remembering the last days
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Elaine,
How fortunate you are to have had a wonderful person like Gary in your life, and what a wonderful, thoughtful thing for him to do. It’s like my finding that Valentine card Butch gave me – it came with flowers on Valentines Day in 2008 – He wasn’t diagnosed until early March, so we didn’t know about the CC. The card said “To Joyce – my wife – , for life, and beyond’. I put it in my wallet (I was out when it was delivered), and forgot about it until months later, after he was gone, when I found it one day and read it. Anyway, I will look forward to meeting with you when you are here next. In the meantime, take care and God be with you.
Joyce
Hi Joyce,
I’m glad to be reconnecting with you and the entire cc family. I’ve been reading the posts every day but didn’t feel up to posting myself until now. I was in Endicott over the holidays – wish I’d had the forethought to arrange to meet you. I’ll be back home again over the summer for sure – can we do that then? Your Young Widows group sounds like fun. I hope to make a connection like that down here in SC. Our senior citizen organization is very active also, so I’ll probably look into that as well.
Today is Gary’s 3 month anniversary and it’s amazing the wonderful signs my daughters and I experienced – a beautiful California rainbow, a gorgeous SC sunset, and a great day at work after several blue days. Gary left us all with the ability to always see the positive and to be motivated to carry on. Unbeknownst to anyone else, Gary called his best friend (and spiritual companion) the day he found out he had “weeks” to live (it ended up being 5 days) and asked him a favor. He wanted this friend to wait 2 months and then call me, the 5 children, his mother and brother and relay a message. It was the same message he lived by – go on with life, do not be sad – and for me, that he had the best years of his life with me. I feel so blessed to have had him!
It amazes me how much this board has to offer to everyone at every stage of fighting CC. What an intimate connection we all share. I’m glad to be back!
Elaine
Hi Elaine,
I am sorry you are going through the terrible “downs” of ups & downs. This will go on for a very long time, but, as I said, it DOES get better – not good, but – more bearable. I did try a bereavement group – last January (Butch passed on in early October of 2008). It did help me, and I go to a Young widow’s bereavement group now (also through Hospice) – the first Monday of the month – and have met some friends there who have become very dear to me. We go to the movies, out to dinner, etc. together – even went to NYC to see “Wicked” at Thanksgiving. It is very helpful to have friends who really understand each other, and we have something to look forward to – probably more helpful than the grievance group even.
I guess we all learned there is no “fix” to this thing, and certainly no quick answers. I just always tried to remember what everyone always said – time heals all wounds, and continue to work at rebuilding this new life. Having this site, and my friends here has certainly been a great help, and we would like to be here for you too.Love – Joyce
Janet
Sorry to hear of your great loss – words fail at times like this. Suffice to say you are in our thoughts.Gerry
Thankyou for all the kind and encouraging words.I agree with Darla that it is terribly up and down.I have a feeling that the actual anniversary day wont be as bad as this leadup,after all,all the real nightmare stuff happened beforehand.
In my case things did worsen a bit afterwards bacause my son suffered a bit of a breakdown and then we had my younger son in his final year of school.I just didnt have the energy to deal with it all.
I also found it hard to go back to work.I didnt get involved with a group as such but I did join friends of the library and art gallery and that helped.What I found, Elaine is that distraction helps but you have to be fussy and do what you think you will enjoy and spend time with who you want to and sometimes it works,sometimes not and if an occasion is not working for me I have just left and gone home because I started to feel sad.
I do love the poem,LainyJanet
Elaine,
I didn’t get involved in a group, but I know others have and I am sure they will be chiming in soon. You were atleast fortunate to have had a good experience to remember in the end and yes, he is no longer suffering, but now we have to learn how to go on and that isn’t easy. I think in the beginning we are still in shock and have so many things to do and think about and then all of a sudden it hits you and you realize he is never going to be here again. For me it has been over 16 months and it is still hard. I have good days & bad, but hopefully there are more good than bad as time goes on. I have come to the conclusion that the sadness and loneliness never really goes away, we just learn how to live with it and go on. We will always miss our husbands and remember the lives we had before. I try to keep busy and not dwell on things too much, but that is not always easy. We have all been helping & supporting each other as time goes on and I hope you will keep coming back too as we all know what it is like and we all understand and care. Take care Elaine and keep coming back when you need to. We are all here for you, too.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaI’m glad to hear that things do get better with time. It’s been 3 months since Gary passed, and after a bearable start due to being so busy for the first many weeks, now I seem to be entering a more sad state. I’m at that point where all of a sudden I realize he’s gone and then the tears come. I’m grateful for the weeks I had when I was coping quite well. I think I was still caught up in the whole experience of Gary’s final days in Hospice with all his loving family around him…I can’t really explain what an awesome experience that was. It was so peaceful and we were all there for Gary, continually talking to him, praying, and supporting each other. There was also great relief in knowing he was out of his suffering. Now…the longevity of him being gone is hitting home. My faith is very strong and that gives me much comfort, but some days just seem endless. Really, how many games of Solitaire can you play on the computer?! I’ve contacted Hospice to get information about a grieving group? Have any of you done that? How was it? Elaine
Oh , Janet, it is so difficult – last year at this time, the world was a different place for you. I sometimes think about that – that one moment in time when everything changed – it is the same for all of us. I am so very sorry that you are so sad – it will get better – it has for me. The one year anniversary was brutal, but – read Lainy’s poem – it does comfort me, reading it – makes me realize that we are not alone – our loved ones are around us in spirit. I will be thinking about you and the boys.
Love,
Joyce
Janet,
Please know that I am keeping you in my close thoughts.
Lainy,
Thanks for your words, they hit the spot right now.
Best wishes to you all.
Gavin
They played a heck of a game after the first 5 minutes! They are young and by next year could take it all! Now we switch to the Cardinals as that is our home now. They are equally good but they sure exhibited some bad behavior.
Keep posting them. They are wonderful and I am sure there are always a few on the site that can use the support at any given time. I know I sure do. It’s going to warm up here a bit starting tomorrow. Not sure for how long tho’. What did you think of that game?!?!?!
Hi Darla, funny. I keep repeating some of my favorites but why fix it if it ain’t broken? Sometimes there are just no words, I can’t dig down deep enough to find them, so I use these poems/prose instead. Is it a Wisconsin thing???? Hope you are not freezing too much.
Lainy,
You have done it again. I just read this again this morning and was about to pass it on to Janet as I know how she is feeling. Great minds really do work alike!
Janet,
You know I am thinking of you.Love & Hugs,
DarlaDearest Janet, I know there are no words to really express your feelings, or ours to you, so I will use words of someone else:
You will grieve my loss, but I have not gone. My body is beyond your reach, but my soul is touching yours. I am the one who enters your dreams. Caresses your face Hugs you. Misses you. I have not left, my spirit is with yours. I am all around you when you call. I am the gentle breeze when there is no wind. I am in the photo on the wall when you blink in disbelief. I am the song that enters your head for no reason, yet it reminds you. Don’t grieve that I am gone. I am with you, beside you, in you. I will be forever
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