Update on Dad
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Hi Andie,
As Kris says, vent away. We are all for you so don’t worry about coming here and having a vent. I’m sorry to hear that you are all going through a rough time right now. I so know what you are all going through right now as 1 year ago I was right there where you are now. Yes this is such a tough time for you right now but I know that you will find the strength to do what you have to do for your mum and your dad.
My dad went through the same bouts of good and bad days that your dfad is now. And I went thriough the same good and not so good days as my went up and down as it were. My dad also had the same issues with a dry mouth and he was given artificial saliva for this and that helped a lot. Maybe that is something that you could look into for your dad?
How is your dad doing today? I am hoping that he is feeling a bit better and that he can have some more of the better days. And remember that we are all here for you and know how you are feeling.
My best wishes to you, your dad and your mum,
Gavin
Andie,
I don’t really have any suggestions as I’m relatively new to this whole situation, but my heart goes out to you and your family. I’m sending you all lots of positive thoughts from my family.
Oh Andrea, I’m so sad for where you are right now. Your post brought me to tears – I wish I had some words of comfort that I could give you, but being at nearly the same place you are, I know nothing can really be said to make things any better.
We are having a hard cover photo book made for Dad – it’s just an idea if you’d like to get him something. We are organizing pictures from the time we were small with him, and the book kind of takes you through the years…. it’s something he can enjoy while he’s here, and something Mom can have once he’s gone. We’ve looked online for different quotes to use on the pages, and for certain photos we’ve chosen what to write ourselves (for instance on the photo of me dancing with Dad at my wedding I will write out the verse of the song I danced with him to). A lot of companies make the books, you just send the photos, and it can just be sent to you.
I know you are dreading the holidays, something else I can relate to, but Lainy is right – putting on a happy face is one of those things that I think is so important to do. I know you can do it, and I believe you will still make some great memories with your Dad before his time comes. I hope your Mom can find some peace in the days to come… please let me know if there’s anything I can do for you besides sending you all the positive thoughts, prayers, and hugs I can muster.Thinking of you and your family…
Jen
Oh we really understand what you and your family are going through and I am so sorry. As we approach Christmas, I think about what to give my husband who has cc. I think we will give him some pictures, maybe some movies to watch on the tv. It is hard to decide what would be meaningful. So I agree, practical gifts or something he can enjoy in the moment, if he likes music, soft music cds, pictures of him with loved ones. Blessings to you as you face Thanksgiving this week – it is when we dig deep to find that which we are thankful for that joy has the best opportunity to visit. Blessings, Susan
Dear Andie
I am really sorry to hear that your Dad is not doing well. Is he still pain-free ? If that is the case then at least it is some small relief in all this. Is your Dad drinking enough ? Even if he is not able to eat much he needs to keep hydrated.
I am hoping for a better week for you, your Dad and your Mum. Thinking of you and sending hugs.
JemimaHi Andie, I have felt the last month that Teddy and your Dad are in the same place. Teddy’s eyes are big and he is frail, I told him he is my ET come home! My favorite movie ever and now I have my own ET. His voice is very husky and he eats very little. His mouth is dry but Hospice gave him a spray, Biotene. Mind able but body not! BUT, he still doesn’t look that bad. Frail yes but not too bad. Although I think he is so cute anyway, maybe I don’t see it. He made his Birthday the end of October and he is making Thanksgiving. He is still at Peace with it all and that helps so very much. Wish I had some suggestions for your mother. Perhaps Hospice could help her. Maybe your Mom is pre-grieving. How to put on a Happy Face? It’s just something I believe one needs to do. I don’t want Teddy to remember me for eternity not living these last moments with smiles and affection. And I don’t want anything but my precious moments to remember forever. Oh, it’s not easy but just keep telling yourself these are precious times and pretty soon you will see it that way rather than see it as heart breaking times. Wish I could help more!
Andie,
We all feel the same way….even the patients. So vent away.There is a mouth spray you can buy that really helps. There are different brands with different flavors, so there is one that is sure to taste ok to your dad. I like the lemon one.
I just had my birthday and asked for only practical presents. I got a small refrigerator for my bedside, a small tea kettle for the bed room, and some soft pjs. No I cant take this stuff with me, but it makes life easier now. Perhaps you could think of gifts along those lines.
Hugs,
KrisDad seems to be slowing down now. We had 3 good days last week where he was feeling good, eating well and had no ‘full feeling’ in his stomach. We had a lovely few days of laughter. He was doing odd jobs again but since Friday he seems to have gone down hill. Friday he was tired as soon as he got up and when I popped in to see him from work, you could tell he didn’t want to talk, as if he’d lost interest overnight. On the night Mom text me to say he said he felt brighter and that he’d eaten. Today he hasn’t eaten at all. He is on fortijuice drinks and has had 2 of these. When we visited today he seems to have lost weight overnight, his eyes look big and he looks so frail. His voice has gone husky and he said his mouth is very dry. He told me he has no interest in food at all and he feels weak but not ill.
My Mom isn’t coping too well and she has said she doesn’t think she can watch him go down hill. He’s frustrated that he can’t do what he wants, his mind is able but his body not. I don’t know what to say to her or what to do. I listen to her cry and it breaks my heart.
I am so sad and tired. I know I’m losing my Dad, my hero, and it’s breaking my heart.
It’s his birthday next month and he said he doesn’t want any presents as he won’t be needing them where he’s going. I know it will be hard knowing it’s the last birthday we will celebrate, I’m dreading Christmas too. How do you put on a happy face when your heart is breaking inside?
I know we should be making the most of each day but it’s so hard, and I’m beginning to feel bitter and angry which isn’t in my character at all.
Thanks for listening to me vent, yet again x
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