[Sensitive] End is getting closer?
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Michelle,
This is probably the hardest thing you and your kids have ever gone through. Be kind to yourself and each other. When children are involved in the day to day process of watching their father decline, it breaks my heart, though I’ve heard that kids are amazingly resilient. Still, I hope that hospice social worker and the school are giving extra special counseling to them now and in the future. I also hope that the teacher/principal is aware of the water bottle incident and will address it with that thoughtless kid. You have enough in your plate but I’m hoping the school doesn’t let that kind of thing go.
Your energy should be in loving and comforting your husband and kids. While I agree with Lainey that visit time should be limited, it would be cruel to altogether keep your husband’s parents away from him. His mom will figure out for herself that he is not able to stay awake long and simply needs quiet company. She may have loving things to say to him even if he can’t respond. The way you describe his condition makes me believe he is closer to passing than what hospice told you. All the signs are there, including withdrawing into himself, fidgeting, confusion, not eating/drinking. I do believe animals sense when someone is passing. The way your dog is behaving makes it seem like a spirit is there though I have always been a skeptic about ghosts but honestly can’t rule out the possibility. Last year I was in the hour by hour intense time of caring for my elderly Dad while he was passing. Hospice gave us vague timeline too, but it happened fast (within a week of signing him up for hospice). My siblings didn’t have time to get there. At my Dads assisted living, each resident has their own little apt. When Dad was within a day or two of passing, the resident cat started coming into his room. Never had before! We would often see the cat in the common/dining room and it always hung at night with another resident at opposite end of hall so I thought it was so strange that it was coming into Dads room. Being a scientist type, I kind of attribute this to maybe something that the cat could smell that Dad was giving off, like ammonia or other gas in Dads breath. Not really the same as how your dog reacting but I agree animal can sense things we can’t. Would like to think that a departed loved one or an angel is there comforting your husband.
My sister is the one with CC and though she is stable generally, her CC is not. She has a 10 year old son who will have to go through what your children are and that is the most painful anticipatory grief for all of us, including my sister. When it comes down to it, we need to love each other and have as much patience as possible with each other. That and stay on top of hospice with all your husbands symptoms so there aren’t delays in keeping him comfortable.
God Bless and comfort you,
WillowOh. Michele, I wish I could be there with you. I am in spirit, just believe that we are all with you. I think I had sent you that list of signs that the end is near? Michele I know this may sound harsh but it works. ANYONE who is not cooperating need not come to visit, you have enough to contend with. I let friends come for only 1/2 hour at a time and only 2 at a time. I stopped taking phone calls and instead sent out an email each night to friends and family telling what kind of day Teddy had. I am sorry but this is your time with your husband and children and that is a ton to manage and you don’t need ANY outside interference, I don’t care who it is. I remember I had a talk with my Rabbi and he said, “This is your time, you are the Boss!” it really was all I needed to hear. Bossy me became a bigger boss. As for the school kids, you can just imagine what kind of home that boy came from! About the dog, I have a little story. I knew a lady who had a daughter that went to school with my son. The daughter went for a bike ride, she was 19. We were to go pick the couple up and go to a party and when we got to the house it was about 5PM. She was so worried because ‘Nancy’ had been gone a couple of hours and that was not like her. The skies turned dark and it started raining. All of a sudden their dog went to the front picture window, stood on his hind legs and started moaning. He stayed at that window on and off for hours. Nancy never came home as she was attacked in a park. I am sorry for the sad story but felt it was a good example that pets do feel something. It’s like if you don’t feel well they can sense it and cuddle up in bed with you. PLEASE, Michele if you need to let out some stuff, anything, feel free to e mail me. I so know what you are going through! I am sending a ton of love and some huge hugs!
Feeling lost. My husband is sleeping more and more every day. When he is awake its like he’s not even with me. He doesn’t talk much and when he does its short answers. His appitite is small, he may eat a couple of bites for lunch and maybe the same for dinner if he eats at all. Drinking water has diminished to only 2 glasses a day. I have noticed when he sleeps his arms, hands and feet twitch a lot. The last 2 days i have noticed that he gets confused on things. Like our dog needed outside and he couldn’t figure out when it would want to go outside. And I had gotten him a fresh glass of water then when I walked away to take a shower he asked my daughter to freshen his water so she did then 2 minutes later he asked her to do it again. She asked him didnt i just get you fresh water and he told her no that is was water that I had gotten him hours ago. Then today his parents stopped by to see him and he didn’t remember.
Hes 134 pounds now. There’s nothing to him. I am so scared.
It seems like if something is going to go wrong its all happening now. Luckily I stepped out in the garage to talk with his brother on the phone today because I noticed the chimney pipe had a hole in it. My house would have burnt down if I wouldn’t have caught it.
My kids are having a hard time wanting to go to school. My daughter spent her first hour with the principal talking with him because she had a break down. My son has a stomach ache daily. Some of the kids make nasty remarks and they need to be slapped. The kid asked my daughter if he could have a drink of her water and she told him no that she didn’t need to get sick. He couldn’t see what the big deal was so someone told him she dont need to get sick then have her dad catch it. The kid had the nerve to say so whats the difference he’s going to die any way. She almost punched the boy in the face but the teacher pulled her away. What is wrong with kids? How could they say something like that? Makes you wonder what their parents are like. It took me everything not to call the kids house.
I made an appointment to get arrangements made at the funeral home for Tuesday. I can’t sleep because thats all I can think of. I just can’t believe this is happening. No one on his side of family has been much help except his brother. His mom is just plain crazy and wants to call and argue with me. She thinks if they want to come visit i should wake him up so they can visit him. I have been good at keeping my cool but not sure for how much longer.
I know he’s not going to be here much longer but still having a hard time excepting it. Hospice told me last week maybe 2 months but he’s declined a lot since then. I even noticed he’s looking yellow and so did others.
It’s getting harder for me to sleep at night then during the day I feel like I’m a walking zombie.I have a question. Some may think its weird but here I go. My beagle has been acting strange lately. He sniffs the air and even looks like something is there. Sometimes he acts like he’s following it. The other day he was even growling. When someone is getting ready to pass do you think its possible that loved ones that have passed are here waiting and my dog is sensing them. It kind of freaks my kids out when he does it.
Well I guess I should try resting. Have a tough day ahead of me.Best wishes and prayers to all,
Michele
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