Struggling with loss
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Nancy, That was very well said. After 4 years, this is still how I am feeling too. Somehow we just keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking things as they come. One day at a time.
Alla, Just an interesting little side note. A woman who has become a very close friend of mine lost her husband a few months after Jim passed away. His name was also Marty.
He didn’t have CC, but our situations are so similar that we have become each others strength. When I realized your husband was another Marty I had to share that with you. Not sure what it means, but it is an interesting coincidence.Take care ladies.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaAlla, I have thought about your post a lot and after a year I would think I would know what to say but I don’t. You are right in saying that it is harder than imagined. I honestly do not remember much of the first few months. I continually challenge myself to enjoy life, be thankful for what I have and had, and take a day at a time. I take comfort in knowing Doug will be a part of me forever and I am a better person because of him. I try to find laughter in each day and try not to feel sorry for myself. It is a roller coaster ride and times when you think you are doing well, bam! The intensity and rawness do diminish though, and you put your grief in a different place and you start to live again. It seems at first you can not feel real joy, but one day you feel it again and you are thankful and you know your dear husband is right there cheering you on, for he does not want you to remain sad. I continue to talk about my husband (and to him as well- lol) because he was a huge part of mine and my children’s lives. I wish there was a magic potion but it does get easier with time. Your beautiful children will help you through. Hugs. Nancy
Alla…let us know if you continue to have problems with the download of the brochures. Good luck.
Hugs,
MarionYou are very welcome. As far as I know – they were and would be using the website for the donation. Lainy – tried to download the brochures – Internet Explorer keeps bombing off. I’ll try it through google chrome next…
Alla…on behalf of the Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation – thank you. Know that all of us are volunteers and that donations will only be used to further the cause of finding a cure and better treatment options for this disease.
I would like to mention though that donors need to specify the person to be honored and that return addresses have to accompany their letter. This does not pertain to those using our site for donations:
http://www.cholangiocarcinoma.org/donate.htm
But many times we are not able to thank the kind people not using our website. And, that breaks our heart.
Hugs,
MarionAlla, you are soooo right. Not only helpful but very much appreciated! I understand you can now download our brochures. I handed then out at Teddy’s Memorial. They really explain what CC is as no one can ever knoiw it the way we do! Might be good to pass them out when the Band plays or even at work. I give them to all my Doctors as well. We so appreciate anything you do!
Unrelated – forgot to mention that there should have been few donations in honor of my husband Marty Sanders to the cc foundation and more to come soon from my son’s marching band’ parents… Have no idea on the amount, but I’m sure anything would be helpful!
AllaOH, PAM, I so remember this story. BTW I hope you guys are safe and sound from Sandy!
Pennies from Heaven….About 3 months after Teddy’s Memorial I woke up with a song in my head, popular before I was born, “Pennies from Heaven”. It’s a song to cheer you up and to not be afraid. Told Teddy’s daughter and she said, “OMG, Dad used to sing that to us when we were little”. I have only found pennies maybe 2 -3 times. Teddy’s preference seems to be Music. He loved Music and all his kids are musically inclined as well.
Great story Pam, glad you told it.Alla,
Here is a post I wrote about “pennies from heaven” about a year and a half ago…..
“All of my life my Mom and Grandmothers told me about pennies from heaven. Every time we would find a penny Mom would say it was a message from heaven. We would speculate about which of our loved ones might have sent it.I’ve found numerous pennies since Mom died. I know it may be silly, but each seemed like an affirmation that she was looking out for me or just sending “an I love you” message.
On Saturday we were at my daughter’s house at Camp LeJeune (the Marine base in North Carolina.) My son-in-law is gone for 6 weeks for Movaje Desert Training at 29 Palms in California. We were hanging out with my daughter’s two bulldogs so she could attend a sorority alumni function in Greenville.
As you may remember when my Mom got sick, we moved my daughter’s wedding up so her grandmother would be there. They were extra close to each other since Liz is the only granddaughter out of 4 grandchildren (and was my Mom’s last chance of having a granddaughter).
As you’ve probably heard by now North Carolina was rocked by tornados on Saturday. As we were leaving Liz’s house to travel back to New Bern before the storms hit we were helping her put up the yard furniture and grill. She had already gotten her flashlights ready and put a blanket and pillow and dog leashes in the downstairs bathroom. Just as we got in the car I told my husband we needed to move some large flower pots on the front porch close to the side of the door. He moved the first pot and then was called by Liz. As I bent to move the second pot I found a penny. I picked it up and told Liz not to worry her grandmother would be looking our for her and the bullies.
That night an EF-3 tornado torn through the military housing complex of Terrawa Terrace. 12 homes are completely destroyed, another 40-60 are structurally unsafe and another 40-60 have mild to moderate damage. Only one serious injury, a 23 month old that is in critical condition.
It appears the tornado jumped across Liz’ house and there is only mild to moderate damage to her house and car. I was on the phone with her and it was a scary time. Houses in front and behind her had significant damage.
She and the bulldogs are staying with us until the power is restored. I thank God she was safe and knew what to do!
And the penny?…….is now with my daughter….who carries it with her everywhere….
Hugs!
PamAlla, things won’t happen daily but try and look for the other things I mentioned as well. Say, time for them to give us a raise and send dollar bills! I never had lots of pennies but once there was a cinnamon candy, I LOVE cinnamon, it was really weird how that showed up. Just be patient, it will all come.
Oh, Alla, it is true. At least I am a big believer and we have many here who do believe. By believing, it gets me through, to feel that Teddy is all around me. In fact I have kept a log and when I feel lonely I just read the log. Besides pennies, watch for things electrical, like, the television going louder and softer, lights blinking, songs that may come on the radio at times like seeing friends or family. Our Darla has had lights going off. When you take pictures look for Orbs/Globes. They are round, mostly transparent and white in color. One of the very first books I read about the beyond was by Sylvia Brown the Psychic who really gave such beautiful explanations. “A Psychics Tour of the Afterlife”. All we have to do is believe and our boys will be here.
Alla,
I agree and can only reiterate what Pam has already said. It is all so true. Just want you to know I am thinking of you and do know how you feel and what you are going through. We are all in this together. Take care.
Love & Hugs,
Darla
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