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Irene…. My sincere condolences. May God give you the strenght during this time of sadness. Irene, Grief can be handled in so many different ways. I’ve often thought of it and it’s relationship with memories. Is there a difference? I’ll have fond memories for years, but I for some reason don’t feel it’s the same as initial grieving upon when someone passes. I would go for the surgery Irene, Your a great person who, has plenty to offer those less fortunate than us. There are plenty of people less fortunate ,believe it or not.
God bless You, and May Your Mom rest in peace.
Jeff G.God Bless,
Jeff G.Dear Irene,
I’m so sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. I am also very close to my mother and am also single. I can’t imagine how difficult it is to face your grief and your health problems without your strongest supporter.Please go through with your surgery. Your mom would want you to take any opportunity possible to regain your health and beat this cancer.
You always have your cc community here to talk to.
God bless,
~LisaDear Irene,
Prayers for you in this most difficult of time. So very sorry for your loss and for the decisions facing you. Please lean on all of us here as the needs arise to vent and release frustrations. Wish I could write something to help ease the pains.
KarenDear Irene, I am so very sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. I believe you need to go ahead with your surgery as that is what she would want. Instead of focusing on her departure focus on what a great daughter you have been and that you were there for her to ease her way. Try to think of good memories
and know that she has not left you, she has only left the room! Our thoughts and prayers are with you!I echo Joyces and MArions words. I am so sorry for your loss. I cant imagine having to go through this at the same time as losing your mother. However, let me ask, wouldnt she want you to continue with the surgery, to fight for life? I think most mothers would. You cant feel guilty about this.
Kris
Dear Irene,
My heart is breaking for you. I may not have the right words to comfort you, but I can say that I know some of what you’re going through, and if you need to vent – to me, to others on this board, to your close friends, to a therapist – then please do so, and I know you’ll always find a sympathetic/empathetic ear.I can understand your feeling of hopelessness, and I know a grief like yours won’t go away by tomorrow, but it’s important that you keep your spirits up so you can go through the surgery and fight this thing and fight to regain your health. You’re not ready to give up yet! If not for yourself, then for others in your life that you love and who love you – and for the memory of your mother.
I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m saying this to put you on a guilt trip – I’m just trying to give a little pep talk, though I know it probably doesn’t help much. I won’t try to diminish what you’re feeling by saying “snap out of it” because I know too well what grief does to you. So, like I said before, maybe it would help to talk about it — no solutions offered, no trite words, just a listening ear. Or you can write about it, as I sometimes do when I need to get something off my mind and make sense of it.
It’s a horrible thing that you’re going through right now and your feelings are perfectly valid – I would be screaming my head off at the injustice of it. But please consider going ahead with the surgery – you’ll feel even worse about everything if you just don’t do anything, I think.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your mother was truly lucky to have a wonderful daughter like you, and I’m sure she knew it.
-Joyce MDearest Irene…..there are times when words just don’t seem to be enough to express our feelings. I am sending to you the biggest cyberhug ever with the hope of it being some comfort to you. I am so very sorry to hear about the passing of your Mom. But, one thing more then anything I would like to emphasize- you are not alone…..you have your CC family – always. So glad you were able to vent – this is the place to do so -.
Thinking of you and sending my biggest hugs ever
MarionDear Friends:
I wanted to share some news among my friends here in the CC world. I know none (or few) of us actually “know” each other, but this site has truly been such a source of support and strength.
I was diagnosed with CC in July of 2008. Tumor is in awful place but surgeon feels there is a good chance he can get it. I am 43 and asymptomatic.
For years I have been caregiver to my mom, who has been chronically ill with multiple medical problems but actually pretty stable. Obviously the stress of the CC has been terrible on both of us; I was scrambling to get some services and close friends in place to make sure she was cared for while I was in the hospital and then during recovery. My mom, of course, was dealing with the idea that she might outlive me, and I am not sure how any parent can even process that.
In any case. She became acutely ill 10 days ago, and required hospitalization. While in the hospital she developed pneumonia and did not respond to antibiotics, in fact the pneumonia spread and her breathing became worse and worse, and there was delirium. Finally, a nurse took me aside and told me the obvious that no one had dared tell me: she was dying. She did not have physical (or, I suspect, emotional) reserves to fight back. The next step was use of a breathing tube; her living will (and discussions with me) had made it very clear that she did not want a breathing tube or any other “heroic” measures. There was a theoretical chance of survival, but not survival in the sense that she could ever live at home again, or even necessarily breathe on her own again. She was dependent on me (and I on her, to some degree.)
I was fortunate enough to get her into Hospice, and she (and me too) was given wonderful, kind, comforting and loving care. She passed away on Sept. 1. She had not been “conscious” for about a day, but I was with her, holding her hand as she passed, and that, at least, gives me a small amount of comfort.
So here I am, grieving, broken-hearted, feeling terribly alone, and trying to make sense of this awful loss and how do I go on. This is such an unbearable and permanent absence. I am an only child and while I have a few very very close friends, there is no “significant other.”
And as a bonus, i am scheduled for radical resection in six days.
So other than needing to share my grief, I am trying to figure out: do I proceed? How can my body possibly take the awfulness of resection when i am so depleted in every way? Do I postpone? Do I even care about the surgery now? Much of my purpose was in somehow getting better and getting back home to be here for my mom — and now my purpose is gone.
Just needed to vent a bit. I know we all have our horror stories.
Irene
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