Staying Strong!

Hey Chrissy! You and I are in the same boat…my husband was just diagnosed almost 2 months ago with this HORRIBLE disease….I FEEL JUST LIKE you do…in fact today….I threw my hands up in the air not to mention a few very nasty words and stated “I’m done!!!!!! NO MORE!” I cried so hard I thought I wasn’t going to be able to gain control again…I get so stinkin’ mad at Lee sometimes that I could walk out the door and never look back! I would never do it…but I swear…my emotions overwhelm me terribly and I am convinced that I cant do it one more minute…I positively hate this…when I got married…I never thought that the in “sickness and health” would mean this…I surely didnt sign up for it…but right about the time I think I am for sure going to lose it…a little ray of hope…a little blessing from above….the tiniest of miracles happens…and it gives me the courage and strength to carry on…not to mention my love for the Lord…I simply do not know how anyone can live without him…please just know that what you are feeling is very, very normal and I am here to cheer you on in any way I can..on your good days and your bad days…I will pray for you! And ya know what…take good care of yourself…even if you dont feel like putting on make-up, or soaking in a hot tub….do it…I fell into terrible depression but would do little things for myself like read a book I had always wanted too, when Lee sleeps I snooze, scrapbook here and there, indulge in a yummy gooey dessert and I noticed that if I dont always concentrate on Lee and a tiny bit on me…I feel better and look forward to a new day with Lee. I love this site too! I joined the day we found out the dreaded news…and I have been forever grateful…I feel like part of a family that God knew about and formed way before I would have even imagined!

Much love,

Heather

Hi Christina, Thanks for your response…it is worth the time! Another thing I think about is what you mention….for the doctors to see the patient recover and thrive, that is a blessing for them too. Tom’s main oncologist, Dr. C with the original diagnosis had told us to take a trip if we wanted to, Tom would probably never have a chance again. He said some chemo might be possible but was not very reliable. So we went to Chicago in summer of 2006. Then after that we did a second opinion consultation at the University of Washington/Hutchinson Center in Seattle. Had a great consultation there… and the guy we saw had just transferred up from MD Anderson, the major cancer center in Houston (?) He also said the tumor wasn’t operable but had more ideas about what chemo might give some help. But it wasn’t until almost 6 months later that Dr. H, the surgical onco said he was willing to try to remove it. Every time we see Dr. H, he just beams, says Tom is one tough guy, “see you in six months.” Tom also had a radiofrequency ablation to a spot in his lung, at that young radiologist just loves his work, is full of positive energy, and works with lots of new technologies. He says is such an “upper” to see the tumors shrink with what they can do. Then back to Dr. C again, last time we saw him before Christmas, he was grinning and shaking his head, said, “Tom I never would have believed it, with your original symptoms, but here you are.” Cancer apparently just folllows different patterns in different people. Dr. H the surgeon did say that if he’d waited much longer the operation may not have been successful. The dr’s really do need to see that their work is having an effect. Also whatever Dr. H learned from working on Tom, he is a stronger surgeon now because of it…so all contributes to the common good. I am glad to hear that your Chucks enjoys his car work and club involvment. Those are best things he can do for himself, just continue “being himself” not the disease. Tom is at a lull in his hobbies, and fighting depression, is on medication for that. One reason I want to move back to town is that there would be close by places we could go, even just to the grocery store or nearby restaurants, short trips that would change the scene for him but not be too exhausting. Our brains need different things to pay attention to, to help them heal psychologically. Well I’m so glad to have met you Chrissy…feel free to email me about faith and spiritual things, I need a boost once in awhile.

