Should I go to mom’s surgery?

It’s a tough recovery. But not impossible. She will def need lots of help after. No lifting, no cleaning, no driving… For 4 weeks for lifting. I think I was allowed to drive after 2 weeks. It all becomes hazy after 3 years.
While the risks of most of these surgeries isn’t overly high, I would make sure I knew what needs to be known. Where stuff is, will, power of attorney, etc. my parents knew I am a DNR. Give me drugs but do NOT put me on machines!! I’m single and have no kids, so that part is a no-brainer. And they know my wishes for cremation and what to do with ashes. I know it’s morbid, but it will be out if the way.

Lola,
When I had my surgery (not resection) my parents came up to be with me. They are 77 & 82, so it was hard on them. But they couldn’t not be here.
And I would plan on 5-7 days in the hospital.
I, too, bought an iPad, but mine is an iPad 2. It’s been great for lugging back and forth to doctors all the time. I had a laptop in the hospital, and wish I hadn’t had that extra 2 lbs in my bags when I was discharged!
If I was you, I would be going to the hospital, too. I would be a wreck if I wasn’t there.
Good luck to your mom. I hope she gets the cleanest of margins and an easy recovery.

Hi…when mom had surgery we were all there (4 kids) . Surgery was not successful in that they closed her back up rather than removing the tumor. Somehow hearing news via phone rather than being there wouldn’t have worked for me. Also we were warned a 10 percent risk of not making it through. We all wished her luck going in and were there for each other. But if one of the siblings couldn’t have been there, we would not have thought they loved mom any less. And mom would not gave wanted us to miss anything important to be there. We are fortunate that all live close by. It was the worst day of my life but I had my family. I guess one of the positives of this is that a close family has been brought even closer. No doubt that Mom knows how much we love her. I hope your Mom’s surgery goes smoothly.

Lola, All I can say is that if you want to go,….do it as it is as much for you to be there as it is them. And, if you “crack mentally,” it’s okay. It really sound like you do want to be there with them, but are afraid you will break down and make things worse. When my dad was airflighted to Mayo years ago, my brother did not make it up to the hospital before dad passed away (very sudden, aggressive cancer/large cell lymphoma). In retrospect, he wishes he had made the trip instead of waiting until dad passed.

When I had surgery on Feb 28th, we drove through a ground blizzard for 80 miles and only pea soup fog type visibility. Weather conditions continued to be horrible….19 degrees below zero making it dangerous to be on the road, in case you got stranded. So, for that reason, my husband and I both agreed that our only child/son, should not attempt the drive, no matter how much we wanted him to come or he wanted to be there with us. It was the right decision, but I half expected that my sweetheart son might ignore what we said and come anyway. However, I had told him that I needed to know he was safe..I didn’t want to worry about that too…..and that meant more to me to know he wasn’t risking his life on the road.

Before we left for Mayo, we quickly bought an i-Pad device so that we didn’t have to lug around a big laptop and as such, we had access to skype or facetime. While it isn’t the same as being there in person, I can’t begin to tell you how much it helped both my son and family and us to be able to SEE and talk to each other. Even my little grandson gave grammy on the iPad screen a kiss and told me he loved me. If you decide not to go after all andyou have an i-pad or laptop …and they do too, I would highly suggest setting up skype so that you can “be there” as much as technology will allow. It’s really pretty cool….because the iPad actually rings some tone and the Facetime session shows up. What did we do without technology?

The Skype and Facetime continue to be a great deal since I’m really trying to avoid catching anything new during surgical recovery….and in the future during chemo. Recently, our grandson caught strep…..so we have been doing Facetime again with the kids. Now our son probably has it also….so more Facetime instead of close contact. I need my family around and at least this allows us to stay in touch. We’re a small, but very close family. The Facetime and Skype allowed us to see each other and the kids could see changes every day in my recovery. And, it continues to put us all at rest to be able to see each other during the week

From a patient’s perspective, I was so glad my husband was there with me. I kept telling him over and over that I couldn’t imagine how hard it would have been without him there by my side. This isn’t just a walk in the park type of surgery. It’s frightening for the patient and everyone else. If you need to go, then go for yourself…and If you need to cry…then cry. If you think you’re getting out of hand, just excuse yourself to the bathroom, get a drink (I’m not advocating alcohol here…just a drink of anything liquid…as it tends to stop crying), take a short walk away from the scene and try to calm down before you step back into the room.

I hope that the experiences of my family might be of some help to you in making your decision. Whichever you decide to do…..do it with no regrets. Oh…and just one more point, if your mom is like most moms….she won’t want you to miss classes to be there. While that is admirable on her part, it isn’t a safety issue for you and if you feel you can afford to be away from the classes, then don’t let that stop you.

Julie