Today is a week

Charlene,

What a selfless thing for John to do, perhaps his last act of good will help researchers better understand this horrible cancer. I hope having his ashes makes you feel better.

I agree that being in familiar surroundings helps, this year was my cousin’s year to host Christmas Eve but they asked us what we wanted to do so we decided on my sister’s more familiar house.

Patty

Charlene,
Pauline and Darla said it well. We know exactly how you feel – we are just further along down the road. On the outside, it seems I am getting better, on the inside, I am still sick with grief, and have that “empty” feeling. I decorated a little 3 foot tree (the one I used to put up outside) with Butch’s ornaments – the golf ball that says “Grandpa”, the 18 th hole green that says “Butch” my Father made him in ceramics, the football Santa, the ho-ho hole-in-one ball with the Santa cap, etc. I have a mailtruck and a mailman sitting under it (He was a mail carrier before he retired). When I look at the tree, I am celebrating our years together. It is sad and sweet at the same time. I try not to think too far ahead – it makes me crazy to think of the retirement we didn’t have together, the travelling we won’t do, etc. Instead, I try to concentrate on the good things – Butch did get to retire 6 years ago, Thank God, so he DID have a retirement, we did travel – took a wonderful western trip, and etc. Most important – our beloved husbands are in a place where there is no more pain and suffering. We weep for ourselves, don’t we – stuck down here alone! So, anyway – we are all here for you – everyone on this board, and we are all praying for you, that you may be comforted.

Love – Joyce

Dear Charlene,

I know how you are feel about those around you not really understanding the full extent of your grief. Everyone has to deal with grief in their own way and in their own time. There are no rules or time frames. Unless they have been through it they have no idea of how painful it is. Everyone here does know what you are going through as many of us are going through it too. I can relate to almost everything that you have said. Jim & I were also that close and I miss all of those things that we shared. I also experience the fatigue and emptyness inside. Our lives have been left with a great void that we just aren’t ready or able to fill. We spent so much time taking care of our loved ones & now they are gone & we are left alone to grieve and try to pick up the pieces of our lives. I too get angry at Jim & ask him why he left me here alone to deal with all of this, but I know that given a choice he would not have chosen to leave me here alone. It was out of his hands & mine. I also know that he would not want me to feel like I do, but it sure is hard not to. Many of us have experienced problems with things in & around our homes, including problems with vehicles, etc. Both Joyce & I are also dealing with a lot of snow & cold weather which we never had to do before as our husbands took care of it all. I know that the holidays are going to be hard for all of us. All we can do is try to get through it all as best we can. Atleast we know that we can come here for support or even just to vent our feelings when we need to. Take care of yourself Charlene and keep in touch. We are all here for you.

Lots Of Love & Hugs,
Darla

Dear Charlene,
Just to let you know we are all here for you.
People often try to involve us too soon, and dont understand that we need time to come to terms with our loss, but accept it for what it it, friends and family trying to do their best for you even if it is too soon it is well intentioned and where would we be without family and friends.
It must be so hard for you loosing your soulmate just before Christmas, I know nothing anyone says will make it easier for you, but you will not be alone this Christmas, everyone here in a similar situation will be together.
Love Sue x

Dear Charlene,
As you can see there are a lot of us out here thinking of you and wishing we could help you in some way. It is so hard when you lose someone you loved so much and with whom you shared your life. Those first few weeks are so incredibly difficult because you are in state of terrible shock at what has happened. As John’s carer you have been through so much too and are probably exhausted as well as emotionally drained.
If you feel you could share with us some of your experiences and memories, you know we are here to listen and respond.
As a friend said to me in those early days, it is so hard to lose someone you loved so much but remember that some people never experience love like that in their life time. You know what that love was like and you will never forget.
Please keep in touch with us and let us know how you are.
Love
Pauline

Charlene, I am so very sorry that you have lost you beloved husband John. He is no longer suffering and is at peace. He was so blessed to have you by his side. I have tears blurring my vision just trying to find the words to ease your pain and emptiness. I cannot even imagine how you are feeling but I want you to know that I am here for you if you need me. You have been so kind to me when I needed a friend. Remember there is no shame in reaching out for help. I wish peace and healing for you. ((((Big Hugs))) God Bless, Deb

Dear fairydrop……I urge you to reach out for professional help as many of us have when things became too overwhelming to handle. Please, contact Dr. Giles on this site and also call the local Mental Health help-line. I don’t know where you are in Arizona however, every community has a special phone number specifically for these purposes. Remember, you are not alone in this. Please, make this call. I will be checking back with you per personal e-mail.
Hugs
Marion