peace to all, especially my Beloved Anne

My Beloved Anne died last Sunday.

Would, if I could have intervened. But my, and her family’s grief was somewhat alleviated in her love and strength. Anne’s personal and spirital growth throughout her illness helped us all prepare.

In the six months after stopping chemo, she had come back to life. We had settled back into small living, living the day to days, creating and learning, and just being with each other. She was well and life had the echo of normality.

That normality collapsed along with Anne, a little over a week ago when I found her folded on the bathroom floor. She had had a gastric bleed and released a large clot, which impacted upon her brain. She had lapsed into a coma by the time the ambulance arrived and spent four days in that state until all her family arrived.

Anne had prepared a letter, which I carried with me for the past 6 months. (I have included the letter below, as its effect on all those around her was intensly powerful, even on the emergency medico’s.) It calmly and clearly stated her wishes for non intervention, and her gratitude for all that had been during her life, including the whipples that she had this time last year.

What this meant was that instead of struggling to keep her, she lay peacefully while her family gathered around her. The stroke had placed her in a space of limited pain, which was managed with occasional morphine. But otherwise, she lay there, breathing quietly, motionless.

It was her gift to us, and allowing it was our gift to her. It provided time and acceptance for people to gather and love and support each other’s loss. If death can be a gift she provided it as she breathed her last, the very moment her nephew arrived in the room, back from Thailand. He arrived to share the silence and encompasing love of the gathered family.

I shall write more soon, but here are Anne’s words.

“I, Anne, of Tasmania make the following declaration regarding my wishes for the information of my Medical Power of Attorney.

I have entered my sixtieth year. I have had a wonderful life, but feel no need to cling onto this life.

In August 2009 I was diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma. I underwent a modified Whipples Proceedure . . . to remove the tumour and subsequently have been having chemotherapy.

I understand cholangiocarcinoma to be an aggressive form of cancer, with survival rates to 5 years estimated a 10-50%, depending on individual factors. My own survival has been variously estimated by a private consultant and medical staff as measured in months, or as 30-50% for 5 years.

I have been of a conservationist turn of mind all my life, and have endevoured to live relatively simply, without excessive consumption of resources. Whilst extremely grateful for the excellent medical care that I have received during my illness, I am also very concious of the resources expended.

In the light of the above, I instruct as follows;

1) If I should require resuscitation at any time, whether as a result of my current carcinoma or from some other cause, I dorect my Medical Power of Attorney to refuse such resuscitation on my behalf.

2)If any proceedure or treatment is proposed, the sole or primary aim of which is to prolong my life, or prevent my death, I direct my Medical Power of Attorney to refuse such proceedure or treatment on my behalf.

3) If any mediacl proceedure ot treatment is proposed the primary aim of which it to relieve my pain and suffering, I direct my Mediacl Power of Attorney to authoirse that proceedure or treatment even if it may or will shorten my life or hasten my death.

4) If there is a choice between low-tech non- intrusive proceedure of pain releif and an invasive high-tech procedure, I would prefer my Medical Power of Attorney to authorise the former.”

May she rest in the love of peace and the peace of love.