Discussion Board Forums Supportive, Palliative & Hospice Care Response to Alla’s posting

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    Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I too believe the butterfly was Marty’s way of letting you know that he is OK and is near by giving you the strength and support you need to get through all of this.

    I am glad you are also getting much needed support from your friends. Hang in there. You will be OK.

    Love & Hugs,


    Lauren, LOVE your Rabbi! I think a butterfly is a good omen as it is beautiful and gentle. Kind of a peaceful work of live art!


    I am sorry to bread of your husband’s passing. When my dad was dying, our rabbi told my kids that the souls of people are in butterflies and every time you see a butterfly, it’s the soul saying hello. We all have been comforted by that. Even after 5 years, when a butterfly comes around, one of us will say it’s Grandpa and it always warms my heart.



    I am very sorry for your loss, Alla. What an awesome dream. I’m sure it was Marty trying to let you know he was ok. I send my deepest sympathy to you and your children. Take care and God bless.

    Love, -Pam


    Alla, I am a believer, you know and I have a log I keep with Teddy’s “visits” and so far in almost 2 years I have logged 54. When I feel lonely I just read the log and know he is all around me. I don’t think it was a dream, it was the real thing! You might want to be alert to things electrical. Like lights blinking or the television going louder and softer. One day at a time is the best we can do as we learn to live our “new Normal”. I am so happy your friends have stepped up for you and it will take time but I have every reason to believe that you will be OK. Thanks so much for letting us know how you are doing.


    Thank you all for your support and encouragements. It is still seems unreal. Made funeral arrangements today. Unfortunately, not for the days I thought of. It had to be pushed back to next thursday, which I’m not to happy about.

    Saw an interesting dream last night – it was a beautiful butterfly flying around me. I asked if it was Marty and butterfly set on my hand, confirming that it was him. I asked if he was ok and somehow butterfly “told” me that he was. I had a peaceful feeling that it was him and he was fine.

    Getting a lots of support from the friends – more than I ever expected. I think we’ll be OK in time. Just taking day at a time…

    Sincerely, Alla


    Dear Alla,

    You and your children have my deepest sympathy. I am so sorry for your loss and for what you all have had to endure. Try to take some comfort in knowing that he is in a better place. He is now at peace and no longer suffering. He will always be with you in your heart and memories. My heart goes out to you and your family. We are all here for you when you are ready. Know that I am thinking of you and share your pain and grief.

    With Love & Hugs,


    Dear Alla,

    I am so very sorry indeed to hear of the passing of your husband. Please accept my sincere condolences. I know that you did everything that you could to help your husband and please know that my thoughts are with you and your family right now.



    Dear alla, I’m deeply sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your children during this difficult time.



    Alla, I am so very sorry, we both know that he deserved his Peace. You have been amazing as a wife and Caretaker. Take all the time you need, but I hope you will check in down the road and let us know how you are doing.

    Letter from Heaven by Ruth Ann Mahaffey

    To my dearest family some things I’d like to say
    But first of all to let you know that I arrived okay,
    I’m writing this from Heaven. Here I shall dwell with God above
    Here, there’s no more tears of sadness. Here is just eternal love.
    Please do not be unhappy because I’m out of sight
    Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
    That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through
    God picked me up and hugged me and He said “I welcome you,
    It’s good to have you back again,
    you were missed while you were gone,
    As for your dearest family, they’ll be here later on.
    God gave me a list of things that he wished for me to do
    And foremost on the list was to watch and care for you
    And when you lie in bed at night, the days chores put to flight
    God and I are closest to you . . in the middle of the night.
    When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years
    Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears
    But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain
    Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
    One thing is for certain though my life on earth is o’er
    I’m closer to you now than I ever was before.
    There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
    Together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
    When you’re walking down the street and you’ve got me on your mind
    I’m walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind
    And when it’s time for you to go . . from that body to be free
    Remember you’re not going . . you’re just coming here to me.


    Well, looks like that decision was taken out of my hands as well… I planned to talk about all arrangements – couldn’t, I was trying to decide about TPN – his body rejected it, was thinking about boys seeing him – but he passed away about 15 min after my post.
    I didn’t get to hold him, as I noticed that his breathing changed dramatically and run to get his son, by the time we got back he wasn’t breathing. He had made one more small sound while we were there and was gone.
    Just told the kids – taking it hard. I’m sure it will be a while and I know it’s hard to accept. Even after seeing it – it seemed unreal.
    Will start to make final arrangements tomorrow.

    Thanks again for all your support! I will be back…


    Just an update. It keeps declining quickly..


    Yesterday he was trying to sit up, as well as trying to go to the bathroom with our help and answer questions. Today he can’t really move, no talking, doesn’t try to get up, no interaction at all. He is sleeping with his eyes half open and staring. I tried to talk to him – seems that he does understand. When I said I love him – his upper lip moved, when I ask him if he can hear me, he moaned a little…
    He seems more comfortable, but we do press the pain pump button periodically when he moans. Had intense vomiting earlier, hopefully that helped as well. His son had said that seems that his organs are shutting down.
    Hard to watch and still seems impossible that he won’t be here on earth very soon!
    Kind of torn if I should let the kids say goodbye or not. It would be hard for them to see him like that, but in the same time – would they regret it later? Yet again, would he want them to remember him like that? Is there a right answer???


    I appreciate it, Lainy. Hope he’ll have a better night!


    Dear Alla, thank you for the update. In my mind, if you stop the TPN maybe you are not depriving him but it could be you are stopping the vomiting and pain. I guess only time will tell. Your husband has been through so much that perhaps by not eating or drinking he is trying to tell you he has had enough. It is hard to listen to what they are trying to tell or show us. I believe they know exactly what they are doing even if we think they don’t. Be strong, we are all beside you!


    Hospice nurse was here only for an hour, then later cna was here for 40 min to give him sponge bath. That’s all.
    Most of the time we are on our own. I think we are stopping tpn. Nurse definitely adviced against it as it can cause more vomiting and more swelling and discomfort for him. I know tpn won’t help him, but somehow it’s still feels like I’m depriving him of food. He didn’t even ask for water today at all. On the other hand, if he didn’t ask for food or drink today – then he didn’t want it…
    Thanks again, Alla

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