May 30, 2016 at 3:08 pm #92074circlea5Participant
I am so sorry for your loss. I too am grieving for my husband . He passed away may 13 from this horrible cancer. He also only had short time after the drs finally figured out it was bile duct cancer , he had been in hospital nearly a week when they did and had 2 good days after that then fell into coma and passed away only a week later. I am devestated.. And I too feel like as time goes by I get worse. There really are no words anyone can say or anything anyone can do. Just no you aren’t alone and that it is part of grieving process , right now I am mad at God for this I’m hoping I will get over that. Hang there and again my deepest sympathy.April 13, 2016 at 5:10 pm #92073gavinModerator
I am so very sorry indeed to hear of the passing of your mother. Please accept my sincere condolences. Having also lost my dad to this cancer I so know the pain that you are feeling right now. Please know that my thoughts are with you and your family right now and please know as well that we are all here for you.
GavinApril 13, 2016 at 1:53 am #92072darlaParticipant
Grief is a very personal thing. Everyone has to grieve at their own pace and in their own way and time. There are no rules and there is no right or wrong. Everything you are feeling is normal for you. Just take things as they come. One day at a time.
DarlaApril 12, 2016 at 11:08 pm #92071musichelpsParticipant
Thank you Darla, Lainy and middlesister 1,
I have done some reading about grief and I can see I move all around the stages. Yesterday I was work, today is a day off and I am exhausted but need to keep going, do some shopping and cooking and get winter shirts for my son and meet my brother to finalise memorial service for my mother and pick up her ashes and meet with my mother’s friend ….I don’t want to do any of it. I know I should. I will try. My mother talks to me all the time but it is not the same as her being alive. I’m not ready to take in the idea of any comfort from her death. Rationally I know it will happen but it isn’t now and I have to allow myself my process. I am sorry I can’t be more positive. I just can’t today. Or maybe it is just this minute. I don’t know. But I thank you for your kinds words and I am heartened by your experiences of coping.
All the best,
GeorgiaApril 12, 2016 at 9:23 am #92070middlesister1Moderator
For so many, it takes a long time just to get used to the diagnosis and learning what cholangiocarcinoma is. I’m am so deeply sorry that it took your beloved mother from you. And, do not be too hard on yourself- you are going through a tremendous loss.
Take care of yourself,
CatherineApril 11, 2016 at 2:13 am #92069lainyParticipant
Dear Georgia, I am so very sorry to read about your Mother. I hope you get some comfort in knowing how courageous she was and that she held her grace and dignity to the highest regard. It will take some time to let the grief out but when it does the time will come that you will think of only the happiest of memories which I believe is what your Mother would want you to do.
Georgia, as our members here know I am a BIG believer in the beyond and believing has brought so much comfort to me. IF you believe I would be happy to send you a list of how to know when loved ones are around us. First though I would suggest giving your Doctor a call and asking him for a little something to get you through this. I really believe you need a little extra help. Also you might look in to a grief counseling group. Please let us know how you are doing.
I’M STILL HERE
I’m at your side each night and day,
In your heart is where I’ll stay.
You can feel, see or hear, I am not gone, I’m always near.
I’m the colorful leaves when fall comes round,
The pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I’m the first bright blossom you’ll see in Spring.
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I’m the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
And you’ll see that the face in the moon is mine.
I’ll whisper your name through the leaves on the trees,
And you’ll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.
I’m the salty tears that flow when you weep,
And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I’m the smile you see on a baby’s face.
Just look for me, I’m every place!April 11, 2016 at 1:48 am #92068darlaParticipant
I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your mother so quickly. For her it is a blessing that she did not have to suffer or be in pain from this awful disease. Unfortunately, for those of us left behind to deal with the loss, it takes time. Although it never really goes away, in time you will be able to take comfort in the fond memories you have of her. She will always be with you in your heart and those memories.
DarlaApril 11, 2016 at 12:47 am #12354musichelpsParticipant
I wrote in these discussions about 3 weeks ago. My mother died last Tuesday morning.
She had a stent but it didn’t work.
She was accepting, had no regrets, and maintained an unbelievable dignity. I was with her nearly every second. I slept at the hospital and then 4 days at the hospice where she wanted to go. She had paid for cremation and organised everything two years before as she was this sort of woman. I coped very well while she died but I have got worse everyday since. To the point now where I can’t get out of bed. Can’t go to work. I thought I would but I can’t. I’ve got to find some strength for myself and my family and I also know that I have to let grief be too.
I went to a family wedding two days ago and my brother in law asked me how my mother was. I don’t know how he didn’t know. It threw me off badly. I drank way too much for too long and feel ashamed for that too. I have to do better. I am enveloped by grief like I have never experienced. I am reading about grief and I understand these feelings are grief. I don’t want to tell anyone else my mother has died. I don’t want to hear them tell me they are sorry. Is this denial? My mother always said if you get too absorbed in yourself to think of others and do something for them. I have all the wisdom to cope but I am just too exhausted to put it into place. I will keep trying.
Her cause of death: metastatic Cholangiocarcinoma. Two weeks from diagnosis. She wanted it to be quick. She had virtually no pain. I loved her dearly. I still do. I always will. I hope anyome reading can take comfort in the horrendous feelings I am having and know they are not alone even though it certain ly feels like it. All the best to everyone.
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