June 15, 2016 at 2:31 pm #92403sherriMember
So sorry to read your post. I have read your past postings many times and they gave me hope when I was down. To read about someone who has won this battle like you for 5 yrs gave us hope. Thank you for taking the time to post and share your journey.
You keep fighting, and stay strong. Sending lots of prayers your way.
SherriJune 15, 2016 at 12:54 am #92402herculesModerator
Dear Sandie, I have read your posts over the years, and you have always been a special survivor, and you lived life, and took vacations and made every day count. That is what you must continue Sandie, don’t count the days, make the days count. May god continue to bless you, PatJune 10, 2016 at 3:21 am #92401lainySpectator
YES, Sandie, I understand. Although it was not me with the CC it was my husband but we were bonded together as one!
First my Dear Sandie, I have to disagree just a little with a couple of items. You have valiantly fought and won battles it has been only the end you will be loosing. AND really, you have not lost that, as you are going to be in a place far more beautiful and peaceful than you can ever imagine. I know from my Teddy and from others on our Board who have heard from their loved ones that they arrive healthy and find it the most beautiful place to be. You will be greeted by many including family and friends. You are NOT a loser you are a winner by the way you have handled yourself with grace and dignity.
If you can read the prose below it really describes what I feel:
Death is nothing at all. It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened.
Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner.
All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
By Henry Scott Holland
Sandie, if there is anything at all I can do to help you please write to me. I am sending you all the best and wishing for a comfortable and peaceful journey from your 5 years of battle, as a true warrior you deserve the beauty you will see. Sending you much love!
THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME! Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.June 10, 2016 at 2:44 am #92400darlaSpectator
I know there is no way to understand completely how you are feeling not having been there myself as it was my husband who lost his short battle with this disease, but I do know that you have gotten this far with grace & dignity and wherever this road leads you I am sure you will do the same with whatever you are given.
Know that we are all here to help and support you in any way that we can. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I too wish for you comfort and peace.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaJune 10, 2016 at 1:37 am #92399middlesister1Moderator
Without being in your place, I don’t have the ability to understand, but can say that my heart goes out to you and I am thankful that you are surrounded by love. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and from your posts on this board, I have no doubt that if your battle ends tomorrow or 50 years from now, you will be missed and remembered by all those whose lives you touched. I hope we hear that you still have some more battles to win for the good side.
Wishing you comfort, peace and lots of love,
CatherineJune 10, 2016 at 1:22 am #12506sandie-in-franceMember
I was diagnosed in November 2011. I always knew I would lose the war, I just didn’t known when. I have won a lot of battles along the way and have exceeded the expectations of many medical professionals. Today I learned that now the cancer has spread, I only have a few months until the war is finally over and I know I am going to be the loser.
I’m not sure how I should feel. I am sad. I feel lonely (although I am surrounded by love),. For the first time during this journey I feel a little cross. I feel energised because I know I still have fight in me. I don’t want to sleep, but I am so tired. I don’t want to cry and I don’t feel a need to cry. Suddenly, although I know I don’t want to die, I don’t know what I want. I look in the mirror and know I look well, I look bright and happy and my eyes are sparkly and my smile ever present. I don’t understand why I don’t look ill. I feel physically weaker and have done for some time, but that doesn’t seem to bother me most of the time. I want to talk all the time about anything and everything. I want to know where I will go. I want to know who will come to my funeral and I want to hear what they say. I want to give everyone a cuddle. I want to laugh and giggle. I want to be naughty. I don’t feel normal but I don’t feel abnormal, I’m not sure I know what either state is. Most of all, I feel confused and disturbed. I cannot see through a mist or hear through a constant buzzing.
Does anyone understand?
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