Question for Jen and Andrea?
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Katelyn is a lot younger – almost 14 months, and she’s not at the point where she needs him to get down and play with her (as long as SOMEONE will)! Because Dad lays down for most of the time we are there now (in his spot on the couch), this is how she is used to seeing him. It’s really sweet, because she will often quietly walk over and stand next to him when he’s sleeping and just stare at him. I should really take a picture of it, actually. He will have her sitting up on the couch with him and play peek-a-boo and stuff, but she’s too young to understand that it’s not normal.
We also use pictures a lot. Katelyn has her own little photo album that she carries around with her, and she’ll bring it to us so we can look through it.
I’m sorry for what you are going through – it’s such a tough thing and I think it would be a lot harder for me if Katelyn was old enough to understand being sick… I don’t know how I would tell her that Papa isn’t well.
Andie – I think Dad had also had sad moments when he realizes what he’ll miss out on, and I honestly think that is the thing that I have the hardest time dealing with…. it’s so hard.Sending warm thoughts and love to you both.
Jen
Dear DD,
My son is older, he’s 9. He is extremely close to my Dad. He knows Grandad is not well but not how serious. My Dad can no longer play football with my son but they do play cards, make lego and watch DVDs.
He is used to my Dads colour being yellow as he has been like this since Febuary and at the moment that really is my Dads only sign he is ill. He looked after my son yesterday whilst I worked (I had offered to book the day off but Dad insisted) and Mom said he didn’t even take a nap. What did upset me though was a sadness in Dads eyes when I went to collect my son. Mom later told me that it had suddenly hit Dad that he wouldn’t be around to see him grow up.
Could you perhaps find a book that deals with staying in hospital, especially for young children and read it to him and explain that we have to look after his nan, perhaps he could become your moms doctor and he is in charge of making sure she rests. My son loved to dress up and had a doctors kit when he was younger.
Does your son have a favourite DVD, perhaps they could watch this together. You could make this special tv time with nan.
Perhaps you could put a photo of your mom in his room and tell him that his nan is always with him.
I know at 19 months it’s a very difficult age for them to understand, so I hope the above suggestions help. I am dreading it when my Dad starts to change more in appearance and personality, as I think it will really effect my son. Since starting school he only really sees my Dad holidays and weekends as my Dad worked up until March this year. I’m dreading Christmas as we have always spent it with my parents and Nan, and my Dad and son have been like two peas in a pod on Christmas day playoing with his new toys and gadgets.
Thinking of you and sending much love.
Dear Devastated Daughter – With my 2 year old granddaughter, we play pretend games that include Papa’s name. We look at pictures and talk about fun times. We make up once upon a time stories that talk about the child’s experiences with Papa. Sometimes when Papa isn’t in the bed, we lay on his side of the bed, hold hands and watch Mickey Mouse. It is very hard when the child is so young, but my granddaughter thinks she even knows my Aunt Dee (who died when our 2 year old was 6 months old) because we play these games and look at pictures. Sometimes she will carry Aunt Dee’s picture to a room where we are and tell the picture to “sit right there.” I take comfort in knowing that our granddaughter can connect in some way to her family members who are not here either by hospitalization or even permanent loss. I hope this helps. Blessings, Susan
Hi Jen and Andrea,
My son who is now 19 months was extremely extremely close with my mom. We saw her every single day and they played ALOT together. However over the past 2 months my mom’s disease has taken a turn for the worst and she has become very bloated and tired and she just cannot play with him anymore the way they use to. Also, add to that, that she had been in and out of the hospital many times, he really has not seen her all that much.
I find that it affects him and he is sad and I just don’t know how to explain to him what is going on without breaking his heart. I feel that he is hurting and that he misses her and when he sees her he grabs her by the hand and asks her to sit down next to him to play but she cannot. It s just heartbreaking……I do not know how to deal with this situation…She is in the hospital again this week and he spoke to her on the phone tonight and he was telling her to come over (not in so many words cause he doesn’t speak just yet, but that’s what he meant).
Just wondering how you deal with the fact that you have young children and i am sure they want to play with their grandfathers but can’t the way they use to. I know that Jen you have a young daughter and I think you do to ANdrea (not too sure) that’s why the question goes out to you….
Any other people who have any advice on how to deal with this situation would be appreciated.
Thank you soo much in advance!
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