Update on my husband
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Shel – My husband got a head CT with his regular abdominal CT and he’s still not quite sure why….I talked to the doc and he did one just to make sure that he doesn’t have any issues up there. I think he suspects but so far he’s letting it go.
I could tell you horror stories about my in-laws…..when we working his CC up and still weren’t sure what it was my mother in law called and tried to hijack everything to get his care moved to the University of Washington since that was where she got her cancer treatment and so that must be the best. No matter how many times we told her Virginia Mason was better. She still mutters and grumbles about it even though we are getting superb care where we are. Then on my husband’s surgery day they tried to get me thrown out of the pre-op room so they could be with him and then when I came out they had removed me from the hospital system as his wife and replaced me with one of them….so when the doc called to talk about how the surgery was going it would go to one of them. I fixed it but I hate having to battle everything. I have been called smothering and over protective but haven’t seen any offers to help (just interference from them). And I could have used the help since while my husband was recovering from his surgery I spent multiple days in the hospital with my son who had surgery for thyroid cancer. If it hadn’t been for my daughter I would have had way worse time trying to be with both of them.
I am with Lainy, email a group email to them to keep them updated or in my case, I send out a text each night about treatment and any changes and have gotten to the point where I use Facebook more to keep them updated. They still cause problems but I am getting better at letting it go.Hang in there. Just try to enjoy your time with your husband. And don’t give a care about what other people think, you are never going to win that anyway.
KrisV
Dearest Shel. I assumed it was going to get tougher. Like Kris said remember it is not him talking to you like that. Who else has he got to take it out on? I think I sent you that list, right? Shel we are here to listen to you or you can email me anytime. Perhaps he needs something for the ‘agitation” not sure what all he is on now. Please, if you can muster up the energy, try not to get upset about what he is doing but instead make your own honeymoon time like Teddy made ours. Sit with him and talk about memories and pleasant things. Give him lots of kisses and no matter what tell him he is still so loved. When you feel you are going to burst get in the car and drive around for about 20 minutes and sing out so loud the neighbors run the other way. I used to sing to my Mama Mia CD. Worked every time. As for family, cut the phone communication and send out a group e mail nightly telling how his day was. Include everyone so no one can say they were not included in the loop. Oh boy does that save on aggravation and gets the job done. If they ask why just tell the truth. You are so busy being a care taker you have to stop all the calls and stop repeating and repeating. Of course if they want to say hi to him I guess you have to let them, but you don’t have to talk. Good luck and remember you have my email! Pretend I am at your side giving you support.
Kris, thank you! Glad to know I’m not the only one dealing with in-laws who think they know it all. What gets me they have never been to one appointment!
I too call the doctors office and give them heads up on things. If he knew he would flip on me.Shel – So sorry things seem so bleak right now. And never be sorry about venting here. We all have and that’s what we are here for.
I have been in a similar place with my husband….and his family too. A couple of weeks ago he went off the deep end yelling at me and telling me he was done with chemo and it was all my fault. He then texted his family the same thing so my phone blew up with their anger. I had to turn my phone off. He used to be so sensitive to me and always called me when he was going to late getting home and now he does none of that stuff. He swears he does stuff and he didn’t. He doesn’t even remember telling me he wanted to quit chemo. The doc says its a little bit of chemo brain (the toxic part of the chemo affecting his memory), some depression which he won’t take meds for and just plain old stress. Try to remember that it’s not your husband talking but the disease. Also if the liver is having a harder time working then it can contribute a little too.
My husband’s family is the same way. This cancer is all about them and so many times they have tried to push me out of the way and do things “their” way. Drives me nuts so I get to the point where I tell them less and less. Right now my husband is having issues with constipation and his mom keeps telling all theses weird things he can do to help….I have it taken care of. I am a nurse and they forget that.
Hang in there and always feel free to vent. Be sure and tell your husband’s doc about ALL his symptoms even if he won’t. I call and talk to the doc when he’s not around so they know what is going on.KrisV
Not sure where to begin.
Well the last few weeks he’s been really tired. The one week he didn’t even feel like getting out of his chair. Experiencing more pain and appetite has been down. Of course tried getting him in to the doctor but he refused. Some of the things he will say to me are so hurtful. All I do is cry. Then the next day he will be fine and act like he never said anything to me.
So this past Friday was his doctors appointment. The doctor didn’t like what she was seeing. She stopped his chemo. She said it has quit working. His tumor marker jumped 135 points this month and liver levels are on a steady rise. Plus he lost 7 pounds in 2 weeks. So Thursday he has to go in and have a pet scan followed with a ct scan. She thinks it has spread more.
I am scared to death. I see him slipping away from me. The worse part there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. I get so angry! So angry that I am going out to buy a punching bag.
His family is no help. One minute that want to fight with him and then the minute they hear that things maybe getting worse they want to kiss ass. I bite my tongue with them people so much. Wish I could grab them and shake the crap out of them.
Oh the doctor even thought she was going to have to put him on meds for his pancreas. And of course I can’t exactly remember quit what for. I seem so forgetful. The last I knew the cancer had spread to a few lymph nodes. Unless with all the symptoms she’s thinking of something else. But she said she walks wait until we get results.
Sorry I just had to get all of this off my chest. I feel like I am going to burst sometimes. I hate cancer!
Prayers out to everyone,
Shel
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