January 19, 2012 at 4:35 am #56714wallsm1Participant
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.
SusieJanuary 19, 2012 at 4:27 am #56713pamelaParticipant
I am sorry to hear about the passing of your dear Mum. I don’t look at it that she was in denial about facing death. I look at it that she never gave up hope. That is the one thing everyone suffering from this disease has-Hope. I hope you don’t mind me saying this. I don’t look at it as you supporting her denial. I think you were trying not to diminish her hopes to survive this terrible disease.
I am sorry that she was so scared before she passed. How comforted she must have felt with you there to hold her. I cannot imagine having to go through that. Take comfort in knowing you made her last moments peaceful and full of love. Take care Maria. I hope your pain eases soon.
Love, -PamJanuary 19, 2012 at 2:22 am #56712mlepp0416Participant
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. Losing a parent (or any loved one is never easy)
I lost my husband from CC on 11/20/2011 so I know the grief and pain that you are going through. As time goes on it will get easier, and you will hold your mom close to you in your heart and your mind.
The only time your mom will truely be gone is when people who loved her stop talking about her or stop remembering her. Speak of her often!
At my husbands funeral our friiend Dennis told the story about the Dash. It’s not the date of birth or the date of death that is important (My husband Tom 1947 – 2011) but it’s the dash between the dates that is important because the dash represents the person’s life and what he/she did with their lives during the time that they were living! So the DASH is what we should focus on!
That thought has helped me through many rough days. When I’m having a rough day I start thinking about The DASH and how Tom lived his life…it really helps cause I find myself remembering his LIFE, not his death.
Go with God and my prayers are with you and your family in your time of grief.
MargaretJanuary 19, 2012 at 1:32 am #56711nancy246Participant
Dear Maria, My thoughts are with you and your family. Don’t feel bad about playing along with your mom’s denial. Everyone approaches death differently and if that is what she needed that’s okay. Sounds like her last hours were peaceful and how special for both of you to be able to hold her as she left this world. She is with you forever and you with her.
Hugs. NancyJanuary 19, 2012 at 12:57 am #56710darlaParticipant
I too am sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. Be comforted knowing you did your best for her and helped her through to the end. She is now free of the pain and suffering and will be with you foreve in your heart and memories.
Take care and keep coming back. There is a lot of help and support here. Thinking of you and your family at this sad time.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaJanuary 19, 2012 at 12:48 am #56709RandiParticipant
So sorry to hear of the passing of your beloved Mum. I was with my mother the last days of her life as she died of lung cancer. I think of that time as a blessing, a way I could help her with her journey and assure of things she needed to have assurance of. It’s not an easy thing to experience but I would swap it for anything. I think back and relive that time often and feel just as close to my Mom when I do.
I am glad you posted to this site even after it would seem you had no need to come here again. We are here for you at this difficult time. I hope that the wonderful memories that you have of your Mum will serve to comfort you in the difficult days ahead.
-Randi-January 19, 2012 at 12:47 am #56708peonyMember
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Your story really touched me. You and your mom are both lucky that you were able to be together the end. I’m sure your holding her helped her passing and brought comfort to both of you.
I’m in awe of your strengh and pray for you and your family.January 18, 2012 at 11:12 pm #56707gavinModerator
I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your mum. Please accept my sincere condolences. You did everything possible for your mum, and I know how much that would have meant to her. I too was there during my dads last days and hours and I can so relate to what you went through with your mum. I know that this is such a tough time for you right now, but please know that we are all here for you. My thoughts are with you and your family right now.
GavinJanuary 18, 2012 at 9:36 pm #56706lainyParticipant
Dearest Maria, I am deeply sorry to hear about your Mother but know that you are the daughter every Mother would want! You were just as courageous as she was and in my mind you guided her through to the end and no human can give more than you did. You ahvemany wonderfull things to remember her by but most important is that Mother’s never really leave their children and you will feel her all around you.
You were very lucky to have that special love shared between daughter and mother. I believe that in Heaven there is no time. There is only the moment. The beauty is that one day, you will meet again, no time will have passed. There is a reason why pain is meant to be part of our journey. It allows us greater depth of feeling which also allows greater heights of joy.January 18, 2012 at 8:20 pm #6224mkParticipant
My amazing 59-year- old mother lost her 22-month battle on New Year’s Eve. I spent the last two weeks of her life with her at the hospital. She was admitted in order to get a stent for her jaundice but it was immediately clear that the jaundice was the least of her problems. Ascites had taken over her body and was building up very fast. My mum never got the stent and was put on Lasix but this did not help her get rid of the fluid.
It was shocking for me to have to feed and clean my mum, who’s been the strongest person I’ve known. But there were two things in particular that were the most painful.
First, the fact that she believed until almost the end that she could make it and she kept asking what more she could do to get better. I believe it was her choice to deny the possibility of death, despite the evidence, but having to play along and support her denial still felt like the ultimate betrayal.
But worse of all was the fact that she was scared, when she realised that she was dying on her last day – I was amazed to realise that what they say is true: both carers and patients can feel the end when it comes. She kept asking me to hold her tight so that I guard her against the death that was approaching her; she asked me to help her calm down. But apart from reassuring her that she will be ok, I was completely helpless. I can only hope that she found peace in her last few hours, when she stopped talking to me.
The moment of her death, however, was the best we could both get in that situation. I lied next to her and hold her for the night, as she asked me to, and she died while sleeping in my arms. I know that the image of seeing her leaving this world will haunt me in the future but for me it was also the ultimate expression of love.
I’ve thought that when my mum would die, I would never visit this site again. But I so much want how all the people in this forum are doing that I haven’t stopped checking it out. Once again, I’d like to thank you all about all the info and support you offer. Having read all these posts, I could better understand and trust the doctors and therefore I was calmer and ready for the end.
You are all in my mind and heart. I will keep sending all my positive thoughts and energy to you. Thank you and bless you.
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