Today has been a very bad day

Dear Patsy,
I know exactly how you feel – that is exactly what I went through. Many times, I never figured out what triggered the grief. It does get better, though, I can assure you, It has been 4 1/2 months since my husband passed and I am still sad – I think I always will be, but the pain isn’t as agonizingly bad as it was early on. I am enjoying my Grandchildren again, and enjoy my work (well – sort of!), and I still think of him very, very often, but now I can think of the good times, and the happy years more often, and not those terrible last few weeks. Thse terrible images kept popping up in my mind in the early weeks following his passing, and those memories were not good. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Here is one more poem —

Interregnum

The span between life and death
Can be as quick and sudden
As a puff of wind
That blows out a candle.
But the candle doesn’t suffer
After the darkness comes
It is the person
Left in the dark room
Who gropes and stumbles.

Helen Duke Fike

I will be thinking of you,

Joyce C.

My best to you Patsy-

I totally understand and do not feel like the same person since my Mother “left”. I have found there there is a serious wave-life cycle to my grief, and at first it is by the minute, then by the hours, but the part of the day, then by the day, the week, and the month. What I have also found is that this analogy to the ocean is pretty hard to shake.

Recently, when not processing my emotions outwardly because my counselor was away and I was extremely busy and felt that no one understood (including supportive friends, family, and my husband), like a rogue wave it hit me while sleeping and I sat straight up and burst into deep grieving tears.

It is always there, even if we don’t acknowledge it, and I have found a way to accept that. At times, when I can no longer feel, I am once again humbled by it and I feel closer to my Mom and often angry all at once.

To help myself transition I let it all go and listen to one of her favorite songs (by Carly Simon). Some days are just bad days and we have to accept that. It hurts whenever we are open to it and you must have been ready to move through healing a little more when you wrote this.

You are not alone . It’s just part of the process and yes it sucks. I am accepting the reality all over again myself. I will go on from this and try to live fully; that’s what they would have wanted for us. -ljg

Here is another one for you Patsy: Comfort is wished for you with better days ahead.

To my dearest family, some things I’d like to say.
But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I’m writing this from Heaven.
Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there’s no more tears of sadness;
here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy just because I’m out of sight.
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you
when my life on earth was through.
God picked me up and hugged me
and said, “I welcome you.
It’s good to have you back again,
you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family,
they’ll be here later on.
God gave me a list of things,
that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list,
was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night,
the day’s chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you…
in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth,
and all those loving years.
Because you are only human,
they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry:
it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers,
unless there was some rain.
One thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over.
I’m closer to you now, than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you
and many hills to climb;
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
And now I am contented….
that my life was worthwhile.
Knowing as I passed along the way
I made somebody smile.
So if you meet somebody
who is sad and feeling low;
Just lend a hand to pick him up,
as on your way you go.
When you’re walking down the street
and you’ve got me on your mind;
I’m walking in your footsteps
only half a step behind.
And when it’s time for you to go….
from that body to be free.
Remember you’re not going…
your coming home to me.