January 5, 2010 at 2:55 am #34067hope2305Member
You and your family are in my prayers…think about happy times with your mom, at least now she no longer in pain, no more suffering.
My 84yrs old mom was just diagnosed after a 2nd ERCP with Cholangiocarcinoma and today we were told it’s Whipple surgery or that’s it- so my mom, with tears in her eyes said: I’m ready to go home, no more pain, I refuse the surgery since they outcome at my age is so risky and I have to accept her decision, although it breaks my heart to see her suffering so much.
I have 2 kids, one husband who’s commuting daily 4h and the only help is from GOD!
And I’m learning to accept that HE is the only one who can heal or as painful as it sounds, take us back home.
Again, please accept my deepest sympathy and may GOD give you the strength to overcome this time of sorrow.January 4, 2010 at 1:57 am #34066elib03Member
I too lost my mom this year. I send my heartfelt condolences to you and your entire family. This cancer is vicious! Christmas was hard for me too. Every holiday since her death has been hard. Your post made me go back and count the weeks that we had with my mom from the time of diagnosis. We had 9 weeks with my mom. She was diagnosed on July 1st, she was 54. I feel as if I am suffering from post traumatic syndrome after taking care of my mom and watching my mom suffer and eventually pass to her next life. Those memories and that part of your life will change you. But please take time to grieve it helps. There is nothing to say to help you through this horrible time. But I can say you are not alone, and eventually you will be ok, never the same but ok! Take care of yourself, Elicia-December 31, 2009 at 11:46 am #34065jcleggMember
Another voice to chime in and offer my condolences. We have suffered terrible losses collectively, and understand how you are feeling. As time goes by, you will be so glad that you were able to be there for your Mom and that she was able to remain at home. You can indeed think of that as a final “gift” to her. My thoughts and prayers are with you now as you grieve your loss.
Joyce C.December 31, 2009 at 6:26 am #34064beth-oParticipant
there are so many beutiful posts I have read. I am glad you landed on this web site. I am a new member and I am overwhelmed by the support here. There are also many answers about the disease too. So, search and ask.
I’d also like to share that after placing both of my grandparents and my father on hopsice and being able to keep them in the place they had called “home” I later had the distinct honor of holding each of them as their spirit left and their body slowly took its last breath. As time has passed I think of it as a final gift I was able to give to them. Helping them to remain comfortable, in control and their dignity intact was a gift to me as well. As a patient, I hope that when the time does come, (my plan is many years from now) that my husband is able to do the same for me.
Welcome and good job.
Beth ODecember 30, 2009 at 9:10 pm #34063katieloumattMember
Welcome to this fabulous supportive board. I know exactley how you are feeling. My Dad died at the end of June this year, 7 weeks after diagnosis.
He had a failed liver resection and never regained concsciousness. He died 9 days after his surgery….
The pain you are feeling right now is raw and agonising. In time you will start to smile again and remember your Mum and cherish her memory.
She will live on in your heart for ever.
Thinking of you and your family, KatieDecember 30, 2009 at 6:23 pm #34062gavinModerator
I am sorry to hear about your mum. I know what you are going through right now as I lost my dad 3 weeks ago. It sounds like you did a great job in caring for your mum and being there for her throughout her journey. I did the same for my dad and was with him every step of the way.
Please come back here often as you will get lots of support from all of us.
My thoughts are with you and your family right now.
GavinDecember 30, 2009 at 6:15 pm #34061sharon_teammarianMember
My mom was diagnosed in July 2009 and is now approaching the end of her life. She too chose not to actively pursue chemo and radiation and was lucky to have a few “good” months before falling very ill again.
I am glad you have a sister to stand with you. It sounds as though you both put your mom first and took care of her to the end. My mom says to us often that it is testimony to how she raised us that we are all there for her near the end.
