain and can’t wait until it is tomorrow and you can call Hospice. I am praying for you and your Dad to find peace.
Love, -Pam
Dad is having very labored breathing and he said the Percocet is not helping with the pain any longer even though he is taking 2 at a time. He is hardly eating or drinking. I am afraid he will dehydrate. He said he cant fight any longer and he knows his time is limited.
My sister and brother came from NY today and my children and grandchildren came to visit.
I came to stay with my sister as she cannot do this on her own and I want to be here with both of them.
He wont let us call in hospice til tomorrow but he cannot even sleep because he is in so much pain. He also cant stop coughing. His color is horrible.
I feel so helpless.
Kathy
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