Update on Dad…
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I am in the EXACT same place you are Andrea – after finding out Dads results I had a few moments at work the next day as well. I’ve never been good at coping, and even though I thought I would be able to handle this, I definitely have a really hard time. Christmas will be tough for both of us this year… I hope and pray both our Dads make it to celebrate with us one more time, but it’s hard knowing they may not, or that it will be the last one with them. Even knowing this will be the last Thanksgiving weekend with Dad is upsetting to me.
I’ll be praying your Dad makes it to hear about the trip Andrea… try to concentrate on all the little moments you get to share with him while he is still here and doing well… take pictures, take videos, and make as many memories as you can, for you and for your son…. that’s what I’ll be doing here for myself and my daughter (who is 13 months).
Jen
Dear Jen,
I know what you mean about the tears. It was my first day back at work today since we were told there was nothing else they could do for Dad. All the girls I work with are lovely but whilst I tried my best to be strong the tears flowed a few times.
I haven’t cried around Mom and Dad, though it’s hard. Dad has said all the tears and anger won’t change anything so what’s the point in wasting time with them. I suppose he’s true but the tears are still flowing, especially at night. I’ve started to hate bed times as that’s when my mind is most active.
My 9 year old son is looking forward to Christmas and is counting down the weeks but whilst I have to stay happy on the outside for him I am breaking on the inside as to me I am counting down Dads last days. I know I shouldn’t think like this but at the moment I can’t help it. We are due to go to Florida next May, something my Dad was looking forward to hearing about when we got back. I’m praying for a miracle that he is still here fighting to hear about it.
Thinking of you too.
Andrea
Thanks Lainy – I can contribute my determination to stay as positive as possible in part to you and your own attitude… your posts help me daily.
Thank you as well Andrea – I thought I was all cried out for the day, but I guess not! I’ve been reading the posts about your Dad as well… seems they are very much alike. Will be thinking of you all in the days, weeks, and months ahead… such a tough battle for us all… patients and caregivers alike.
Jen
Dear Jen,
Sorry you didn’t receive the news you had hoped for. Your Dad sounds like mine, a fighter with a positive attitude. My Dad has now been told there is nothing else they can do for him. The courage he shows is amazing, the doctors have also said he is amazing. His high bilirubin levels should really be effecting him but they are not, apart from his orange tinge and eyes you wouldn’t know he was ill.
I’m sure your Dad will keep fighting, not only for you and your family but for his future Grandson.
As for chemo my Dad never got to have any due to his high bilirubin levels, but when we spoke to the oncologist they did say Dad would have a break after 6 cycles then another chemo combination could be tried, if that was the route he wanted to take.
The bench has brought a tear to my eye, how beautiful, a place that you and future generations can sit and be with your dad and his little peace of heaven.
Have a wonderful thanksgiving making more special memories with your wonderful family.
Best wishes
Andrea
Hi Jen and sorry to hear the latest news. I know the Radiologist had told us that Radiation and Cyberknife keep working for about 3 months after treatment, don’t know though if that is the case with Chemo.
Your family has such a great attitude and that is exactly what is going to get you all through this and be able to meet head on with what ever is to come. It’s also the best thing for your dad, to see the love from those around him still treating him as normal as they can. That bench sounds just perfect! Have a Happy Thanksgiving this weekend and yes, we all still have a lot to be thankful for!Dad had a scan last week and the results came back a few days ago. The cancer is progressing. More of his liver is affected, and there are several mets on his lungs. Small, so no symptoms yet, and hopefully not any time soon. His levels were all way off, but apparently the CT dye can cause this, so more blood tests this week to determine if it’s the cancer, or if it was the dye.
I think when I was waiting for the results I knew that there was a pretty good chance that news would not be all good, and as always I still had a hard time hearing the words. Had a good cry and felt a bit better, but it really breaks me every time I think about it too much. I have so many questions in my head that nobody knows the answer to. This all happened when he was ON chemo, so what’s going to happen now that he’s done? Does it spread quicker? Or was the chemo ineffective meaning the cancer will continue at the semi-slow rate it has been? He’ll have another scan in a month or so (I think – it could be 2 months, I can’t remember), so I guess we’ll see then, and go from there. Maybe he’ll be able to go back on chemo after a break for a few months?
My family has made sure that we’ve enjoyed every second we have together – we know things could go downhill any time, and are thankful for every moment that Dad is here and not in severe pain. I have a lot to give thanks for this weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving) – we thought we only had a few months with him, and it’s been 8. His humour and amazing attitude also help us all work through the process. My one hope for him is that he makes it to January to meet his Grandson (my sisters first child)… it would mean the world to them both.
On a good note, for dad’s birthday in February we had decided to order him a memorial bench in the mountains where we have spent a lot of time as a family… after a ridiculous amount of time and me finally calling the right person to explain what was happening and why we desperately want it done quickly (it can’t be done once the ground freezes, which could be anytime here), it will be done in the next few weeks, which means Dad will actually get the chance to see it. He calls Kananaskis (where it will be), his little piece of heaven on earth – so very fitting, and probably the words that will be put on the plaque.
Thinking and praying for you all… it seems the last few months have been rough on several people battling this disease… here’s hoping the next few are a huge improvement!!
Jen
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