Update on John

Dear Charlene — my heart is aching for you and for John. I pray for peace for both of you during this difficult time. Your postings touch us all.

My husband, Brad, passed away last month. One of the fondest memories I have, and something that eased the discomfort at least a little, was to have him lie on his side and I would crawl into bed behind him and spoon and hold him tight. We’d change positions every hour or so to alleviate the pressure on his frail body. You might want to try something like that if it would make John comfortable (and you too).

One other thought. You said John couldn’t sleep due to pain. His doc should be aware that the pain meds aren’t keeping up with the pain, so that John can have some relief.

You are such a dedicated and caring wife, Charlene.
Diane

Charlene

Charlene, I understand what your going through. Almost your exact words is what my wife said to me the other evening after she returned from a cancer support group meeting. She came home very emotional and crying. This was the first one she has gone to. I asked her what was the matter and she said, You, your going away, I’m being robbed, I just want my Jeff back! I know I’ll never get you back, I feel like we are just roommates, why?
She said, I see you at night getting out of the shower and you are not the same person, it’s not your body, I see your bones. I’m afraid to hold on to you or snuggle up to you, afraid I’m going to make your pain worse. All I could do is hug her and tell her, Your one super roommate! And it would be okay, I feel okay and God is good. She said, I’m already lonley and you haven’t even gone to hospice, I know you ,once you go in to hospice you won’t come home again. The years we have been fighting this and she has just now left the denial and entered the angry phase. I could only hug her and tell her I will always be with you babe. You’ll know I’m still around, you know me, I’ll have to continue to wind you up some how. She then giggled a little as well as I, and we went to bed snuggled close for the night. Like I’ve mentioned before Charlene your not alone, although it may feel that way. Like lainey said, part of John will always be with you. I truly love your heart beating support and understanding of what John is going through. I will pray for him and for you as well charlene. None of us should have to go through this emotional hurt,as if we haven’t endured enough already. But I feel God is watching and will give us the love and spirit to follow through with his plan for us. I feel there is a reason why everything happens the way it does. Yes, one day we will all know why. Until then don’t stop loving yourself or ever doubt that you are loved. I wrote what I did not for a response Charlene ,but just to show how your post just shined a little more light on how I can help my Valerie, as it is obvious she needs some emotional and spiritual shoring up, before my departure down the road. Charlene, love and prayers are coming your way. Thank You for sharing your heart. The strenght you need is coming your way from so many.

God Bless You,
Jeff

Dearest Charlene, my heart is just breaking for you, partly for what you are going through and partly because I will be in your shoes one of these days. For physical comfort you might try lamb skin. I have found that the best for Teddy when he is irritated from the radiation and it worked after his Whipple. As for the mental part, we must be the strongest people in the world! You have given him all the strength you can muster all this time and I know you will find the amount you will need to help his journey home. I just have never believed that when someone is physically gone that they are spiritually gone as well. That part of John will always be with you. I feel so sad for you. When Teddy goes to church on Sunday he lights candles for all our friends here at CC.org. Take some deep breaths, know that we all care and that our thoughts and prayers are with you!