Hello Chrissy, so nice to meet you, and I read your story with much interest as the two of you had a similiar experience as we did. Now, we are in our 50s, and I am so sad to hear that CC attacks younger people…when you have so much ahead of you…so unfair. What I notice though is that your Chucks had surgery in Jan 2007 just like my Tom did and in same way he was originally told the tumor was inoperable, and then was referrred to a surgeon who looked at all the scans carefully and said he was willing to give it a go if my husband was. So here we are a year later…and Tom’s had no recurrence according to latest PET and CT scans. The surgeon took out the tumor and about 1/3 of Tom’s liver and some lymph nodes. Now about the anxiety; it just came in waves for my husband; the second six-month set of scans he felt even worse, even though the news was good. He couldn’t sleep for days before the scans and after his dr said it was OK to relax and have some good holidays, my husband could not shake his depression and finally went on anti depressants and anti anxiety meds and some counseling. He couldn’t shake the thought that “some day the news will be bad again.” He’s finally coming out of it and starting to get out of the house a bit, taking more interest in everyday things, although he has about 0 energy level. He also has prostate cancer. For me…I go through the “what if” ups and downs too. There isn’t any certainty except what you can create for yourself. I sure do feel for you. We are in similar boats on the same sea…Spend as much good times together as you can…find a counselor or support group where you can really open up and express your fears. It’s hard to know how much to reveal to your partner. I realized that my husband was keeping a lot of fear inside, seeming to be indifferent, but actually he was terrified. Part of that was from the news about the lymph nodes…almost all that the dr took out had no abnormal cells but a couple did. Over the months the fear of those “bad cells” floating around his body just took over. One thing that helps is do some things for yourself that have nothing to do with thinking about cancer, and same for Chucks, encourage him to have daily activities he enjoys that are “his” and don’t belong to the disease. Sometimes the fears will make me queasy and immobilized…but those times do pass. I don’t always read here at cc discussion, not as often as some people, but do check the board and will keep track of your story. I can sure relate to so much. Sarah

Chrissy…. Prayers to you and Chucks .I hope corrective surgery goes well !
I myself had to have a big ole hernia repair with a wire mesch put in due to so much chemo. Chucks surgery sounds a little more challenging but I’m sure he’ll do well after all he went through. He sounds like a very strong and determine Young man.
God Bless and Prayers,
Jeff G.

Sue,
please, continue to report about your well being as all of us cherish the wonderful news coming this way.
Marions

Chrissy,

I had surgery (right lobectomy and cholesystectomy) in January of 2007 for cholangiocarcinoma (my story is on here if you really want to read about my experiences). I am now almost 12 months past resection, and still show no signs of cancer return. My doc did not take any lymph nodes during surgery, nor did I have chemo afterwards. I have spent months worrying, expecting the cancer to return at any moment. I feel guilty that I am doing so well while others are not. I hardly even respond on this website anymore for this very reason, altho I read it every day. And I discuss my feelings with my doctor every 3 months when I get my CT scan. But, she has told me and told me (and I am starting to understand) that the cancer may return, but it may not. You cannot go everyday wondering if the shoe will drop tomorrow.

Now, that said, I still worry every day. I imagine facing the news that the cancer is back. I can have myself bawling in one minute flat when I start to worry about it. So, as time goes on, I try to think about it less and less.

You have to try not to worry about what may happen and start being happy for what has happened! Chucks has been given a gift, whether the cancer comes back or not. Please, I know how hard it is. But you have to try, for your sake AND for his. Hopefully it will get easier as time goes on. And until that other shoe drops (and maybe it won’t!!!), enjoy Chucks and the life together that has been gifted to you.

You are both in my thoughts and prayers.
Sue

Chrissy, Life is great. Thats why all of us on this site would like to see the miracle cure or at least extend our lives to be with our loved ones. Like I mentioned you have been through quite an ordeal. It has taken a toll on you physically and mentally and has scared you of the future. Chrissy don’t let this disease hold you captive and suppress you happiness and love of life. It’s understandable for Chucks to get angry and not wanting to talk about it. He himself is uncertain of his feelings and wants to do the manly thing and push on and be the strong. It’s normal not to want to talk about the scary posibility of the disease returning. I would still recommend attending some support groups or counseling to help you work through your fellings. These support groups are people just like you who are willing to share and learn coping skills. You can’t do it alone chrissy or it’ll eat away at you. These support groups are very friendly and supportive and don’t cost nothing. You are an amazing young lady and I’m sure the rock of Chucks life. Try a support group and give chucks time to process the reality of all this and time to regain some focus of life himself. A good support group would be great for him as well, but he has to be ready in his own mind. At this point and time he may not feel he needs any help. Chrissy having this disease and living with it can be quite a struggle on the human mind. Emotiionally you need an outlet and be able to express. I consider a life as a gift and isn’t really that bad. I say that today despite my disease and am going to live life to the fullest even if it is just for a little while or hopefully a long while. I wish You and Chuck only the best!
God Bless!
Jeff G.