Staying Strong!
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Chrissy…. Your feelings are quite natural. Everyone associated with this disease goes through all the what if emotions. Yes your a young couple just starting out. You have been through quite an experience to say the least. I’m sure you have been chucks rock during these tough times. Cancer is scary no matter how you look at it. This coming March 16th will be my 9th year fighting this horrible disease. During that time the love of my life has been right by my side thick and thin. She and my kids and grandkids have been my rock. I have sold three homes and bought two and moved across the US twice and started two new jobs in these nine years. As far as I’m concerned still going strong. We all know (family) that the day of my departure could be tomorrow or years from now. I insisted life goes on regardless. We will not be held captive by this cruel disease. Chrissy, I guess we all have different thresholds of tolerance in life. I’m sure you feel if you told chucks what your thinking would crush his will power to push on. I also sense that although you love him dearly, deep down you want more certainly out of life and your future. Well, Chrissy there is no certainy in life except for birth and death. Except between these events is a realm of hope , love, and the building of togetherness. You know although I’ve been fighting this disease for almost nine years, it has not been all consumable of the disease as I already mentioned. I guess I would be considered the lucky one for hanging in there for so long. I’m greatful to the lord for letting it happen but it has not been a bed of roses and I often wonder why me. Chrissy, I feel like I’m giving you a fatherly lecture and shouldn’t be rambling like this. I have always felt honesty is the best policy, especially with emotions. I would talk with chucks and let him know your feelings and how scared you are. Maybe you can visit a local support group and share your feelings with them before hand. Hopefully they can share some experiences and help you with your struggle of negative thoughts. It’s not easy giving any advise of this nature as I don’t personally know either of you. Maybe you have seen another side of chucks you didn’t know that exisited. Chrissy, again I would get some one on one or group counseling to search out your true feelings for chucks and the future. Two things I will say, is true love can provide guidance but is it the kind of love that will see you through. Also, living a life with uncertainy of commitment and openingness will without a doubt lead to misery. I hope you can work this situation out and make the decision you feel is right. I know if I was Chucks I would want to know how you felt and not start off togetherness with faslehood. Human emotions can be quite a complicated arena Chrissy; so don’t feel guilt or your a bad person. Just work it through hopefully with Chucks and I’m sure you both will come to the right conclusion as to what the future holds for your relationship.
God Bless You Both,
Jeff G.YOu are not a bad person, you are normal, this disease is overwhelming whether it is good news of bad news, but remember that good news gives the rest of us hope!
Hello everyone,
I have read and continue to read everyone’s posts and they keep me alive and strong.
My name is Christina and my Fiance was diagnosed with CC October 2006 at 29 years old. We have had a tough battle and continue to fight everyday. At first, the doctors told us the cancer was inoperable and to go home and enjoy the rest of his time with his family (can you believe that) I couldn’t. I went home and starting searching for doctors. We were referred to Nicholas Nissen, M.D. at Cedars-Sinai Med. Center who took the chance on him. The surgery was performed Jan. 5 2007. The surgery took 16 hours (can you believe it?) The doctor came out after midnight and told us that the surgery went well and he was able to remove the entire tumor but had to remove over 70% of the liver so recovering was going to tell all. Well, after 4 months of infections and stress in the hospital Chucks was released and has been doing well every since with the occasional trip back to the hospital. We have had follow up cat scans that show no sign of cancer. The Dr. says he would do it all over because of Chucks survival. He is a miracle. I tell Chucks he should feel blessed that a Dr. would take a chance on someone else because of him. It almost makes me want to cry.
I am soooo happy but worry a lot. During surgery they pulled 13 lymph nodes. Two of them were positive… now, normally I think procedure would have been to perform surgery and within a couple of weeks start chemo to kill any cells left in the body but for chucks he was too busy fighting for his life. They couldn’t do chemo because he would of died, he was just too weak. I am soo scared it will return and I am even more scared to express this to Chucks. I want so bad to be normal… you know? I hate that even though nothing is showing up on any cat scans… All I can think about is the cancer that might still return. I hate that it sometimes take me over and makes me feel helpless even now. I thank God that he has given me Chucks, my gift in life… LOVE. I am 23 and he is 30 years old. We were just starting our lives together and now I feel this uncertainty. We recently got engaged and I don’t want to be left alone.
I feel like a bad person. So much good has happened and all I can dwell on lately (in the last couple of months) is the negative. I feel depressed and weak. I am scared to do the normal things that I should be happy about like getting married or having babies (can you believe that?) I am just scared to do it alone, to be without him.
I am sorry for the long intro! Thanks for reading.
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