The Holidays and CC
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All I can say is you are a wonderful daughter. As my parents aged I found the most difficult thing was to advise them what to do as they were always so independent. Eventually they see you are doing what you do because you love them!
I just spoke with my aunt and explained the whole thing to her and how i’m probably not giving my parents as much credit as they deserve. We’re going to work for a middle ground for the group gift idea she had, so that we can make sure that my parents dont feel uncomfortable receiving the gift.
Thank you all for your opinions and insight. Sometimes I get stuck in thinking that my parents are the same people they were before the diagnosis. The fact is, we are all different people now, and i’m sure my parents will appreciate the offering moreso now than they would have before we found out my dad’s situation.
You are very right, Cathy. I think i’m finding it hard because i see things from both sides and didnt know exactly how my parents would feel about the offer. iI think i need to give our extended family the opportunity also to help out — im sure they feel as helpless as we do in the situation. I love the idea of the family dinner with the gift certificate…i will absolutely suggest this to my parents if they begin to feel awkward about the generous gift.
You are all so helpful in seeing things from different points of view—and i thank you so much!!!
Hello Gracefulmeadow, as a cancer survivor I have learned to let people do things. My chemo and radiation really didn’t “knock the wind out of my sail”, so I could still take myself, but people really wanted to do that. They just want to be there for you, this is as much there disease as is is yours. Your parents can use there gift certificate to host a family dinner for all the aunts and uncles who gave, I am sure it would help them feel good. You have to step back and let people help, its a great circle. Keep you in our prayers- Cathy
Lainy – thanks for the perspective on it. I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday and wasn’t sure if i did the right thing. I do think my heart was in the right place not wanting to make my parents feel uncomfortable, but that they may benefit even more from the kind gift our extended family is offering. I think I will call my aunt back today and tell her that what she is suggesting would be very nice, but to make sure they aren’t going to skip out on other peoples gifts just for my parents — i think that is what would most make my parents feel bad…like the cancer is ruining other people’s holidays…you know?
Hello Miss Graceful, I have long been accused of not letting friends and family help me! So I am trying very hard to change that. When we got Teddy’s prognosis in June EVERYONE was calling to take us to dinners. I let them. You see, people don’t know what to do and they need to do something, it’s human nature of good people. I would reconsider and tell your Aunt it is lovely to do that and IF they are not able to eat out tell your Aunt a meal brought in would also work.
Hi all,
I had a conversation with my Aunt last night regarding my dad’s CC (who is now officially on Long-term disability) and Christmas gifts. She wanted to know my opinion of instead of exchanging gifts with all of the aunts/uncles (6 couples) this year, that they all wanted to help out my parents by putting their money together and getting them a big gift certificate to their favorite restaurant. It was such a sweet offer that came from their good hearts.
My only issue, is that (and I told my Aunt this), knowing how my parents are, I think a gesture like that would make them uncomfortable. They would absolutely be super thankful for it and everything, but they are very proud, self-sufficient people and they dont like to be treated differently. I think the thing that my dad wants now is to feel normal…especially around the holiday, he’ll want to feel like he doesn’t have this cancer.
Do you think I did the right thing? I think i bummed my Aunt out some, but i think it was in my mom and dads best interest to keep things where there’s some normalcy. They aren’t struggling financially at the moment since my mom is still working and his long-term disability is decent from his job…. It was a hard position to be put in and I just wanted to get your opinions on the subject. It’s so difficult to balance normal life and traditions in our family with all of the cancer-talk and worries.
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