Friday afternoon I had afternoon duty at school, I slambed a car door on my thumb, she stopped to find out what had happened. I figure that she made me feel uncomfortable when she went to remission, and my Wayne went to see Jesus. Now I make her feel uncomfortable because he did go up to see Jesus and she is no longer in remission. It hurts both ways.
Theresa, I am so sorry about your friend. Perhaps she is still dealing with her diagnosis and just doesn’t want to talk about it, especially to someone who has had the loss. It’s not you as a person but you may remind her of what her destiny could be. Hang in there and I am sure one day she will realize you could be a better friend than she thought. You know, I had mixed feelings when we found out Teddy’s final prognosis, when we were told he had months. I realized the ONC and the Rad man both knew for at least 6 months. At first I was upset that they didn’t tell us, then I was thankful as we had that 6 months to enjoy each other and life in a way we would not have, had we known. Look at you! You went through your Birthday and an Anniversary. You should be very proud of yourself, I am!
In the last two weeks I had a birthday, on 17th was 19 months since Wayne went to see Jesus, then the 28th was our 37th anniversary. A friend I work with suspected she had cc. Before she found out we talked all the time, gave each other hugs. She made me come to the realization that it wasn’t the doctors fault, that I had blamed since day one. I realized it might have been worse if we had known the truth of how long. I spoke to one of my therapist she said that was a big personal step for me. Then my friend found out that she does have cc, now she doesn’t want to even speak to me. Cancer is not transferred from one person to the next, if this was true we all would be dead. I have been in clinical depression for one and a half years, I have thought of suicide, I have a no harm contract with my therapist, to call someone if I feel I need to. I felt well coming to work today, until my friend (I know she is ill) wouldn’t speak or come near me. I always said I scare people for I have lived their future. I have my lows, then my real lows, my lows turn into real lows very fast, my therapist is out of the country until Monday, I might tonight call a member of my hospice group, I’ve cried alot today while I’m alone. This horrible monster want be happy til it kills us all.