Scan Anxiety Rebuilding
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Oh Kris…I have missed you. So glad to hear that Mark is doing well….great news. You’re right. of course……must concentrate on the good stuff, which I’m trying to do, but the anxiety just creeps in. Yesterday, it was one week until my appointment at Mayo. That precipitated more anxiety. Fortunately, there are a lot of distractions this week with the holiday coming. We went to Circus du Soleil .last night with friends and there are two Thanksgiving dinners and a brunch between now and when we leave Thanksgiving afternoon for Rochester. In between, I”m doing genealogy research, which requires a lot of concentration, so it’s hard to think about other stuff. Sigh….I guess …oh horrors…I could always clean the house. ACK!
Julie T.Julie –
Remember I am not even the one having the scans and I have horrible scan anxiety. Mark just laughs (some at me and some just to laugh) and tells me to remember that what will happen will happen whether I worry about it or not. I wish I could be as calm as he is. But we have made it though 17 months now (hard to believe). It does seem to get a little easier. So deep breath and keep pushing through it. Concentrate on those good things you have in life.Hugs,
KrisVWell Duke, my analogy is distract yourself by doing what you love, or try something new, just for a while don’t look ahead. Mental survival is as critical as physical survival . Faith is facing the unknown and not being overcome with fear. Have faith Julie, it might be a long ride, Pat
Hercules –
Thanks for the visual of the waterfall. Some of know we won’t get to the harbor at the end of the river but that is no reason not to make it the ride of a lifetime.
Look at the faith of Reepicheep at the end of the Voyage of the Dawn Treader:
“Where the sky and water meet, Where the waves grow sweet, Doubt not, Reepicheep, To find all you seek, There is the utter East.”
Duke
Julie, you are at a difficult time in the first year, it is hard to distract yourself from this topic. Our lives are like a canoe ride on a very winding river. We know there is a waterfall somewhere ahead, but we don’t know just how far. Don’t be so worried about the waterfall that you miss all the beautiful things along the shoreline . Think about what you love to do, make a plan and do it… hope for the best, Pat
Dear all,
I too, think this is a normal fear for any of us to have. I think the trick is….to not stay paralyzed in that fear. We all know how precious each day is and how important it is to be positive and on and on and on……and while I am a firm believer in all of that, I am also human and that fear creeps back in because we all know the possibility is there for growth/reoccurrence. So maybe if we can lean on each other and encourage each other it won’t be so bad in those moments. I have had mixed feelings the past few appointments……I am excited that they don’t want to see me for four months, but dear Lord, that is a lifetime in the cc world. I grew accustom to every one or two month scans the past two years and while I am grateful for the break in scans, the comfort of knowing what was going on was always so reassuring. Hang in there and I am glad we are not alone in this anxiety.
MelindaWe have hundreds of postings on scan-anxiety and recurrence anxiety. Even though we can compare this disease to that of a chronic illness, with it comes a chronic threat as well.
I recall a similar thought our very own Dr. Giles had commented on:
http://cholangiocarcinoma.org/ask-dr-giles-my-cancer-is-gone-but-i-dont-know-how-to-regain-my-joie-de-vie/
You too may want to reach out to Dr. Giles. He is here for us, gives great advice and it is “free” of charge as well.
Here is the link:
http://cholangiocarcinoma.org/for-patients/ask-dr-giles/
Give it a try.
Hugs,
MarionDear Julie, Duke and Porter, hate to say this but what you are all feel is very normal. Sometimes it is good to let it out if you can get back to a decent place after letting loose. G-d only knows what I
would do. I know I present a strong front but then I have never had to go through what you have. Go ahead and have that pity party but then like Porter suggested try to keep yourselves as busy as you can. Sure wish I could take the anxiety away from you but it needs to come from within.
Julie, just talking to your Psych might help, you know telling your fears to someone else.Julie, you know
that I struggle with this too. I still just can’t shake it a lot of days. Every little ache, nausea and pain I feel just makes my anxiety soar, and I assume the worst. You know I realize looking back on my life I tend to do this often. I have a hard time thinking positively in general (I don’t mean to) but it is something I struggle with and it’s a constant battle with me to change my train of thought. I just go into downward spirals. I am right behind you and getting my next scan the first week of December.
But I still try to change my thought process. I finally went back to work, and I just started working full time, TODAY! So that so far has been a great distraction from me. I got to stay busy when I feel up to I know that’s key as that really helps me stay distracted. I will be thinking about you and feel pretty confident your scans will be good! I have a good feeling! So if I were to take advice from myself: try and stay positive, instead of thinking about the what ifs or the bads, I remind myself of my joys and what I am grateful for (things that make me laugh and smile), and stay busy when you feel like it, keep distracted. Blessings to you.
PorterMust be something to do with the moon. I’m feeling the same way. I can see a big fork in the road coming and have no idea which way I’ll go or even how I will decide.
Duke
At the end of November, I will have a scan on exactly 9 months from the date of my resection at Mayo, and now that I’m off chemo, I am feeling pretty uneasy. I figured the chances of CC coming back while I was on adjuvant chemo was pretty slim, but I still managed to have “some” anxiety before my August scan. Now, it will be three months since I ended chemo and my anxiety is definitely more than it was before the prior scan on August 1.
I’ve spent about two months now feeling more and more back to my old self and have been enjoying life and each day, but I can’t shake off this feeling of hanging out on a limb. I”m definitely more teary again. I may make an appointment to see my psychologist again….though I don’t know what we’d discuss. I know I need to remember that there’s nothing I can change…and there’s no point in worrying…and I thought I had this under control, especially now that chemo is over, but apparently not. Sigh.
Just letting off some steam. I honestly don’t know that the anxiety will lessen until after the scan results come back…hopefully clean.
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