Six weeks since I lost my sweet husband

Mary,

What a wonderful post. You were able to express in words what so many of us feel but have a hard time explaining. Everything you said is so true and I know it will be taken to heart by all who read it.

Glad to know you are doing OK. Life will never be the same, but we do manage to go on as best we can.

Take care.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

Dear Laurie,
Six weeks is way, way too early to even imagine starting to feel “normal”! Sometimes I think it may take years, if ever. I lost my dear husband in Nov. 2011 after 5 1/2 years of fighting this cancer and 32 years of marriage. I and everyone else here understands all that you are going through. You simply have a whole in your heart and in your life that will never be totally healed. Eventually it won’t hurt so much , you will be able to get up every day and face whatever life throws at you but believe me you will never forget the love and life you shared with your husband. You will even be able to laugh and smile when you think of him… in time. The tears will still come but they will be a little less frequent. Your happy memories will help them subside. The first year is definitely the worse. All of the firsts you have to face. I thought I was doing pretty well then our anniversary came along and I cried for a week. I went to my first wedding without him, that was really hard…one of the hardest things I had to go through. The six month anniversary was also very hard for some reason. Hospice actually sent out literature at that point saying it was a hard anniversary. I never went to any support groups. It does help some people but I just kept very busy and tried to cope on my own. I think I’ve made it through the worst part of the grieving process. I can actually think of my future and not start crying or slip into depression. When Tom first died someone told me that my grief would never totally go away but it would get “lighter”. As hard as it is for you to imagine right now, it really is true. My kids and I sit and talk about their Dad and laugh about our memories of him. I catch myself saying or thinking of some of the “dumb” sayings he used to say and start laughing. I remember trying to come up with a word to describe my feelings about losing him. Saying that I “missed” him didn’t seem to express my feelings adequately. I even looked in the dictionary for a synonym for the word “miss”. I finally decided the best word was that I ” longed” for him. I longed to see him again and touch him and hear his voice. To sit and chat and laugh and hold hands. Even to argue with him. I still do and you will too. That desire will never go away as long as we live. We’ll miss sharing our lives with the person we planned on being with until we were both very old and very gray! I am thankful for the happy years we had but like you can’t help feeling cheated that it wasn’t longer. Laurie, all you can do is take care of yourself, try to find people you can talk to and let time heal your pain. It is hard to believe after just 6 weeks that life will ever get easier ,but it will. Please feel free to vent here whenever you feel the need! Love, Mary

Dear Laurie,

I so understand your feelings. It is so hard to understand and try to go on and live a “normal” life. People think we are fine and don’t get it that our lives have changed forever. You will eventually find a new normal. It won’t be what it was, but it will be OK. We never forget, but we do learn to go on and live our lives, one day at a time. I too try to be thankful for all the wonderful years we had together. Something many never have a chance to experience. When I feel down, I try to think of all the good times and memories and there were so many. More would have been better, but atleast I have that. I really don’t think others are capable of really knowing what it is like and how we feel. Unless it happens to them they can’t. Here we do. Especially since we are all dealing with the effects of the same disease. We know & understand better than anyone else, so please keep coming back. We are all here to listen, help and support each other.

Thinking Of You.

Love & Hugs,
Darla