The funeral

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    Hi Duke and Lainy,

    Glad you understand what I mean. yes I must remember that people do mean well.

    You are right Duke. I would have thought it was crazy too til I saw it for myself. Kind of like trying to explain the sensation of color tv to someone who knows only radio.

    But I had to get to a certain place with grief, where it was like a pair of familiar pajamas instead of a barrier, to really open up to this.

    So true Lainy when you say they can’t heal us but do immerse us in comfort. I know John also tries to give me guidance I ask for but I’ve told him he really needs to make it a little more obvious for me sometimes!



    Margaret, I really think you hit on something, I love that too! “Broader comprehension of reality”.


    Margaret –
    I’m sure this person meant well and was trying to comfort you the best way they could. But, until you’ve been there. they cannot understand.

    “Broader comprehension of reality.” Maybe we need to weave that in earlier when new people join us. It really covers a lot of territory.



    Thanks Lainy. You’re sweet.

    yes, I feel my hubby’s comforting presence also when I’m having a tough time. I’m glad you could feel Teddy with you for the tooth ordeal.

    I tried to explain this to someone recently and they said “what a great attitude.”

    I left it at that — figured it wouldn’t make sense to explain it’s not an attitude, but rather a broader comprehension of reality!


    Gee, Margaret, I thought you said it better! Out of body experience hit home. Know what, he has been around more this week than in the last 6 months. I had a tooth pulled and have not been feeling so good and I now realize they cannot heal us but they can sure be by our side when we are the well!! It’s like that was not ‘us’ sitting there. The world was moving but we were onlookers.


    Hi Sammi,

    I can understand your feelings. I have to say my husband’s funeral felt so wrong — why were we having this service/reception when he wasn’t even there to be part of it? It was an out-of-body experience for me.

    I too felt like my husband was gone and the world seemed so foreign and wrong to me without him.

    It wasn’t until I’d gotten more accustomed to my sadness and my grief, that those feelings began to morph into something else — I began to “feel” my husband’s presence with me always.

    Lainy has said it very well.

    I’m sorry.



    Dearest Sammi. Dad is not in the coffin, everything he has will be with you! His spirit, his soul and his love for you. All you have to do is close your eyes and feel him all around you. I had a funny feeling pass over me at Teddy’s Memorial. All of a sudden I wondered what I was doing there? Why were all these people there. My Teddy was healthy and safe and happy and he was with me in my mind and in my heart. You can do it and if not, it is not a test where you will pass or fail. Just be you and Dad will like that best.


    So, after just over two weeks of waiting, it’s my Dad’s funeral tomorrow. And yet, now I’m not ready for it.

    It has felt like an age after his death but now it’s upon me I can’t deal with the reality and finality of it.

    I’m terrified of seeing the coffin knowing my Dad is in it. I’m scared of saying goodbye and that’s it, even though I did this in the hospice.

    Just wanted to share my thoughts and fears with people who understand :-(.


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