Update on John

Dear Charlene,
I am glad John has decided to go into hospice care – maybe they can make him more comfortable and ease his pain somewhat. I hope and pray for a peaceful passing. Please take care of yourself! I know you must be a wreck right now, and you have every right to be. We’re here for whatever support you need.
-JOYCE M

Dear Chrissy,
Yes, you ARE strong! Don’t you think your husband knows how you are and how much you love him? As Lainy said, everyone reacts differently and it’s part of you and what your husband loves about you – and the most important thing is that you’re there by his side. I feel guilt that I never broke down in front of my mother, always trying to be upbeat and clinical so I wouldn’t depress her, but she told a close friend that I was “stoic and unemotional” because she had no idea that I cried my eyes out as soon as she couldn’t see me. So it can be a good thing to break down, too!

As I said to Charlene, let us take on some of your burden and comfort you – you’re going through so much, and it’s only human to be a wreck at this time. All the best to you and Chucks.

Dear Joyce C,
So sorry to hear that things have gone downhill for your husband, also. The sorrow must be overwhelming. I echo everything I said above – you are strong, and such a good soul, and feel free to lean on all of us when you need to.
-Joyce M

Charlene,
I know exactly how you feel. Butch has never recovered from his surgery, and – when we went to Pittsburgh for the follow-up, the CT scan shows the cancer has returned – stronger and angrier than before. The mets are bad and there are 3 new tumors on the remaining liver. He is too weakened to withstand chemo, so today the doctor called hospice – they will talk with us tomorrow. I, too feel great relief with this decision – he went through so much over the last months, and I don’t want him to suffer any more. So – I am at peace with the decision.

Joyce C

Oh, but Chrissey, you are just as strong as the rest of us. You have stood by Chucks all this time, you are still there and you would take the pain for him if you could. That is strong! You are just worn down from the huge emotional upheaval and that is to be expected. We all react in different ways during times of great stress but you are already strong for all you have endured up to now!
Most heartfelt prayers go out to you and Chucks!!

Charlene,

My heart aches for you because I am going through the same thing. Chucks is sooo skinny it breaks my heart. Only unlike you I am not as strong. I am finding myself breaking down everywhere except work. My stomach is so sick from stress I can’t see straight. Looking at him makes me cry. He is not what I once knew. I feel as though I am losing my whole future. This man is my future husband, father of my children, best friend, and I am losing that and don’t know how to be strong anymore. I know I am making it hard for him because I am so distraught but my whole world is crashing and I feel soo alone. He is in so much pain and there is nothing I can do. He wants to fight but I fear the fight is gone. This has come so quickly. I feel selfish for making him fight for me. The oncologist still has not given up on him but he has missed three weeks of chemo due to hospitalization for pain. He wants to not feel at all. Charlene, you are a brave strong woman. I wish I could be the same.

Christina