December 5, 2010 at 2:28 pm #45138micsylMember
We were very reluctant to expose my dad to visitors except close friends and family. It was like people were coming to say goodbye to him, and was rather depressing and morbid for us and most depressing for dad. At the end, Dad also seemed embarassed by his appearance, very emaciated and he was always a well put together man and i think that is how he wanted people to remember him, as well. So, this is just the other side of the coin – I know people meant well, and sometimes i did feel bad at saying no to visitors, but we always wanted what was best for Dad. And I just hope that people understood this.
Hope this helps.
Thinking of you all.
MichelleDecember 5, 2010 at 2:14 pm #45137lainyMember
Morning, Andie. I had problems with visitors too. Everyone wants a piece of Teddy! Sit with dad and ask him what he wants. First I talked with T and in the beginning he wanted company. I would ask him, do you feel like company today? Then on the calendar I would write down who is coming and what time. I was very serious and the friends knew it. No more than 1/2 hour at a time and I spaced the visits. Absolutely no one could drop by unexpectedly. Not fair to T or me. If they stayed longer than 1/2 hour he got really tired….not fair to him and he would pay for that. Now at Hospice I have opened up the visiting again but they cannot stay more than 15 minutes. As we got to this point T himself said no visitors and no phone calls except to the kids. He understood that visitors can be draining, of course not on purpose but they don’t understand. Now I felt we are at the end and its only fair to let everyone see him for a bit as they need the visit as well. He is so loved by so many. Hope this helps.December 5, 2010 at 2:01 pm #4428andieMember
One of Dads friends came to visit him today, he was dropping a Chhristmas card off, and since he’s gone Mom said Dad seems really depressed. He said “everyone will know how ill I am now”, not that his illness has been kept a secret. It’s as if Dad is in denial that he his ill. We visited him yesterday and he was fine, and I know he is going to have days where he is down but we thought visitors would be a change of face for him, as he only really sees Mom, me, my husband, son and Nan. Weather permitting he has a chat to the neighbours in the garden too.
People are going to want to see him but my Mom is now in two minds whether to let them come if it’s going to have this effect on him. I have said take it day by day and he might be feeling brighter in mood tomorrow. I don’t think Dad wants people to pity him and perhaps he is feeling they are only coming because he may not be around soon, who knows. Dad keeps alot of his feelings to himself so it is not always possible to understand how he is feeling.
Has any one else had their loved ones act like this, or any patients feel like this?
Best wishes to all
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