Thanking everyone who responded !
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Why do some people get hit so hard with tragedy? I am so sorry for all you are and have gone through. It really isn’t fair and it is no wonder your husband is feeling the way he does. He is probably worrying about you too!! No matter what our circumstances are one thing I have learned since we started on this journey through cancer is that there are always people that have a worse situation than us. It is heart wrenching to see what people go through! I just hope and pray that you can find something that works for Bob both physically and mentally. The Drs. have often offered anti-depressants to my husband but as of yet he has not needed them. He is very special because he says he simply doesn’t “think ” about it. I personally have felt the need for them at times because I do think about it and read about it and it is impossible to not get depressed. Just be sure to take care of yourself too. You have your own battle to fight and you need to do what you have to for your own health!! Please let us know if we can be of any more help to you. At least you have a support group here that knows what you are going through. God bless. Mary
Rhonda,
I read in your post something I can identify with – a something I have heard very little about from other carers.My husband was a lovely kind and completely non-aggressive man, yet during his illness he was often unkind to me and occasionally to the children. I have read on other boards about sufferers who are vile to their loved ones. I think that he felt angry about what had happened to him, scared and unhappy and I was the closest (and the strongest) person to express it to. I believe that one reason for his anger was his belief that throughout his life he had always put other people’s needs before his own. He thought that this was a one of the causes of the cancer – that he internalised anger and other strong emotions.
There was nothing I could do about it. Occassionally I reacted and got angry myself. Now of course I regret it greatly… but I am not beating myself up about it because I know that if my husband were able to reflect on what happened, he would also feel very sorry about how he behaved at times.
This is an appalling illness and changes everything in a relationship. All we carers can do is our best.
I hope that help a little,
Good luck to you and your husband
Patricia.Hi Rhonda,
My husband was dx on Oct. ’05 at the age of 39. He had gone through bouts of depression so his oncologist referred him to a therapist; prescribed depression meds and anxiety pills (klonopin). He sees his therapist once a month, love and support from family and friends and prayers even from strangers my husband talks to, helps him keep on fighting.
Take care,
Edith ( Hoskins family )
This is Rhonda again Bob’s wife. Thank you for the responses and good wishes. This seems like a very caring group and I am glad to have found you all.
To answer a question, Bob did not get clear margins through surgery, that’s presumably why the Docs did the chemo and radiation as soon as possible after surgery. Apparently the chemo and rads had some good effect also, because he did have almost a year without too many bouts of ill health. That is until just before this past Christmas.
Last Tuesday was Bob’s first chemo treatment in office and he is taking Tarceva pills at home. He has reglan and ativan that he can use for nausea, be if he does not time the dose right he will still vomit. Sometimes he will anyhow ! I called his Doc and now Bob also has supositories, which Bob will not consider unless he’s in dire straights ! With the meds for nausea, when he takes them he is pretty dopey and sleeps alot, so I guess it is a trade-off.
Bob is also extremely emotional and you just can’t predict what will upset him. I should be clear he is not an angry man, he has been having crying jags. I feel so bad for him and I know this is all very hard to deal with. I do have a unigue prespective because I fought my own fight with cancer of the breast ,in june I had a double mastectomy. I know it’s not the same and that atleast my cancer is well known and documented treatments are all around. I do feel that it helps to have been through the chemo and rads and have an idea what he is,atleast physically going through.
I am open to any suggestions on helping Bob in anyway possible! If in the mean time I can offer an ear for anyone else, I will be honored to do so .
Chemo again tomorrow, I hope Bob’s blood counts are high enough for
treatment.
Be Well, Rhonda
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