I hope you find some comfort and answers here. It is a place full of wonderful and supportive people.December 30, 2009 at 4:50 pm #34060darlaParticipant
I can only echo what everyone else has already said. I too am so sorry for your loss.My story is similar to yours and many others. My husband was only ill for 7 weeks before he passed and I found this site a few days later. It has helped me tremendously and will be of help to you too. The support and understanding of everyone here is just wonderful. I know how hard it all is. Try to be thankful that your Mom is now in a better place, no longer suffering. She will be with you forever in your heart and memories. Grieving is not an easy road to travel and is different for everyone, but you don’t have to do it alone. We are all here for you. Come back often for comfort, strength and support or just to vent your feelings. Take care Kay & know that I am thinking of you.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDecember 30, 2009 at 3:13 pm #34059saraMember
Big hugs to you all. I wish no one had a reason to google “bile duct cancer” or “cholangiocarcinoma.”
My oldest sister died suddenly in a car accident in 1992. One of my closest friends, Kelly Lester, died from cholangiocarcinoma in 2006. Having experienced the shocking death from my sister’s car accident, and the year-long death that Kelly endured, I would prefer facing the car accident every single time. The grieving is different in both circumstances, with most of the grieving in Kelly’s case happening before she died. Regardless, it took me months to manage the pain in both cases, and years to finally learn how to live with it and remain focused on the fun stories rather than the end story. And in both instances, I think the journey evolved rather than ended. I rather like how my journey with Kelly evolved into joining Stacie, Rick, Marion, and numerous doctors in the pursuit for the CURE. I like to think that Kelly alternates between being proud of these efforts, and making fun of me for being so ridiculous at times.
I wish you all my very best, and hope your journeys soon evolve into more happy days than sad ones. All our love and support goes out to you.December 30, 2009 at 2:36 pm #34058tanolandMember
You were awesome to be there for your mom. God puts us here to take care of the ones we love when they get sick. We have to help them die. It’s so sad. I am sad for you. It’s not going to be easy but if you just know in your heart how good you are for helping her…it will help you.December 30, 2009 at 2:32 pm #34057devoncatParticipant
Welcome Kay and Jeri,
I am so sorry the two of you had to find us. It is a sad and far too common problem that diagnosis is followed too quickly with your loved ones passing. This cancer hides well until often there is little you can do.
The more you read on this cancer, the more you will discover that you did everything you could. Do your best to remember your loved ones before cc.
KrisDecember 30, 2009 at 1:49 pm #34056cherbourgParticipant
I’m so sorry you had to find us. I know how hard it is to lose a parent. I lost my Mom April 3, 2009. She was diagnosed in May of 2008. I’m STILL trying to remember what “normal” is(was). Grief, I’m finding is a much longer, more difficult road than I ever imagined it would be. It’s hard but I know I’m slowly finding my way.
Your Mom must of been so very proud of her girls. You both are a beautiful legacy of what a wonderful woman she must have been. That you both were so caring and loving to her in her journey, speaks volumes of how she raised you.
I also have to say your signature line is a beautiful thought. I made a copy of it to hang above my desk.
Please come back often. You can use the search forum and find answers to questions or do an author search and follow anyone’s individual journey.
We are all here (both patients and caregivers) and ready to help.
Much love and many hugs….
PamDecember 30, 2009 at 1:27 pm #34055lainyParticipant
Dear Kay, we are so very sorry to hear about your mom. You will find a ton of information on this site by reading older posts or by using the search button at the top of the page. It is very normal to feel idle now and by reading up on CC you may get some closure. We are all here to answer questions for you and for you to lean on us as much as you want.
I always say mom’s never leave their children and your mom will be all around you in heart and mind. Our prayers go out to you and your family.December 30, 2009 at 12:28 pm #34054jerpursiMember
I am so very sorry about the loss of your Mom! I lost my husband of 17 yrs after he was Dx on Dec 18 and then passed away March 28 2009 , I also cared for him at home. I have a little boy who is 8 and so this terrible cancer has completley rocked both of our worlds! I know the place you are at right now and I wish I could tell you that it gets better right away, but I do promise that time will eventually ease the terible hurt ! The first month for me was just numbness and shock. Then came the grief that would hit just about anytime or anywhere! I am very blessed with a wonderful part of my husband in my sweet dear son and together we are moving forward! Please try to remember the good times with your mom and know that you are not alone!
JeriDecember 30, 2009 at 11:41 am #34053cinnaminParticipant
Kay, I’m so very sorry. May the memories of your Mom bring you comfort and peace. You and your family are in my thoughts
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